Shedding The Layers

I figured out why so many get so irate with me and confrontational with my writings and TV Shows, well not everyone, but those in the trans community who are still in their infant stage and self loathing mode;  I touch a certain chord and wounds deep inside of them, I am definitely doing my job. I plan to make people think and think really hard on what they are doing or have done. I want people to question their actions and validity, every step of the way. There are too many people who go on this transgender train ride who have no business riding it. 

By now I have revealed my eating disorder, my self esteem issues,  gender confusion and child traumas, all of which are the typical issues faced with trans individuals. Until you come clean, and accept your flaws, you can't heal. You will continue in search of this utopia which does not exist, and will continue to hurt yourself and others until you have nothing else to give. You will continue to feel dysphoric, no matter what you do, but the difference is now you have greater problems to deal with. So why not save yourself the hassle and aggravation, and just work through the underlying issues and learn to love and accept yourself as you are. The key  here is lack of self love, we blame our gender, but gender has nothing to do with it. 

Shed all the layers one by one, find out what is the cause of  your pain, and no, its not your gender, in fact gender is the least of your problems. I want to add that I am grateful I underwent this journey because what it has done is, it has allowed me to see the true me, and it has taught me to appreciate the woman I have always been. You can say BS all you want, and you tell yourself, you were never a woman, but the facts are, that you are the gender you were pronounced at birth. You may not act as the typical girl or boy, but that doesn't mean you are not the sex you were born as. We need to learn to accept ourselves and not worry about what others think or say. 

Society is creating this outpour of transgender individuals and are harming our youth by saying we can't accept your differences, so fix it. That is wrong on all levels, and we are in the making of a major catastrophe.  People should be allowed to express as they feel inside and dress as they feel outwardly. No one should have to repress their needs but this whole medicalization and fixing of the biological sex is ludicrous. It does not work, it is a temporary fix that in the end will blow itself out of the water. 

Here is an update on my fast: Day 3, going strong, thinking about doing 7 days but will play it by ear. My health is good, feeling hungry still, the digestive system shuts down after today, so the hunger should go away. I had an enema and good meditation session. I feel at peace and balanced. I hoping to detox the T out of the body or at least get a head start.  I am excited to see the changes in me and to start to recognize my old self. I have such a new found love for myself and the knowledge I have gathered during these past 13 years have been amazing.  More about that on my next blog, till next time.....

What Does De Transitioning Mean To Me?

From the moment we sailed out to advocate against dangerous blockers for Children, we have been asked if we were going to de transition? At the time it seemed like the right thing to do so we could provide a strong message, however, who was I kidding? After 12 years of being on hormones, my changes are permanent, I have no ovaries therefore I can't produce my own hormones and to shift gear on this body is only placing my own health in danger. I noticed fatigue, I was losing weight very rapidly, had no sex drive and was starting to feel very depressed.  I looked in the mirror and was not happy with what I was seeing. Don't get me wrong, Maritza is alive and well in me, I am her and will forever be. I will always stand up for my sisters and help fight their battle, I am woman, here me roar, yet I am also Mark and I can't erase neither one of them, nor do I want to. I have created who I am today, not taking away from anyone or anything. I refuse to wear the label Trans, since many in this community have been mocking me and hurting me for being a different voice. In spite of it all, I still have trans identifying friends who have stock with us, and we love them dearly. Just because we have a different view, doesn't mean we can't be friends.


We never meant to hurt anyone, yet the attacks and counter attacks were flaring at speed. Anger and hate solves nothing. We still believe strongly in our views, but choose to go about things a different way. We want to be happy and continue to love one another as we do, and can't focus on the haters. Any way, it is sad that there is little to no information on de transitioning, and we still want to bring focus on this to help those who can return to their old self. Knowledge is golden and how can we learn if we don't question ourselves?

De Transitioning Diary Fom The Ex Trans Man On A Mission First Month

So, I decided to blog my de transition, and create a guide for those who are planning to stop taking T, stop identifying as a man or trans man, and try to lead a semi normal life. I have tried to find information out there but have come out with blanks. I am debating if I should go on Estrogen for a while to try to bring back some normalcy since I have no ovaries or any other form of hormone production.

It has been almost one month since I stopped taking T, and today for the first time,  I did feel a bit tired during my run, I think this is normal since sex hormones do provide the oomph that is necessary for activities, and I have no ovaries to produce my own. Well lets see how this goes.  I will be posting information videos and such to help create a diary for those who want information regarding de transitioning. If any of you want to share your experiences, please feel free to comment. Note I screen all comments now due to the haters, but will get to the comments and the legit ones will be allowed.

 Here are the changes on my first month of De Transitioning:

• Hair growth still strong on my body and face.
• Voice still deep, but a bit raspy, difficulty singing, feels like voice will crack
• Mild headaches and fatigue
• I am more aware of my emotions, T numbed me.
• Letting my hair grow on my head, disappointed bald spot, very self conscious 
• Hate shaving and no longer find it pleasurable as I did before, really hate anything that is too manly on my body or appearance. I am trying to find a balance in self, and recreating my look and identity. 

I find the path to De Transitioning is much more difficult and less support than for Transitioning. 12 years ago, when I decided to transition there was not much information out there, well it seems the same goes no for the other path. The lack of support and hatred towards the community against de transitioners is over whelming, we hope to change this with time.