I remember having had problems from a very young age due to the excess amount of estrogen my body produced. My periods were erratic and painful, my moods and anxiety too much for a young body to handle. I hated everything about what this hormone stood for. It made me sick with many ailments from asthma, to hives, not to mention crippling heart palpitations and bone pain. I was a mess.
The latest supplementation I have been on DHEA and fenugreek have not agreed with me, I find to have had massive anxiety and with lots of heart flutters and an increased pulse and blood pressure. I have had to stop urine therapy since it is not recommended when taking any supplementation that alters your hormones. I find that these supplements increase my adrenal production of estradiol which my body does not like. I am going to stop and wait till my Suma root arrives and see how that goes.
Anxiety is no fun especially when it makes you sick and makes your heart feel like it will bust out of your chest. I believe the fenugreek is the culprit, once my body settles I may go back on DHEA but only take it 2 to 3 times a week. We are one giant chemistry set, and learning what works for us is important.
On another note it snowed here in Silver City and its been very cold not a great thing for an Islander, I like the change in season but prefer the warmth. Thankfully we have a great heating system and it’s all-inclusive in our rent.
On a happier note, Lynna and I had an amazing weekend went shopping for some kitchen toys to grind our own coffee beans and flaxseeds and purchased a French press coffee maker to make some awesome organic coffee.
We ordered a water purification system and continue on our health quest. Years of polluting our bodies with toxins both mental and physical require lots of purifying.
I know I will find the right mix for our bodies to lead a healthy life and to grow old gracefully.
If there is one thing I know for sure, when the native get restless, that means, that we are doing something right. When it comes to giving God all the credit and praise, and sharing our miraculous story, we will never shut up, you can count on that, we have through so much as a couple and see to many miracles from him to just remain silent.
We have been attacked from many communities in the past year as we learned our path, and the place we both felt we fit in this world. I like to say for those of you who are so certain of yours, congratulations, but wait a while and you will see what you thought was concrete, will go crumbling down with the rain which softens and destroys it's base. If there is anything for certain in life, is change. As people evolve and grow, so do their beliefs. If yours don't, you are the one with the problem, not us.
We have been ridiculed for believing in God, for changing our stances on the Trans agenda and on how feel regarding the LGB community. Our opinions are based on the rule of law, Gods law, one we now take very serious as Christians. If any of you knew me, I was not religious, in fact I use to fight against them, the reason, I did not feel worthy of Gods love and grace. Yet, when I pleaded him for help, he listened, and that my friends is all it took for me to realize that God is there, he is alive and on my side. God loves me, he never stopped loving me, it was the devil that lied to me, tears roll down my eyes as I am writing this, listening to Spanish praise music, while the Lord fills my heart with the Holy Spiritas I share my heart to the world. The beauty of it all is that you too can have his love, you just need to let him in. I promise you, that if you do, things will change, but you have to mean it, you have to want him, he will not push himself upon you.
Getting back to the haters, we now have Lesbians, radical feminists, trans people and trolls hating on our social media, even during our live shows. We have experienced different level of hate, name calling and oh yes, attempts to throw us of our mission, Gods mission.
We get private messages on our online transition radio show emails:
"Shame on you both! My name is Tia (Yes, my email address is a pun.) I am a lesbian radical feminist and a Dianic pagan. I remember when you both "dabbled" in radical feminism. I am completely outraged by what you are doing now. Modern gender theory has its problems, but the problems stem from patriarchal belief systems that push men and women into rigid, oppressive social roles. Furthermore, you both have extremely sexist notions about what it means to be a "man" or "woman." I often dress like Maritza/Mark did during transition. It doesn't make me less female. Clothes are just clothes. Hair is just hair. It doesn't matter. Let people dress however they want to dress. I know that you are probably "returning" to Christ for the $$$. It is truly pathetic. You both are snakes that change sides whenever you think the you can make a buck off of it".
As if we are making or have ever made any money for our shows, everything from the countless hours I spent promoting this community since the inception of Transition Radio TV 2012, where all cost came out of my pocket, including the hours I spent making the website, to our evolution of warning people against the heinous practice of transitioning minors, gender reassignment surgery and the concept that gender can be changed.
After the veils are removed one gets to see how ridiculous it all seems and sounds. I say when you are living in filth, you can't smell it or see it, but once you get clean, you look at those living in it in horror and discuss. God's plan was never meant to rewire your genetics, DNA and Chromosomes, you were born exactly as you are. You were not meant to alter your body.
1 Corinthians 6:19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.
1 Corinthians 6:20
for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.
Then we have Lesbians attacking every way possible, to the point they are becoming trolls and stalkers.
"Sherrie Larch said... These two used the trans community to get attention, they used radical feminists to get attention, they used lesbians and gay men to get attention, they used Facebook friends to get attention (including me) now they are using the religious right to get attention.
Telling lesbians we need to have a good f@cking by a man for Jesus is completely disgusting and also supporting rape culture and corrective rape. Their channel is a disgusting homophobic shit fest for attention".
Understand this person has mental issues, well known for them, just google her name and the trail of madness speaks for itself. I also think she has had a thing for me, for awhile now, and is pissed off that I am now a man lover, lol. Oh and not to mention, she hates religion as most in the LGBT community do, and then there are the ones that believe that God accepts them for who they are, and are in total denial of God's laws and rules, so they continue to live in sin, while attending Church and calling themselves Christians.
Imagine the shock and disbelief for those who knew me, to remotely understand that this once Lesbian, then trans man, alpha at that, has now returned to her female roots, and is now a woman of God, submissive to her husband and to the Lord. It may be tough to swallow for many, however if you know my past, and path, you would understand why. It was all empty before, I was searching, but never found truth until now. I had Failed relationships, drug and alcohol abuse, I was empty and broken, but now I know that God is alive, he is all loving and forgiving, he showed me grace and love and he is waiting for you to call upon him.
God saved my life, I now have no worries, I am free, I am grateful and at peace, something I never felt before, as I dealt with all that comes with the LGBT lifestyle, drugs, sex, self loathing, depression, anger, fear, guilt and lack of truth, it all stems from the devil and his lies to you, he promises you a world of fun, but it all comes with a price. if you don't believe me, just look at those in this lifestyle, it speaks for itself. I should know I lived as a lesbian for 25 years and 13 as a trans man, I have been heavily involved in advocating for both communities, a community I can no longer support, for it failed me and its going against Gods will.
For those that claim that I used these communities, as many are writing on social media, the facts are that the community used me. They had no problem when I was the fierce advocate, promoting their cause, now that I see right through it, I all of a sudden have become their enemy. Well, guess what, we will not be silenced or bullied, as this LGBT agenda tries to force themselves as normal in every house hold via media and their propagandas, enough is enough, God wants you back and the devil will have to stand back.
For the past week or so, I feel like I have been invaded by the witches of Salem, no really, I have been labeled from everything like rapist apologists, women hater, MRA and everything under the sun because I support my wife Lynna and the trans community. I was going through my own turmoil and fighting my own inner demons when I spoke against the community I fought hard and long for. But now that I have worked through all of my challenges, I can clearly see, and no longer wish to go against a community that I have loved for years. My wife is transgender, I love her more than life itself. I owe no allegiance to anyone but her. I am sorry if people think I have made a complete 180 and feel forsaken, I cannot support your hate and lack of compassion for my wife and those like her.
I have been getting slammed on all of my social media outlets, and have felt the heat from many who follow the radical feminist think tank. The group WOLF, who also have a page on face book called: we demand sex segregation safe women's spaces, have gone over board with screen shots and just trying to vilify Lynna and I for not agreeing with their mantra. We don't want to invade your spaces, the bathrooms are there for a purpose and that is to use them. Trans women have every right to use the bathroom that reflects their legal documentation, as you have every right to howl at the moon and run naked on your own private camps. There is room enough on this planet for everyone to co exist and live. Now grow up and learn to play in the sand box with others. In addition you don't have to date trans women if you don't want to, stop the paranoia and just lighten up already.
Lynna and I hate no one, we don't support harming women in any way, we do support equality for everyone, and the ability to allow humans to live as they feel best. If that makes us haters then by all means. But stop with the constant barrage and ridiculous allegations, and if you really wanted to do right by women, stop pushing your hate on the world.
Now to change the subject, since I am really over this whole rad fem fiasco, I wanted to say that I have noticed weight gain since stopping T, funny enough when I wanted to transition in May, the weight started to fall off real rapidly, this time the opposite is happening. My sex drive continues to drop, my over all health is good, no mood swings or fatigue, sleeping great and feeling really good. The headaches are less frequent if at all. Feeling good, loving returning to me, detransitioning was definitely the right thing for me to do. Goodbye Mark, hello Maritza, I can't wait to blossom into the great women that I know I can be. Will I be butch or will I be fem? Well, I think I will be a bit of both, no different than what I use to be back in the day.
Finding self acceptance and understanding that the only constant in life is change may help us evolve and grow in our wisdom. There are many people in the world that are stuck in logistics believing that biology is the only true marker for sex and identity. I use to be one of those people till my detransitioning and awakening took place. I am detransitioning not because I don't believe that sex is none negotiable, as I use to believe before, but instead because my female side is more powerful and I missed her so. I could have easily continued to live as Mark, I played him very well. But I miss Maritza's gentle smile, her strength of character which was stronger than Marks Alpha appearing nature. Maritza needed to heal and took a back seat, while Mark handled things for the 13 years of my trans experience.
I believe transition has made me a better person, and I find that I am so much more complete now than ever before. I don't need to fight society or the system to prove who I am, I know now I am that I am. I have learn to love, something Maritza did not know how to do, not even Mark, but through my lived experience and the presence of my angel Lynna, my heart opened up and now all I can feel is love. Unconditional divine love. I can now feel, when before I was closed and unexpressive. Lynna freed me, showed me how to love in ways I didn't think where possible.
I will fight for her and for all my trans brothers and sisters, dare anyone talk bad or not validate their truth, for I will speak up, I will prove how wrong the nay sayers are. They are simply scared and their fears are creating the divide. Biology is not as concrete as we may think it is, humans have not even began to scratch the surface of the brain, the heart and the soul.
I still believe people need to be mindful that transition is what they truly want and need. There are lots of complications and concerns to be had. But please be free to be, be love, be present and most of all be kind. For in the end with all the material things we gather and all of the hatred we harbor, the only thing in life that really matters is love.
My wife wrote on her Face Book wall a few days ago (and since we have been the target for many rad fems) the meaning of radical and how anything extremes is destructing and divisive. When we bring up the curtains and remove the veil, we actually get to see the truth behind the intent. Let it be known that any movement that may have been started with organic and purest of intent, ends up being perverted by politics and its original meaning lost and ruined.
Angry people stand behind these movement pushing their own angry filled agenda and hate. Lets take a look at Jesus, he came to show us the way, and told us "we too can do great things than him and that the kingdom of eternity and love is within us, not outside of us". It's not based on what you tithe or how many times you go to church, or if you judge others, (so you don't get to see your own faults). So Christianity, although claimed to be started by or for Jesus, was actually a tool of politic devise, it is used to push hateful agenda's and to promote a separatist mentality. I know there are good hearted Christians, but the gist of the religion is based on blood shed and control, the follower are taught not to think and have blind faith, they judge others, and feel they are better than everyone else, at least this is what Lynna and I have encountered and I am sure others have too. But we don't hate Christians or wish for them to have separate bathrooms and an island of their own.
Same thing goes for this Rad Fem movement, started with good intent but instead is now based on venom and hatred against men. I will say, men are responsible for lots of bad things, but women went right along with it, so why put all the blame on one species and see the other as a saint? Women have power, in fact women dominated in years past, just do some research on matriarchal systems in ancient history. Women are entitled to their privacy from men, but what they don't get is that trans women see themselves as women, they gave up the male card and the same hormones run through their veins as any genetic female. Their hearts feel just the same, so why push them away, to promote the hateful agenda that most Rad fems push?
I stand for women, I stand for men, I stand for trans folks, I stand for everyone in the LGBT community, I mostly stand for love and acceptance for all. Stop pushing your hateful agenda's and for those that say its not hate, they are only protecting women, no you are not, and yes you have hate, deal with truth and find out what makes you feel this hate and please get help. Man hating is not normal, in fact any kind of hating is pathological.
Two wrongs don't make a right and forgiveness may just save you in the end. Carrying anger and allowing our traumas to dictate our lives only creates further problems and divide. My own anger almost destroyed me, coming from a place of love and understanding feels way better, believe me.
We use the world love often and unconsciously, throw it around without any true concept of what Love truly is. We are taught from a very young age that we are loved if we do what we are told, even our own parents who brought us into this world fail to provide us the gift of unconditional love and that to me is a source of sadness beyond belief. This lack of unconditional love from our safe haven, creates the spiral of our life long relationship problems, including the relationship we have with ourself.
We come into this world to build not only our bank accounts and ego, but to build our spiritual connection with our higher self and our fellow spirits. Every interaction we have here on earth is not a coincidence, but a carefully planned contract that allows us to work through the many challenges and working that are fortified to us here on planet earth.
When we judge others, we are merely reflecting on something inside of us we don't like. Our relationships are there to help us see inside of self, sort of a mirror image. If you look at your past relationships and notice that we continue to be faced with similar situations it is no coincidence that these relationships are a guide for our growth, till you work things out, you will continue to be presented with the same situations time and time again. I believe in twin flame connections, and I believe that many of us are fortunate enough to be provided the gift of finding our twin. I am thankful to have found mine and ever since, my evolution and growth has sky rocketed in incredible ways, this is how you know you are with your twin, when you are faced with growth and challenges beyond your imagination.
Keep working on yourself and rid self of judgement and your life will change, you may even get to encounter your true other half. Life is exciting and can be an incredible teacher. Surrender to its lessons and navigate with an open heart and the world will be a kinder place. I have made many mistakes in my life time, but what I have learn from these mistakes is priceless, I would not change a single thing, even my transition, because my transition allowed me to meet my twin and now I am the happiest person alive, navigating the smooth seas with the sun shinning on my face and the world is my canvas, I will paint the images and pictures I wish to see, creating an ever flow of love, abundance, health and peace. I wish you all an amazing journey of learning and gratitude, give unconditional to yourself and others and that love will be fortified in return. Happy loving.....
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
2 months Testosterone Free
For the past 13 years I have been playing a role of a character I created. Mark Angelo Cummings as head strong as the name sounds, it also embodied the full creation of a alpha man who I would have wanted to fall in love with, marry and that would help me heal the wounds created by the men in my life. I wanted to be what I wish most men could be, but somewhere down the line things got misconstrued and the man I was trying to create, slowly started to become like the ones I hated. I was self center, egotistical, narcissistic, unable to stay focus and in the end destroyed everything Maritza managed to create.
Although many may think of my narrative, as strange, considering myself as two individuals, my duality in my opinion is not a pathology but a self defense mechanism to help me deal and cope with all the challenges life presented me. Maritza wanted back after around the 5 year mark, but didn't know how to return. She watched from a far while Mark continued to make a mess of things, acting like a demanding adolescent who believed the world revolved around him, no one else matter but "him". Playing with his new found male privilege, Mark wanted to change the world as Mark saw it, in the end hurting many that where unfortunate to cross his path. Now in all fairness, I can't say he was a complete monster, after all, Maritza still had a foot inside the abode, but kept silent as an observer, quietly shaking her head as she watched on horror.
Fast forward many years, Maritza started to slowly take back her mind, but what still handicapped by the male hormone that did not allow her to completely take control of what was rightfully hers. Until finally with the change of events, Maritza was able to break free and now has finally returned. I feel more alive than ever, I feel I was able to learn more about men, life in general, than ever before. I feel blessed although lots of damage was done, I am now able to repair and heal while finally moving forward to the rest of my life.
It feels so good to be me again, leaving me, has helped me appreciate who I truly am. I have more respect for the trans community, which fight hard to fine themselves on a daily basis. Feeling alive is a wonderful feeling, I say here is to all of us who have been lost and lonely, may you find your truth in whatever form that may be.
It blows my mind how quickly the retransition is taking place leaving me to think did it ever happen
So my new found epiphany of being kinder, nonjudgemental is creating problems amongst some of my once radical feminists friends. They are now saying I am no longer an ally because I empathies with men. Let me say this, I know many see trans women as men, and I am guilty of that in the past, but since being married and in love with a trans woman, I must fortify her the decency of love and understanding, and can see her female energy above her biology. Maybe that is all we need to do, is show these individuals respect, and that we understand their pain and see that they care enough about us, to want to leave their male camps. Why must we find the need to tell them they are not women, I think they know that biologically they are not, and the pain they feel may not allow them to realize what many see as reality.
I don't understand why I must choose sides, and why I can't have compassion for both, women and trans women. I am sorry the life long battle that has been going on for centuries must continue to be placed in the forefront. I for one find that what we resist will persist, if we continue to focus on what we don't like or want, we will only get more of the same. So, one group feels they are being wiped from the phase of the earth because another group wants recognition, can we not co exist and maybe try to help each other out?
I think that as a species we need to really look at what is going on here, we are going around in circles trying to justify our ideology and force this ideology on others, and no one is listening to another persons needs, instead creating scenarios that hurt everyone, not just women. I want to say that I love women, I am a woman and I will always hold allegiance for my sisters, but I also have allegiance for my spouse and my trans female friends, which I have alienated for a while now by waving a hate flag. I am sorry I can no longer do that, I want to come from a place of love, compassion and forgiveness. So all I ask is to please respect my views and do not try to shame my new views or pit me against my feminists friends who understand my opinions and new beliefs. People grow, they change and they evolve. I am sorry you feel betrayed, those are not my intentions, I am just being honest and real. We want to continue to be a beacon of love and light and there is no room for hate. I want to continue to focus on my detransition, I want to continue to spread knowledge to help people understand their struggles, not point them out and judge them for it. As women, our power may lie in our ability to have compassion and be the peace makers, if we wage battle towards others for pushing our own needs, what makes us any better than what we are fighting against.
I get it, many will read my words and see me now as the enemy and no longer an ally, well I am sorry you feel that way. I can still be an ally without having to carry around the need to want to destroy the opposition. I am part of the trans umbrella although I am a detransitioner, I can't throw them under the bus because I chose to no longer identify as a trans man, they have a right to live and be.
One of the things that frustrates me the most about this community is the lack of self awareness and ability to reason with truth. I can understand not liking the body you were giving, the gender you were pronounced at birth, but just because you don’t like it or want it, does not give you the right to negate it. You can alter yourself all you want, heck pay a doctor enough and he will attach horns on your head and you can call yourself the devil if you like, but please, please, have some sort of reality check and realize that you are not the opposite gender you were born as, no matter what procedure you get.
I believe many of these individuals really believe in their minds and hearts that they are the opposite gender they were born as, and the actual medical "professionals" who are enabling these individuals are not helping them in the least. In fact, they are creating monsters, instead of placing a sense of reality on these folks. The notion is that they can be who they want to be and dare anyone question or challenge their beliefs, and here is where the pathology begins. Its not that you like to wear dresses, make up and heels if you were born a man, its the notion that you can change your sex and expect everyone to bow down to your wishes and fantasies. Shaming real women, forcing men to date them and visa versa.
The lack of self awareness is where the danger stems and in the end when the walls come crashing down, these individuals end up committing suicide, and or living a life of deep depression even after all they did. No procedure can ever change your biology, nothing that you can do will ever make you a real boy or girl, you are the sex you were born as and the sooner you accept this, the happier you will be.
Detransition progress is going well, I am feeling more and more at peace with me, and can't ever believe I allowed myself to think I could change my gender or be happy with the change. The consciousness always prevails and we can't escape our inner voice, not for long anyways. In fact, I am excited to see what lies ahead, and to be able to be a beacon a light for others who have also fallen prey for th trans agenda, letting them know that they can be themselves without hurting their bodies, their love ones and their future, because there is no future in this endeavor, it only brings destruction, unless you are one of the lucky ones who has been chosen to be a soldier for the cause. The ones they are using now to lure everyone in, promising them fame and fortune, and all the attention money can buy, but this fame and fortune will not last forever, for once they achieve what they want, they will drop you like a lead balloon.
Let's stand up for what really counts, allowing our future gender variant kids, teens and adults to be happy with their bodies and life, let us teach acceptance, let us change the way society looks at gender norms and make this world a safer place for us all, instead of promoting the medicalization of gender and quick fix that will lead to a quicker death. Till next time...
Opening my eyes after the aftermath is pretty difficult to say the least. The voices of I told you so come to mind, the pictures in my mind from all the events that lead to the big decision and reactions of those around me, "I am transitioning", "I was born in the wrong body" words that I pounded on those I love.
I see now how crazy it was, I see myself in the faces of the youth, I was so sure of my decision and so on board with the trans narrative that is devastating the lives of many. What is actually wrong with us, what would possess us to do such atrocities and justify them as right? What will it take to make people wake up from this nightmare they claim to be a life saver and dream? The claims that people are happier, in a better mental place than ever before is only based on the sugar pill approach, for it is so apparent that after the novelty wears off, there issues are still there and the need for more is evident. Surgery after surgery, irresponsible behavior after behavior, the lack of self esteem returns, why are people not being truthful?
The denial that no matter what they do to themselves they will never achieve the ultimate goal of being the opposite sex. They are being lied to and lead by a system that only cares about profit, telling a male bodied individual that they can look like a woman. Unless you are born with androgynous features, small boned, small hands and feet and facial features that will provide you with that feminine look, no matter what you do, you will always be clocked, those are just the facts.
Realize that if your happiness depends on the validation of others, you will never be happy. If your life is based on looks, then you will be heading on a very disappointing ride. You are aging, the aging of a man cannot be hidden with cosmetics or hormones, you will at best look like a freak, just look at the older trans role models and see what they look like. Lynn Conway, Rene Richards, Sylvia Rivera, Lana Lawless and many more who have not grown old gracefully nor healthily due to the lifestyle, stress from surgical procedures and lets us not forget synthetic hormones. This agenda is based on sex and looks, on fetishes and self gratification wrapped in one big ball of mental issues that everyone is missing. Men cannot be women, science has fortified you an illusion that will come tubmling down as you grow older and all the complications that come with this madness.
The selling point of this agenda is what about the suicide rates? Well what about them, suicide is a mental condition that needs to be taken care of, people don't always get what they want. When people claim to want to take their life because they can't get what they want, that is just wrong and plainly narcissistic. There are too many loses in this endeavor and those responsible for allowing humans to undergo this, should be held accountable. Let us return to our sanity for the trans agenda is full of loses and pain that never, ever goes away.
It has been two weeks since I have fully detransitioned and feel, well, fantastic. I am fully embracing my truth, and disregarding the untruth that lead my life for the past 13 years. There are lots of logistics to work through, like changing all my documents and return to my rightful birth name Maritza, but all in due time. Right now I am focusing on cleaning out every testosterone traces from my body. I will need laser or electrolysis for my face and body and I will also be needing a hair transplant to regain my beautiful hair back. How long this will this take? I don't know, but those are goals that I have set up for myself. I feel strong and even more empowered than I have ever before. I feel healthy as of now, but it has only been a few weeks since I am hormone free. I have no ovaries so I might need estrogen, but I will play that by ear and see how my body responds, after all there are many women who at my age (51) and who do not take any HRT at all, do just fine.
I am going to recreate myself, and feel free in my body and mind. Not being what everyone else wants me to be. If I would have followed that formula before, I would not have gotten myself into this mess in the first place. Feeling free with being me is of the most importance as well as my health. I find that being on hormones is like playing Russian Roulette, it is only a matter of time when that bullet is in the chamber and goes right through your head. So, from now on I will fight for authenticity and truth. Helping people realize what being true really is, not some made up version of who they think they should be.
Live life to the fullest, be kind to everyone around you, don't keep any secrets, take good care of yourselves and most of all, Love, love unconditionally and that means yourself as you are.
Just as the moment of death when your life flashes before you, I feel that's where I am at, at this moment in time. I transitioned in 2003, had quite the journey and paved my path, yet, In the end, I found out that what I did solved absolutely nothing. I am no more a man today than I was Dec 23 2003 when I underwent a 7 hour procedure that consisted of a double mastectomy, laparoscopy induced radical hysterectomy and oophorectomy. I mutilated myself as many do in the quest of "changing" their sex. Now I look back and think "what was I thinking"? I became bald, hairy, scared and maimed, but a man, I am not. I know many in the trans community think they can magically change who they are by undergoing these procedures and taking dangerous hormones, but if they closely examined this, they would soon find out, that they are wrong. How many women under go radical hysterectomies and mastectomy's due to cancer or other health issues? They are still women, not men. How many genetically born females have excess androgen and suffer from all sorts of hormonal imbalances, having a deeper voice, hair in places they don't want, and lose the hair on their heads, many. Yet, they are still women.
My siblings and I
How many men are born with an extreme feminine personalities, love everything nice and pink, yet, are men. Yes that's right folks, this latest notion that we can change our bodies to become something else, does not make us that something else we wish to be. We are only making fools of ourselves and the medical community lots of money. Save your money, and spend your time helping others, get out of your head and self for a minute, and realize that your gender dysphoria is not the most important thing in this world.
Mom and I
Now, lets talk a little bit about my de transitioning and this blog. I hope to be able to bring some awareness to this matter, and dive deep, deeper than most have ever cared to dive into. I did what I did back in 2003, because I believed that this fantasy was possible. But when the years passed, I realize that this was just another impulse driven by my need to belong and feel "normal" Boy was I wrong, I have felt less normal since my transition and there was never a day, I didtn think of myself as an imposter, and oh yes a freak. I would look in the mirror and see the scars and my excessively hair body and bald head, and at times I just wanted to scream. I, being Maritza, the real person in this body, who had to step aside for this destructive individual who ruined everything Maritza worked so hard to build. You think you are being true to yourself, but like an episode or a scene from invasion of the body snatcher, your new creation is slowly destroying everything you ever where, created or loved.
So now its time to turn the page, and start a new chapter, or maybe even a book. Maritza is back and will no longer allow this fabrication called Mark to continue to ruin her life. So I say to you old friend, I know you meant well, and in a sense was created to protect Maritza from all the bad things men have done in her life. I know your heart was in the right place, but I am sorry to say, your time is up, and you can now leave us alone and in peace. Your destruction will forever leave scars in our lives, but the time for healing is now. So goodbye Mark and welcome back Maritza, you have a life ahead of you and lots of healing to do.
