Turning The Pages: Welcome Back

Just as the moment of death when your life flashes before you, I feel that's where I am at, at this moment in time.  I transitioned in 2003, had quite the journey and paved my path, yet,  In the end, I found out that what I did solved absolutely nothing. I am no more a man today than I was Dec 23 2003 when I underwent a 7 hour procedure that consisted of a double mastectomy, laparoscopy induced radical hysterectomy and oophorectomy. I mutilated myself as many do in the quest of "changing" their sex.  Now I look back and think "what was I thinking"?    I became bald, hairy, scared and maimed, but a man, I am not. I know many in the trans community think they can magically change who they are by undergoing these procedures and taking dangerous hormones, but if they closely examined this, they would soon find out, that they are wrong.  How many women under go radical hysterectomies and mastectomy's due to cancer or other health issues? They are still women, not men. How many genetically born females have excess androgen and suffer from all sorts of  hormonal imbalances, having a deeper voice, hair in places they don't want, and lose the hair on their heads, many. Yet, they are still women.

My siblings and I

How many men are born with an extreme feminine personalities, love everything nice and pink, yet, are men. Yes that's right folks, this latest notion that we can change our bodies to become something else, does not make us that something else we wish to be.  We are only making fools of ourselves and the medical community lots of money. Save your money, and spend your time helping others, get out of your head and self for a minute, and realize that your gender dysphoria is not the most important thing in this world.

Mom and I

Now, lets talk a little bit about my de transitioning and this blog. I hope to be able to bring some awareness to this matter, and dive deep, deeper than most have ever cared to dive into. I did what I did back in 2003, because I believed that this fantasy was possible. But when the years passed, I realize that this was just another impulse driven by my need to belong and feel "normal"  Boy was I wrong, I have felt less normal since my transition and there was never a day, I didtn think of myself as an imposter, and oh yes a freak. I would look in the mirror and see the scars and my excessively hair body and bald head, and at times I just wanted to scream. I,  being Maritza, the real person in this body, who had to step aside for this destructive individual who ruined everything Maritza worked so hard to build. You think you are being true to yourself, but like an episode or a scene from invasion of the body snatcher, your new creation is slowly destroying everything you ever where, created or loved.


So now its time to turn the page, and start a new chapter, or maybe even a book. Maritza is back and will no longer allow this fabrication called Mark to continue to ruin her life. So I say to you old friend, I know you meant well, and in a sense was created to protect Maritza from all the bad things men have done in her life. I know your heart was in the right place, but I am sorry to say, your time is up, and you can now leave us alone and in peace. Your destruction will forever leave scars in our lives, but the time for healing is now. So goodbye Mark and welcome back Maritza, you have a life ahead of you and lots of healing to do.

Dad and I

Breaking Down Gender Dysphoria

So what is this condition that all of a sudden has swept our world? Why all of a sudden are our youth, children and middle aged adults claiming to be born in the wrong body? What an interesting concept and illusion. A person who has raised children, lived happily married and showed no signs of femininity is claiming to be a woman? They claim to have felt this way from a very young age, yet no one had a clue? Now I have been called a conspiracy nut for claiming many strange happenings in our world since my awakening back in 2008, I won't get into all my beliefs on this blog entry today, but lets just say I don't believe our history, the stories we have been told about our creator, and that we are just born to then die and be a slave to this system, there has to be more than meets the eye. My beliefs are deep and out of this world, and I believe that this whole Trans agenda has not just happened out of coincidence.


As I wrote on my blog entry yesterday, many men are being de masculinized and are claiming to be the opposite sex, women are wanting to be men and everyone is quite confused. Don't get me wrong, there have been two spirited people through out history and many people have chosen to express themselves freely through out life, but this whole medicalization of gender, has gone way too far.


So what is Gender Dysphoria or should I say Gender Identity Disorder, notice that the movement created the change from a mental issue to more of a biological etiology, wonder why? Lets break down this massive cluster one piece at a time. A person claims to have a different body then that what their brain identifies. That is impossible, brain and body are the same, brains are not gendered but created through our experiences and stimulations. There is no such thing as a male liver or heart, you get the picture. Society has pushed a feminization of men and have really taken away a true right of passage to adult hood and now we have what we clearly see today. You guessed it, a human that is not capable of fending for itself, dependent on the system and unable to think for themselves. Men don't have the actual gusto they had in the past to change or revolt, and women have had to step up to the plate. Now I am not saying anything derogatory here, so please lets not make it into a political fight about men vs women and so on. Its just a simple observation of the facts of life.  I believe men and women are equal or should be, and everything does not rely on gender or roles. Humans have a variety of personality, and the system has created sheep and now are herding them into their pen.

The fear of being rejected for being true to yourself creates falsehood, hence the world we live in, everyone wants to be someone or something else.  All these individuals that pay droves of money to change their face, their genitals and total appearance to be something they are not and never will be are in need of real help; sex is not negotiable or changeable. Why can't they be brave enough to be a man who is feminine and eclectic, instead of claiming to be born in the wrong body and now a female or visa versa. Our world has created neurotic individuals who will do anything to escape reality. How can anyone fear their gender or dislike who they were born as? That is ridiculous and frankly beyond belief.  The truth is we live in a world that loves fair tales, science fiction and magic tricks. Gender Dysphoria is nothing more than an excuse to escape who you are, to follow through with all your body dysmorphia needs and basically disfigure who you once where. Let us not feed into this new fad and craze and let us be true to ourselves, because if we keep this up, force sterilization of our youth will bring an outcome that those on top of the pyramid want, population control.

 

The Pain: A Day Of Giving Thanks

Having been around, dated and lived with many transgender females in the past, it has provided me a with information that many are not privy to. Many of these so called Male to Trans are dealing with deep rooted issues that stem from lack of self worth, anger and frustration. They failed as men, fathers, husbands and in many other aspects of life. They had poor to no relationships with their fathers, some never got to meet them, and  now feel as if they cannot fulfill the role of manhood in life since they never were taught how.

The "dream" of being a woman is deep for many, its as if they wish they could run away from reality and their responsibility while "becoming" the other sex, thinking this will solve all their problems, but in reality, the problems only worsens and now they have to face the catastrophe they created and left behind.  The same pattern is seen in Female to Trans, with of coarse changing the roles and gender.

There is lots of pain in this community, pain that is not being addressed properly, instead some pseudo treatment that only creates bigger issues and enhances the problems in the end. On a day like today, there are many hurt trans identified individuals who miss being home with their families and friends, and may even be feeling regret. They are in so much pain they can't even appreciate who and what they have around them. So my question is, was it worth it? Changing your gender marker can lead to bigger problems you ever anticipated, please think it through, because not only are you hurting yourself, you are also creating a title wave of hurt with every move you make.

I want to take this time to wish everyone a peaceful, love filled Day of Thanks, remember how many died for you to sit with your family today, how many gave up their land and home.  Let us be grateful for what and who we have in our lives today, cause tomorrow, you never know what brings.

Transsexualism Is An Addiction

When we step out of the normal balance of life there are many things that happen. One of these things is called imbalance, the typical state of disease. The world we live in is filled with synthetics, the behavior we engage in is unnatural and the things we do and crave are very abnormal. With in this abnormality there are things that have become common and seen as normal. The side effects of our behavior create addictions, which leads to more addiction, then shame, then more addiction, it is quite the vicious cycle.

Addiction comes in many forms and there are genetic factor behind it, it never really leaves you, it just takes on different forms.  I have always had a an addictive personality, my father has it, and I believe my grandfather did too.  Lets say that I have lived my life chasing happiness, getting myself in all sorts of trouble but have had the sense to stop doing things that were dangerous to my health, that is, once I saw that I was in danger. One of the my addictions was the obsession with loosing weight and looking good, this got me into bodybuilding, which lead me to the use of ergogenics that spiraled into another addiction called transsexualism.

The worse kind of addictions are the kind you allow to take over your life, the ones that destroys everything in its path, the one that makes you love it, more than you. You know, the addiction that will get you to steal, lie, and leave everything behind, including putting your health in jeopardy. Yes, that pretty much sums up what transgenderism does to you, if you don't believe me, just read through the countless Face Book pages, they all have the same narratives, from those who are caught in this addictions grip. Nothing matters, but becoming that gender you think you are.  Selfie after selfies, procedures after procedure, broken hearts and loss after loss, with the outcome being emptiness, depression and further suicide, for once the addict finds out that their delusion is nothing more than a pipe dream, reality sets in and devastation takes over.

Take a look at the very similar behaviors of individuals in the trans community. They all have the same things in common, body image issues, obsessive nature, anxiety, anger, lack of coping and social skills and not to mention being able to deal with reality.  Even after transitioning these characteristic follow them, with a few reprieve in behavior, only to return. The only way to fight these demons, is to face them, to realize that there is nothing wrong with your body, that it is your need to belong, and in the quest of belonging you do whatever it takes to get there. The obsession with changing gender takes center stage and like a run away train, you will not stop till the train crashes, taking with you hostages that did not sign up for the ride.

Only an addict believes that their drug of choice is good for them and will make them happy, they defend it and honor it, for it is their delusion, that transitioning is what is right for them and makes them happy. It doesnt matter that there is no actual objective reasoning for their plight, only living out a fantasy which they hold on to for dear life.

As an addict to another, please realize that this time, this addiction has taken you way too far. It is not worth losing it all, because in the end biology is none negotiable and all you have done is destroyed a wonderful human being, who is loved and missed by those you left behind.

Hello my name is Maritza Cummings, and I am a recovering transgender addict.

Looking Back

The way to learn from our mistakes and heal is to analyze our life and the path we have chosen. Many people might want to call it regret, I like to call it growth. Sometimes we think one way in a certain stage of our lives, and then we find our views change as we grow older and wiser. I have made tons of mistakes in my life time, too many to mention, but one thing I do know is those mistakes help shape the person I am today. So no need crying over spilled milk or regretting a thing, I will just wipe my knees and move on.

I know now that I allowed fear to lead my life in so many ways, I also allowed the lack of self love to shape my world and life. I no longer feel I was born in the wrong body, what a crazy notion that was. I can say that decision was not sane, and if I would have had the proper therapies, as many are not getting, I would have never undergone such a drastic move.  You tell a therapist what they are trained to hear, and you get a letter, hormones, and surgery, its that easy, and that is just wrong. 

Mutilation of healthy breasts

I had body dysmorphic disorder, self esteem issues, I was sexually abused from a young age, and bad experiences with men, all which leads us into a path that is, well lets say, absurd. Now I don't want to speak for every, I am learning that this disclaimer is need to prevent the mob from attacking, but I do want to say that it is important to really do soul searching and get as much help as you can before you embark on the trans disaster train. We are seeing way too many young people buying this trans agenda and ruining their lives. 

Any how, I am excited for what lies ahead, it's not going to be easy, but I know that it's what I must do to make things right with myself. I look in the mirror now, comparing the pictures of my youth when I had not messed with myself.  I can't help but feel sadness and shame. But I do hope that my journey will help others, that way I won't feel like my life has been such a waste. 

I want to take this time to thank all of my sisters out there, who are being supportive of me. I want to thank Lynna, whom I know my decision has been hard to  deal with, but this is who I am, and I can't no longer continue to live a lie. How ironic is that not what most people say, when they transition? 

Relationships and Healing

My parents divorced and I am now left to pick up the pieces and the start of a new life.  I had so many relationships, trying to find my identity and place in the world. All relationships were with females, yet, I could not be placed in a box, was I butch or was I  fem? I could not find the answer to that riddle, nor did I care to fit in any box. Fast forward many years and I found myself involved with a bisexual female whom I ended up transitioning with, and married for 10 years.  Life was good, I became a fierce advocate for what I thought at the time was the right path.

I since have changed the way I think, and have gotten to know many in the trans community. I no longer see life in the eyes of gender, I see life as a learning to tool, and gender just another tool of division for the masses.  Violet and I divorced, remaining friends, but realizing that I needed more, I continued in the quest to find love and to find myself.  I believe that many in the trans community are trying to do the same, except they get caught in the turmoil of wanting others to see them, instead of just seeing themselves. They try so hard to fit into a gender box, feeling they belong, just like a teen joins a gang to feel a sense of family and normalcy. But what is normal, why are humans so broken and their search to find happiness leads them into destruction of everything they built and loved?

If you listen to the narratives and really unfold the life of many in this community, you will find a common theme, brokenness, hurt, some sort of trauma, be it sexual abuse, religious dogma, not fitting in the gender they where born as, because of coarse they, did not make it as a "man" or a "woman", so they must be the opposite gender, right?  Because they "feel" trapped, "feel" wrong, so they need to fix it?  Well the body is not the problem, it is how they view the world, and how they "feel" they can't fit in, so escape is the only answer.

I find that until a trans person stops living in denial, and accept reality, they will continue on the vicious cycle they have started. It destroys everyone around them, and themselves. They can't ever find peace, and will continue to leave a destructive path, wherever they go.

Now, where am I in the scheme of things? Well, I no longer which to fight with my heart and head. I no longer wish to battle with anyone, I just want to be and be free, and I find that I cannot be free living a life that the Universe did not intend me to live in.  I am speaking for myself so before I get all the haters jumping down my throat as many have in the past, I want to say that this is my journey, my thoughts and my life. I no longer wish to poison my body with unnatural hormones that do not belong inside of me. I no longer wish to pull the wool over anyones eye, I just want to live and live in a place where I don't have to force the world to see what I want them to see, I just want to be me, no labels, no boxes, just me.

So anyways, the time to heal is now. It has been a long and tiring road, what lies ahead is lots of uncertainties, but I am ready for whatever comes my way. I am a woman, always have been, always will be. For those that are claiming womanhood because they "feel" they are, I can only say this to you, feelings has nothing to do with who you are, we can't just feel we hate something, so therefore I will be something else. Biology is biology which ever way you slice it. Express away is all I have to say, but make sure you are aware of who you are, and try not fall into the trap of delusion, because in the end it is you, you will hurt, and that is a hard pill to swallow when the years pass and you have to face you in that mirror.


To be continued.......

Secrets Unfolding

Well, where was I? Ah yes, I was telling you about my hang ups during childhood,  being cross eyed, having self hatred, suffering from loneliness and not being able to fit in, because of all of my "differences"while growing up.  I might as well have said I was from Mars, oh wait, I did say that. Did I mention that after awhile in junior high school, I told one of my classmates, that I was from Mars after being tired of not fitting in and always feeling out of place, well, they started calling me Martian after that?

Adults can be cruel, but kids have a way of getting under your skin beyond measure. I hated school, could not understand the concept of sitting in a class room all day long listening to a person ramble about things that really didn't matter. As if that was not bad enough, having to deal with all sorts of different personalities from individuals who I could clearly see where hurting and trying to be what they were not. No one made any sense to me and everyone seem to live in their own reality. How I ever made it through school was beyond me.

Home life was no better, my parents worked real hard to provide for their kids and never really spent much time with me at all, I was an only child till the age of 8 till my sister came along. It was a bit of a shock at first to have to share what little attention I did get with someone else,  but of coarse now I don't feel the same.  I could not imagine life with out my younger sister or brother. She is an amazing young woman and I am so very proud of her and her accomplishments. My brother who came along 16 later, is a married man, who recently had a child of his own.

But lets go back to my childhood for a brief moment. I want to touch upon something really horrible that happened to me back then, not to dwell on it but  just to touch upon it. I believe I have worked through it now, I was sexually abused.  I was 8 years old, and a friend of the family, whom was like a grandfather to me and whom my family trusted, got access to our home while my parents were at work. He began to touch me inappropriately and to tell you the truth, I don't remember every detail about it, but it happened till I was 12 years old, when I finally asked him to stop. Why I didn't stop him earlier, I don't know? He gave me gifts, lots of attention and knew the right things to say.  I don't know if I felt special or more like an adult because of what he was doing, or maybe because I was too scared to rock the boat and hurt this mans place in our family, I kept silent for all those years. I can't really answer why, nor do I think I am ready to open up that can of worms but I did reveal it to my mother later on in my adult years.  I do want to mention, I  am not traumatized by this event, nor do I feel like a victim.  I have never played that role in life, I just suck things up and move forward. I have never gone to therapy to deal with it, I do feel that it has not hindered my sexual relationships in life, nor do I hate men for it, or any of that jazz. I do have problems trusting people and have lack of self worth.

So I won't go into all the sexual details of what he did or did not do during those 4 years time but I believe that many in the lgbt community and outside of it have had some sort of sexual abuse, at least that is what the old man lead me on to believe, that everyone has a special "friend" when they are younger that shows them about sex.  I will talk more about my theory regarding this in future blog entries, as I unravel the reasons behind gender confusion and sex change, but for now, lets just say that my life would have been totally different had this even not occurred.

I was very sexual after being introduced to sex at such a young age, sexual, not in having sex with other people that is, but  sexual as in exploring my own body, and had a hunger to learn how to pleasure myself and others. I was provided sexual magazines and books by my abuser and I felt that for such a young person I knew about sex more than most in my age group.  As I grew older, I started wanting to date young men, but after they too tried to engage in sexual relationships with me without my consent, I became turned off and therefore stopped dating men all together. To tell you the truth, I preferred being alone and masturbating in my room this way I would not get hurt emotionally and it felt safer that way.

Years went by and I fell in love with a girl in high school, she was in my drama class and there began my interest in women. She had no interests in girls, in fact she was straight the same as me. We had a few school projects together and before you know it, we started to explore. We had some really nice moments together, until we got caught and needless to say, well,  that is another chapter on its own. In fact I did right about this experience in my book The Mirror Makes No Sense, a book I wrote during my trans advocacy years, girl, do things change.

Fast forward a few years, I graduated high school, became heart broken because Denise and I were forced apart by family and now my heart was guarded and never to let any emotions back in.  Trying to find myself I joined the forces and then followed a trail of relationships in search of my lost heart and soul.

To be continued......

The Shadows

Ever since I was a little kid, I always felt I did not belong. I had problems making friends, and I almost felt as if I was the parent, in my home. Don't get me wrong, my parents tried, all good parents do, they are just not equipped at times and never received the manual. Now, I was very responsible, did not like to play, I instead preferred to sit around with the adults and engage in conversations, but I was quickly informed to go outside or go play with my "friends".

Yeah on that note, friends were really acquaintances, and people I engaged with to past time. But I never felt I connected with anyone, ever, and that made me sad. In high school, I had one whopping friend who was just as eccentric as me, so we got along, listening to music and talking about important things in life.  Raul graduated before me, he was two years ahead and I was left alone, yet again. My parents got divorced and I quickly found away to escape and joined the Army. Boy (there we go using a male pronoun again), was that a mistake. I was forced to grow up even faster, dealt with more isolation, abuse and loneliness.

Fast forward some more, I now am dealing with weight issues, I hated physical activities and the army pushed me and took me places I did not want to go. Running and engaging in heavy activities where definitely not my cup of tea. Eating disorders developed, I grew fatter and unhappier as the years went by.  I did not like who I was, and although many would flatter me and shower me with compliments, my ears did not hear and my heart did not see. The vicious cycle of dieting, throwing up, engaging in drug abuse and hating myself continued. But no one knew, I kept it all in silence, after all I had a great smile and used it to hide my pain.

Glimpses of my youth come to mind, inside the fitting room, trying on clothes I was 8 years old. "Tuck that stomach in, look at that belly, your too fat", she said. I hated clothes shopping, it was no fun, why can't we just be naked.  To this day dressing rooms are a place of horror for me, and my stomach a point of distress and pain.

"Are you looking at me or at her"? Yes, a typical question that after a while was like finger nails scratching down a chalk board. Being cross eyed did nothing for my self esteem, even after under going 2 operations at the age of one, my eyes worked against each other and my ability to learn was affected greatly. I hated school and I hated life, why am I here.......

To be continued.........

A New Day

Hello everyone my name is Maritza Cummings and I am recovering gender addict. I close my eyes, and my life flashes before my very eyes. Who am I, what am I, where have I been and where am I going? I shake my head, I wipe my eyes, I look within, and here I am.

Many of you know me as the controversial once trans identified trans man, an identity that was given to me by society, the players, the haters the lovers, and my own egocentric self. Yes narcissism was a way of life for me, I created the perfect "man", a specimen to be admired, so I thought. But in reality who was I kidding? A hairy chest, back and face, coupled with muscles and a sexy raspy voice worthy of radio broadcast, but in the end, inside the deep center of it all, I am a woman, a scared little girl, who just wanted to be held and loved. 

So here I stand in front of the world, in front of me, the soul that has been through so much in this life, and I ask, what next? I have been on hormones since 2003, as well as dabbled in bodybuilding which made it easier to cross the gender border. It was easy as pie to change my physique, after all pharmaceuticals makes it easy to create whatever you want. But what did I do? I altered my life and body all in the quest to help society push us into their box, the box they feel comfortable with us being in.  

In our society, girls have to look a certain ways as do boys, and mannerisms, well lets not even mention those, careful how you walk, talk and dress. If I can accomplish anything and learn from my life events is this, I will never feed into what the system wants. I will do everything within my power to change things, even if its only me I am changing.

Look out world, for this fierce woman is back, Ritz Cummings will  rise up from the ashes, wipe her knees and stand proud and tall, as the woman I was born to be. No wrong body, no wrong theme, what needs to change is not the way society sees me, but how I see society. 

Words are changing our world, let us realize that who we are is not a pronoun or a feeling, but who we are is etched deep inside our soul. After all we are spirits having a human experience, let us not give away our power to those that are trying to make us powerless

abuse from Trans community

Ep 63 Transition Radio Interview

An Evening With Sam Killerman: The Conversation That They Didn't Want Yo...

An Evening With Sam Killerman: The Conversation That They Didn't Want Yo...

A Love Story: Mark & Lynna

TRTV REALTALK WITH THE CUMMINGS: TRANS-HOSTAGES

Similarities?

Sacrificial Lamb to impose beliefs

TRTV SHOW: TRANSITION IS A DEAD END

Proof of Parent Of Famous Trans Icon Manipulating Teen

When will people wake up to the truth? The Trans community is using children to push their agenda, parents are using their children to get what they want. It is really very simple.

What Jeanette did not bank on was that I was going to reveal what is being done.  I know her very well and her intent, after all it was me who introduced them to the media circuit. This needs to stop, this child is going to be facing lots of issues as they mature into adult hood, all for what a shot of fame?

I Can't Imagine Me Without You: Mark & Lynna

Jose Canseco's New Obsession: Support Or Just An Excuse To Crossdress?

Lies, They Need To STOP

How Much More Lies Can They Spread

There now appears to be another blogger who has chosen to target Mark and I and has gone ahead and published a two part...

Posted by Lynna Arielle Cummings on Friday, July 31, 2015

So Happy To Be Home!

Morning in Vegas

Lynna's Life Grateful At The Top

Who Can You Trust?

As of late it has become extremely hard to know who are friends or foes actually are. Ever since we have been on this Truth Campaign the many emails to include positive as well as negative have been flooding my in box. One of the things I have noticed is that every group wants to control what we say and how we say it. So much so that one of the parents of a gender critical teen created a false identity on you tube to engage with Lynna and I negatively. She since has removed the channel after I investigated and found out who she was. Here are the screen grabs that I wanted to share. Let it be know we will not tolerate deceit and you will be exposed. I will not expose her true name because she has a teen that she is dealing with and I know how hard it must be.

What hurts me is that I trusted this person and spend much time interacting on line with her. I hope her pain lessens and hope that her child sees the light.

Please realize that we are all different and have different techniques on how we bring forth a message, yours is not to judge us. If you can't be by our side, then please get out of our way.

Why Believe The Liars?

Sexology's war on Transgender Children

Andrea James as well as many autogynephellic men are in constant need of twisting truth to get their point and agenda across. Why would anyone believe these chronic liars as they use the faces of innocence to get their message acrosss. Andrea paved the way for facial reconstruction on men to look like women, he was arrested for posting stolen pictures of Dr. Michael Bailey's 9 year old daughter with obscene captions and claimed the girl deserved it.

Having been the target of these self serving individuals via threats, foul language and lies, I can't understand how they would even have any clout when they speak or write. Everything based around them is filled with vitriol, hate and lies.  The latest attempt to transition children is the claim that reparative therapy led to the death of Leelah Alcorn when in fact, what led to his suicide was the pressure from these Trans gestapos pushing their trans agenda all over the map. There straw man arguments are not only ludicrous but filled with gaps.

These individuals tactics includes digging information, downloading pictures placing captions full of lies and offensive wording all to try to discredit the truth being spread. Sending death threats and vulgar language use to try to intimidate the person is just one of the many tactics these violent men use. All techniques that not only show the lack of professionalism in their approach, but showing how really messed up they truly are, and if anyone is to be charged with phobic behavior, is them.

These Trans activists need to be stopped dead on their tracks, and no longer allowed to intimidate those that do not agree with their trans narratives and lies.

Andrea who are these experts you claim deem reparative therapy unethical? Possibly those pushing drugs and procedures? There is a trans mafia on the horizon, pushing and brain washing the population to believe these autogynephilles and their lies.

Just like a political campaign is filled with dirty laundry and thought out demeaning lies, these men will stop at nothing to push their Trans agenda and will destroy or attempt to, anyone that gets in their way. I say let us stand up against these individuals and stop these needless transing of our children.

On A Creepier Note

https://www.facebook.com/rachel.london.31?fref=ts

Can someone tell me what is the fascination with rabbits and trans females are all about? I have found these disturbing pictures on the pages of several trans women, and can't help but correlate sexual fetishes and mental disturbance with them.

These pictures were found on Rachael Michele Hilgerts FB page

The Fall And Climb/The Mark & Lynna Story

Finding Self

I believe as humans, we are always growing and changing, those that do not are in a perpetual state of nothingness. Whenever we believe we are done growing somehow we are saying that we have lost our drive to change and grow.

One of the reasons I denounced being transgender was the confusion and lack of construct in the word and community. Therefore I had to recreate and find my true self. In that search I found that I cannot and will never be placed in any type of box, including a gender box, Why? Because I am more than a couple of words slapped together by someone who thinks they know me. I am bigger than the word transgender, or Cis female, or Trans man. I cannot be explained nor be understood therefore, I am that I am, and forever will be changing and growing.

I hope to help end this fight we see amongst all the different groups and political agendas that divide us all and keep us fighting with one another. If we could just learn to respect and understand each others pain, and go a step further as to support one another, I believe we would solve the many problems we are faced with.

Now I still hold true many of my core beliefs, such as a man can not be a woman, nor can a woman be a man. We can easily express our selves and lead our lives in ways that finds us happiness, but when we create a political fight against others to prove we are something we are not, that is when the danger begins. Let us educate one another, let us understand while using a gentler approach to the matter.

In the mean time, I am still reinventing myself and I am so ever excited for what the future holds. I am a unicorn, I am a hybrid, and what I am cannot be boxed or bottled.

What Does De Transitioning Mean To Me?

From the moment we sailed out to advocate against dangerous blockers for Children, we have been asked if we were going to de transition? At the time it seemed like the right thing to do so we could provide a strong message, however, who was I kidding? After 12 years of being on hormones, my changes are permanent, I have no ovaries therefore I can't produce my own hormones and to shift gear on this body is only placing my own health in danger. I noticed fatigue, I was losing weight very rapidly, had no sex drive and was starting to feel very depressed.  I looked in the mirror and was not happy with what I was seeing. Don't get me wrong, Maritza is alive and well in me, I am her and will forever be. I will always stand up for my sisters and help fight their battle, I am woman, here me roar, yet I am also Mark and I can't erase neither one of them, nor do I want to. I have created who I am today, not taking away from anyone or anything. I refuse to wear the label Trans, since many in this community have been mocking me and hurting me for being a different voice. In spite of it all, I still have trans identifying friends who have stock with us, and we love them dearly. Just because we have a different view, doesn't mean we can't be friends.


We never meant to hurt anyone, yet the attacks and counter attacks were flaring at speed. Anger and hate solves nothing. We still believe strongly in our views, but choose to go about things a different way. We want to be happy and continue to love one another as we do, and can't focus on the haters. Any way, it is sad that there is little to no information on de transitioning, and we still want to bring focus on this to help those who can return to their old self. Knowledge is golden and how can we learn if we don't question ourselves?

De Transitioning Diary Fom The Ex Trans Man On A Mission First Month

So, I decided to blog my de transition, and create a guide for those who are planning to stop taking T, stop identifying as a man or trans man, and try to lead a semi normal life. I have tried to find information out there but have come out with blanks. I am debating if I should go on Estrogen for a while to try to bring back some normalcy since I have no ovaries or any other form of hormone production.

It has been almost one month since I stopped taking T, and today for the first time,  I did feel a bit tired during my run, I think this is normal since sex hormones do provide the oomph that is necessary for activities, and I have no ovaries to produce my own. Well lets see how this goes.  I will be posting information videos and such to help create a diary for those who want information regarding de transitioning. If any of you want to share your experiences, please feel free to comment. Note I screen all comments now due to the haters, but will get to the comments and the legit ones will be allowed.

 Here are the changes on my first month of De Transitioning:

• Hair growth still strong on my body and face.
• Voice still deep, but a bit raspy, difficulty singing, feels like voice will crack
• Mild headaches and fatigue
• I am more aware of my emotions, T numbed me.
• Letting my hair grow on my head, disappointed bald spot, very self conscious 
• Hate shaving and no longer find it pleasurable as I did before, really hate anything that is too manly on my body or appearance. I am trying to find a balance in self, and recreating my look and identity. 

I find the path to De Transitioning is much more difficult and less support than for Transitioning. 12 years ago, when I decided to transition there was not much information out there, well it seems the same goes no for the other path. The lack of support and hatred towards the community against de transitioners is over whelming, we hope to change this with time.

Crazy People, Crazy Love

The Long Road Back Home

Hi Everyone,

I don't know where to begin here and some of you may not even care to read what I type here, but for those of you that do and are up to reading this, I guarantee you that you will not be disappointed. So here goes...

First of all, I simply want to offer my sincerest apology. I hurt, confused, lied to, hid from, and used so many of you. I sincerely believed that I was justified in believing what I did was right. I lost my focus on reality a very long time ago and I nursed these thoughts as I grew older. I heard an old message from Andy Stanley that stuck with me because I am living proof of what was said and what he spoke about that day. I had plopped myself down on the couch after a long day at work and what he said resonated with me for some reason...

He mentioned that the devil is patient and waits sometimes a lifetime to get to some of us. He doesn't push himself onto us because he knows that he will scare us away or we will call his bluff, so he waits. A thought here, I lie there and over time he has dropped several chunks of things into our lives. He has been alive for millennia and knows the human race so well. He knows personality types, he knows what motivates us, our needs, our likes and our dislikes. He is no fool and actually has a carefully orchestrated plan for each and every individual. He also has lots of helpers, both seen and unseen to accomplish his goal. He doesn't play games and has been at this for a very long time.

In my case, my gender identity question started early, Satan was at work even as I was yet learning to spell my own name. I was only five and the thoughts of wanting to be a girl used to raid my innocent little mind. Maybe it was something that I saw on tv, maybe it was that I didn't feel like a bunch of the other boys in kindergarten, regardless, I was confused. I would pray to God to change me, but it never happened (it can't).

All of you know me, you know that I am a kind-hearted, soft-spoken, easy-going, and otherwise sweet individual. I am thankful that God created me with such a soft heart, such an ability to appreciate things and feel things that others would walk right by. I also have a very soft spirit. I am sensitive to the Holy Spirit in a way that many never experience. I don't say that to toot my horn or anything like that, I just know that this is how my God made me. Problem is that I was swayed into thinking that these could never possibly ever be manly characteristics. Boys are taught to be rough and tough, but then there was me, a sensitive little cry-baby.

I grew up knowing that I was like that, boys are to be emotionless and girls are the ones who show emotion. So I always had this pervading thought in the back of my mind that if I could have any wish, I would ask the genie to turn me into a female because this me that I certainly was not really me at all. I prayed to God to take away my thoughts, but wrestled again and again with these questions. I had no idea that this was a plan that was being carefully unraveled with evil intentions. The devil was engaged in getting me to believe the lie that I was in the wrong body. One lie, one suggestion, one image at a time. He knew that eventually he would get me to believe it so much so that I would be willing to lose it all to get it.

I crosdressed as a child and kept feeding the dream. I watched shows as I was home by myself in the summertime. I woke up and went to sleep with the tv on. So many shows, so many talk shows, sitcoms, movies. All working to influence me and working to lead me to my delusion. I thought that some day I could be what I loved. I wanted to see my self much differently. As I got older, the feelings got stronger and I acted out on it by raiding my older sister's closet as a teen. I would hear songs by female singers and imagined myself as they. I felt so guilty for having these thoughts and would routinely confess them away in private, but where could I go? I figured that the Lord and I could handle my thought life, the problem is that this lone ranger mentality does not work. Confessing a secret sin to someone never works either. I needed someone to come along side me and help me with the issues that I was dealing with.

The problem is that I hated everything about being a man. I still struggle with much of it. Nice guys always finish last is what I was seeing. Pretty girls liked bad boys. What would a pretty girl want anything to do with sweet me? I used to get the word sweet written on my yearbook all the time. I got so annoyed, but that was what people saw. Now I know that most women want to have a man who in sensitive, kind and thoughtful, not this bad boy who just stereotypes her as some sexual object. I had no idea, I just thought that I had been born a mistake. Why do I cry so easily God? Why do I think like this or that? So many questions from a questioning teen...

As I left for Bible college in late 1988 with my best friend John, I felt like I was past these questions, but Satan was never too far. During school I was able to put these thoughts and desires away because I was a guy and I really liked girls. Being away from home and in another state opened up my eyes and I was able to meet so many different people. I met one girl, dated and broke up and then found another that interested me and did the same. I put my transgender thoughts down and buried them in the past, but I never ever really dealt with them. The devil knew that and was happy to be ever so patient with me.

One night however, I was confronted with those hidden things. I had just come back from shooting a video in New Orleans and I was just really spiritually weak. I had gone to bed and something that had plagued me happened again that left me feeling helpless. A demonic spirit came into my dorm room and began to sit on top of me as I was sleeping. I had had encounters like these before because as a child I could see clear impressions of some thing on my bed when I would go to my bedroom. This was a lot like that, but now this entity took up the entire space of the room itself. I tried to open my mouth but it was as if I could not open my mouth from the abject fear that had overcome me. I proceeded to say, "in the name of Jesus, I rebuke you". It laughed at me and began to mock me by saying that I didn't even believe that. It continued to breathe heavily right into my face. I could feel that heat of the breaths on my now sweaty face. I drummed up all that I had in me in faith and finally yelled out, "in Jesus name and by His blood on the cross shed for me, I rebuke you Satan, get away from here!" Immediately, as if it were sucked out of my room by a powerful vacuum, the entity left my room. My best friend John heard my yelling and had been praying for me all of the time while I was being attacked. I ran through the bathroom that divided our rooms and with tear in my eyes, told him what had happened. I was a pile of tears and we hugged there for a while. He prayed over me and I felt better. Oh, if I had only confided in him these thoughts back then.

Afterwards, I went to get a drink of water out in the dorm room hallway and as I put my lip onto the stream of water coming from the fountain, I heard that entity speak yet again. It simply said, "Don't you ever forget, I know just how to get to you." I knew then and there exactly what it was talking about. There was no doubt in my mind. My gender identity issues were definitely the ways and means that the devil was going to try and destroy my life. Again though, it was my secret and my deal. God and I could handle this...

I married my college sweetheart in 1997, she was so innocent, kind and a real catch. Her gentle spirit coincided right with mine and oh did she ever have a heart for God. She was beautiful in every way. A very rare find and she was my gift. Her parents almost made that not possible. We had just come back from a wonderful mission trip to Hungary and Romania. God used us all in powerful ways those three weeks and we both were so grateful to have gone. The next thing to get finalized was our marriage which was scheduled for August of 1991. I went home to California and she went home to Minnesota. It was only a few weeks and I get a different kind of phone call from me fiancé. She was in tears and told me that her parents wanted to her to call the wedding off because there was something that they felt was wrong with me. They did not want their daughter to suffer in the future from marrying me. They knew, the Lord had revealed it to them. They didn't know what, but they knew that this would damage their daughter unmercifully. I hastily made a trip to Minnesota that same day.

Upon arriving, we met with her mom and dad and some close spiritual friends, they were probing me and asking me questions that lasted into the wee early hours of the morning. I finally confessed to them and everyone there, including her brothers and sister that I liked to crossdress, but apparently they did not think that this was my problem. I never told them the truth though. The truth was that I dreamed of becoming a woman someday. That was still between God and I, our little secret...

They cancelled our plans and two twenty-one year olds were devastated. I fought to get her back and by 1994, I proposed to her yet again and she said yes. Over time we were able to get her parent's blessing and in the spring of 1997, we were finally married. We, however struggled from day one, nothing of her doing whatsoever. She was perfect in every way and loved me with all her heart. I sang, "I Will Be Here" to her, but my secret was still hidden. That secret started to come out in the form of my constant desire to look up transgender/crossdressing stories on the internet. I fed my desires for years as I hid that from her. For me, it was never a pornographic obsession, it was simply a desire to see examples of people who actually were able to change their gender. I was obsessed and I could not get enough. Only a few months into our marriage, my wife discovered that I had been in contact with someone on the internet. She called me out on it and I told her that it wasn't what she thought, I was not cheating on her. I promised her that I would not talk to anyone online and she never asked me anything else. I was actually in a conversation with a transgender person in a tg chat room. I was fascinated and asking this person all kinds of questions. Again, Satan at work adding to his carefully constructed rock pile that he was designing for not only my destruction but for the destruction of my wife and our entire future family. Like I said, the devil is extremely patient...

I continued to entertain my thoughts and every time that I had an out of town job, I would use my off-hours to feed my obsession. This lasted for years and I would stop out of guilt, but then continue to do the same thing and read tg fiction months later. It just kept on gaining more and more momentum and continued to damage our marital relationship. She was not my love interest anymore, somewhere along the road, I had replaced her with me. She wondered what she could do to gain my interest again, but it was to no avail. She would literally go to bed in tears waiting for me to come to bed, but I was engrossed on my couch reading yet another account of a boy turned into a girl by her mom or a brother turned into a bridesmaid by her sister. I know, sick, some of you say, but I am willing to admit that this was my struggle. This was my burden to bear. I thought that I could eventually just take this to the grave with me. Satan however, had plans that were much more grand. He uses the weaknesses in our lives to carefully place them in a place where maximum impact can be achieved. If I only knew then that this was the hellish plans that he had ever so patiently been working out for decades. He waited until I had turned forty-one and had five kids. He then sprung his plan onto me.

In the fall of 2011, my wife had plans to have us all go visit her sister and family over in Joplin, Missouri over the Thanksgiving holidays. I knew that I had two days of work that had been scheduled and so I asked her to go by herself and take the kids. All of a sudden it hit me, I would be alone. I could see me for the first time. I could finally discover the me that I had hidden for so long. No need to read about it anymore, I could now be it. So I made my plans, I spent money on wigs, makeup, and clothing. I saw this person and was changed after that. It was now not enough to just read it, I had to be it. So I did just that. My wife discovered my secret and she tried to help me get out, but it was to no avail, I was in too deep. All of Satan's plans were now in full force, he hand gotten me to believe my lie. I was a woman and I would prove that fact to the world no matter what the cost. I figured that I needed to be honest with myself and I was going to finally be me. Other people would just have to deal with it.

So on November 11, 2013, I walked out the door of our home and into the rest of my life. She told me that if I started on hormone replacement therapy then I was not welcome back home again. I started HRT the next day and life has never been the same. This was the plan that Satan had and I fulfilled his plans completely. My wife lost her husband, my five kids lost their dad and for what??? To be something that I will never be able to be???

So now I come full circle, although after causing cataclysmic damage to my family and to those who loved me. I was involved in a horrific car accident that left me with three broken bones in my neck. I will never be the same and I am disabled for life. I have had time to reflect during my recovery and God brought a special woman into my life to restore me back to health both spiritually and physically. She has a similar story as mine.

She always felt like a very masculine girl but could equally be as feminine as any woman out there. One day, after becoming a successful business woman she was asked of she knew about female to male transsexuals. She was thirty-eight and lesbian, she had been sexually abused as a child and hated men. She responded by saying that she didn't know anything about it. Later on, she went to the internet to look up FTM and she immediately associated with being just that. Six months later she had removed her breasts and removed her reproductive organs and was on testosterone. She was now looking like a biological male and she became a fierce advocate for the trans community. She was on most major talk shows in the US and Latin America as the miracle woman turned into a man. She actually discovered Jazz Jennings who was embraced by the media as the innocent face of the transgender movement. She fought for twelve years to gain more acceptance and rights for the trans community. Then she met me...

I was left in an ICU in El Paso, Texas after my accident and she came to me. We had met only a few weeks before through a mutual friend who watched our YouTube channels. Our mutual friend suggested that I needed help and that we would be good for each other. For some reason, I packed up my Honda and headed down to seeing this person who went by the name Mark. It is also when I drove off of a high mountain pass in the evening of December 30, 2014. Upon impact with the first tree, I knew that I was not going to survive. I literally flew off of the highway and down a rocky mountainside and landed 300 feet or so later, not dead, but miraculously alive. I spent a freezing night down in the canyon and upon daylight I knew that God would rescue me. A series of miracles happened and I was cabled up and out of there. My life had now literally hit rock bottom. I had nothing and I was nothing. I was carefully airlifted to a trauma center in El Paso and was told that I would need to get life debilitating surgery to fuse my back to my now broken neck. I spoke with my ex-wife about it and she agreed that this was probably best, I was not at peace with that though. That is when she showed up...

She was looking like a he and was as cute as ever. I was drugged up and she brought me a teddy bear and lay it next to my motionless body. I was pretty paralyzed and she had no idea if I was going to survive, if I would be disabled in a wheelchair or what. She asked me if she wanted her to stay, I said yes, please. I fell in love with a woman that day, that is what I saw. She saw a man lying helpless there that day. I awoke in her that woman that she had buried and discarded and she helped me to see the wonderful man that I always was. I became her child at that point. You see, Maritza was never able to have a child of her own and she realized then that her love for me was now bringing up all of those nurturing qualities that come so naturally to women. I was her baby and she was going to make sure that I was going to recover. She immediately suggested that I not go under the knife. She had been an occupational therapist for years and had worked in the medical community. She knew that medicine is never the answer to health. She told me that health comes to the body when we let it heal itself. She helped me through the seven days at the hospital, she never left my side. We were discharged and she took me in. We moved to New Mexico where she had already been living. God was working on her heart and she could do nothing about it.

Here we are six months later and I am able to live my life without pain killers, I have lost a bunch of weight and have never been healthier in my life. I owe it all to Maritza to help me accept all of me, not just the part that I wanted to accept. I am so grateful and love her beyond words. A few weeks ago we heard about the plans that are being orchestrated by the medical community and the trans community to subvert our children.

We evidenced the rise of the transgender child and the legitimaization of giving these gender non-conforming kids puberty blocking drugs and eventually cross-sex hormones in order to allow them to be themselves. This is a flat out lie and an evil satanic plan to destroy lives from a very young age. Biology is unchangeable, this is just an absolute. Our kids are now targets for mass sterilization and a lifetime of confusion. Make no mistake, this is a diabolical plan that has been well thought out. The trans community knows that through the innocence of children they can normalize this behavior and make it more socially acceptable. Now, with Bruce Jenner coming out and the whole lid has been blown off. Bruce has revealed that autogenyphilia (the desire for man to look like a woman or to be a woman) has no limits. When one has wealth, they think that they can literally become what they have always loved. The love of self has multiplied itself to such a high degree that it knows no bounds. No man can ever become a woman or vice versa. Science will try to make that possible, but you can't mess with perfection.

Maritza and I renounce ever being transgender, we renounce the lie that the devil had sold us both, we renounce that we ever promoted this type of behavior and lifestyle. We seek to lay ourselves at the foot of the cross and ask God to restore to us what was stolen away from us. We promise to work tirelessly to rid this world of this transgender menace. We are committed to sparing children the agony of a life of confusion and instead offer them the hope in learning to love what God made them to be. We offer ourselves to be used in any way that Jesus seems fit to use us for His glory and for His glorious purpose. To teach mankind that God truly loves and cares for His creation and that we are truly perfect just the way that we are.

Thank You For Your Time,
Sincerely and Apologetically,

Paul & Maritza

We are presently trying to garner more support to get this redemptive message out to the masses and would love to share our story, counsel those that need help, and partner with anyone who wants to help turn the tide on this lie.

Please check out www.transitionradio.net or you can get a hold of Maritza at markangelocummings@gmail.com or myself at lopster01@gmail.com. We look forward to getting this message out to the masses.

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