Self Reflecting Bug

In reality when people fight against a particular cause or person, they are actually fighting the demons they deal with, within themselves on a daily basis.  My transition was all about hating parts of me that was made to feel undesirable and unwanted. The upbringing and stereotypical format we as women are use to contend with, leads us to become that which we hate, and run away from that which we are. I see all these movements waving a hate flag, making everyone the enemy and in reality doing much of nothing but endless void voices without action or real cause. 

I fought my femininity for the longest time and only wanting to feel my masculine parts that constitutes a part of me. I feel so much need now to embrace the sacred feminine in me. I want my long hair, my soft hairless skin, a body that moves swiftly and gingerly through this world. I want more than anything to feel that gentle nature that I fought hard to get rid off, because I didn't want to be hurt by others in the end. That fear only leads to hurt, not only self but others. We really do not need to battle, battles are destructive and in the end hurts not only your oppressors but yourself as well. 

Take time to reflect, to feel the pain, own it, understand it, then push it away. Forgive and forget, because just the mere memory is damaging. How many women live in fear of rape because they were once raped or molested, if you hold on to that, the damage will follow you for the rest of your life? Trust me freeing yourself from that is so powerful and healing. If you hold on to it, it will continue to harm you and others around you, you will not allow true love in your heart and will bring more of the same pain into your life.

Take the time to heal, be present and notice your every thought. Are you constantly angry? Are you always thinking someone is going to hurt you or that you are entitled? Let go of those thoughts free yourself from that prison. There is no one out to get you, the world is your oyster and everyone in life there to love and help you. Create this reality and watch your world change.

Woman are not a commodity for a political movement, women are part of humanity which has another component. We need each other to make this world go round and to make life happen. Men are just as important for the survival our species and are just as much of a victim as we are. Remember you can't wash one hand without another.  

Love you all, but love yourselves too

Ritz

Happiness Is Yours

We all believe that we will be happy if  and when we obtain a certain materialistic good, achieve a certain look, or receive any of the worldly marker of success, be it a career or a relationship of choice.  But in the end as we go through life chasing our dreams to be "happy, happiness was already in you. Nothing you do or did was actually the precursor of that happiness. 

We join groups whether online or in person that have what we believe are the characteristics that we honor and believe in. But these groups are they really looking out for your best interest? Are they really what you believe in, or is it something that was placed there? It is important to grasp the knowledge of self, to understand you fully. Are you happy because you are, or because someone told you, you would be happy if you obtain these things in life? It's safe to say that many of you really are not aware of your deep needs, inner concepts of self and are just waving someone else's flag, instead of your own.

Most political platforms uses people and their emotions to promote their agendas. Be it religious dogma, a political party, or an idealistic organization promoting hate and separation. If you want to be happy, happiness will not be accomplished by following any of these paths which in the end do nothing more than create problems for the world.

If you want to be happy find your center, go out in nature, create and start a hobby. Help the less fortunate, get in the best shape of your life. Sing, dance and paint. Stop fighting the good fight, just be you and be happy. Never forget that the only way those that control the world win, is by dividing us all, if we unite we win and they lose.

Learn to love everyone and meet them where they are at, one day you might be facing the same hateful witch hunt by a group that thinks what you do  or say is wrong. Create your reality and world, and happiness will be yours for the taking.

Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. A variety of biological, psychological, religious and philosophical approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources. ( Or is it?)

Love you all

Ritz 

For Crying Out Load

For the past week or so, I feel like I have been invaded by the witches of Salem, no really, I have been labeled from everything like rapist apologists, women hater,  MRA and everything under the sun because I support my wife Lynna and the trans community. I was going through my own turmoil and fighting my own inner demons when I spoke against the community I fought hard and long for. But now that I have worked through all of my challenges, I can clearly see, and no longer wish to go against a community that I have loved for years.  My wife is transgender, I love her more than life itself. I owe no allegiance to anyone but her. I am sorry if people think I have made a complete 180 and feel forsaken, I cannot support your hate and lack of compassion for my wife and those like her. 

I have been getting slammed on all of my social media outlets, and have felt the heat from many who follow the radical feminist think tank. The group WOLF, who also have a page on face book called: we demand sex segregation safe women's spaces, have gone over board with screen shots and just trying to vilify Lynna and I for not agreeing with their mantra. We don't want to invade your spaces, the bathrooms are there for a purpose and that is to use them. Trans women have every right to use the bathroom that reflects their legal documentation, as you have every right to howl at the moon and run naked on your own private camps. There is room enough on this planet for everyone to co exist and live. Now grow up and learn to play in the sand box with others. In addition you don't have to date trans women if you don't want to, stop the paranoia and just lighten up already.

Lynna and I hate no one, we don't support harming women in any way, we do support equality for everyone, and the ability to allow humans to live as they feel best. If that makes us haters then by all means. But stop with the constant barrage and ridiculous allegations, and if you really wanted to do right by women, stop pushing your hate on the world.

Now to change the subject, since I am really over this whole rad fem fiasco, I wanted to say that I have noticed weight gain since stopping T, funny enough when I wanted to transition in May, the weight started to fall off real rapidly, this time the opposite is happening. My sex drive continues to drop, my over all health is good, no mood swings or fatigue, sleeping great and feeling really good. The headaches are less frequent if at all. Feeling good, loving returning to me, detransitioning was definitely the right thing for me to do. Goodbye Mark, hello Maritza, I can't wait to blossom into the great women that I know I can be. Will I be butch or will I be fem? Well, I think I will be a bit of both, no different than what I use to be back in the day.

Love you all

Ritz 

Love Is All That Matters

Finding self acceptance and understanding that the only constant in life is change may help us evolve and grow in our wisdom. There are many people in the world that are stuck in logistics believing that biology is the only true marker for sex and identity. I use to be one of those people till my detransitioning and awakening took place.  I am detransitioning not because I don't believe that sex is none negotiable, as I use to believe before, but instead because my female side is more powerful and I missed her so. I could have easily continued to live as Mark, I played him very well. But I miss Maritza's gentle smile, her strength of character which was stronger than Marks Alpha appearing nature. Maritza needed to heal and took a back seat, while Mark handled things for the 13 years of my trans experience. 

I believe transition has made me a better person, and I find that I am so much more complete now than ever before. I don't need to fight society or the system to prove who I am, I know now I am that I am. I have learn to love, something Maritza did not know how to do, not even Mark, but through my lived experience and the presence of my angel Lynna, my heart opened up and now all I can feel is love. Unconditional divine love. I  can now feel, when before I was closed and unexpressive. Lynna freed me, showed me how to love in ways I didn't think where possible.

I will fight for her and for all my trans brothers and sisters, dare anyone talk bad or not validate their truth, for I will speak up, I will prove how wrong the nay sayers are. They are simply scared and their fears are creating the divide. Biology is not as concrete as we may think it is, humans have not even began to scratch the surface of the brain, the heart and the soul. 

I still believe people need to be mindful that transition is what they truly want and need. There are lots of complications and concerns to be had. But please be free to be, be love, be present and most of all be kind. For in the end with all the material things we gather and all of the hatred we harbor, the only thing in life that really matters is love.

Love you all

Ritz

Please Explain

Ever since Lynna and I have decided to no longer be anti trans  and actually bring a positive light while maintaining a healthy education platform, we have then felt the wrath from the Radical Feminism cult. I have been told that Rad Fems are not about hate, separation and war against men, so please help me understand these quotes:

"All sex, even consensual sex between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman."
-- Catharine MacKinnon, Marxist, professor of law at the University of Michigan

"All men are rapists and that's all they are"
-- Marilyn French,The Women's Room (Percent of reported rape or near-rape incidents = .07% [FBI Uniform Crime Report list for 1996])

"Marriage as an institution developed from rape as a practice."
-- Andrea Dworkin, feminist author, lesbian activist, former prostitute

"Heterosexual intercourse is the pure, formalized expression of contempt for women's bodies."
-- Andrea Dworkin

"Under patriarchy, every woman's son is her potential betrayer and also the inevitable rapist or exploiter of another woman,"
-- Andrea Dworkin, Liberty, p.58

"Sex and murder are fused in the male consciousness, so that the one without the imminent possibility of the other is unthinkable and impossible."
-- Andrea Dworkin, Letters from a War Zone

"When a woman reaches orgasm with a man she is only collaborating with the patriarchal system, eroticizing her own oppression..."
-- Sheila Jeffreys, lesbian activist, professor of political science at the University of Melbourne, Australia

"It is not only men convicted of rape who believe that the only thing they did that was different from what men do all the time is get caught."
-- Catharine A. MacKinnon, Toward a Feminist Theory of the State, 1989, First Harvard University Press (a legal treatise comparing feminism with socialism and communism)

Here is the link so you can read the rest: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads%2Fcrazy-feminist-quotes.209166%2F

I personally am appalled by these words, and frankly ashamed. Thankfully I know that my being a woman is not tied to feminism in any way, in fact I want nothing to do with it.  I love men, I love women, I love trans individuals, gays and lesbians. I believe that ideology is destructive in all of its forms and needs to be eradicated like the cancer that it is. Men and women both have faults and virtues, no sex is better or more worthy than the other. They both need to learn to co exist and deal with age long hurt that has been passed from generation to generation. So please help me explain what does all this fighting solve?

I want to appeal to your human nature, those of you who are anti trans, who feel that biology is all that matters, think about this for one moment: genitals in a fetus is undifferentiated, meaning we have the possibility of being either or depending on the hormonal bathing.

There are various combinations and events that can go wrong during development, also let us not forget the spirit and personality of this child and person, that is more than just a penis or a vagina, a womb or sac. People are more than their chromosomes and DNA, they are humans with feelings, needs and intrinsic behaviors and personalities.

Why should we deny them their reality and happiness? Why must you build your political campaign around someone else's life and needs. Rise up from your judgment and personal opinion and try to be tolerant and accept that not everything in life is black or white, there are many shades of grey.

Unconditional Love

We use the world love often and unconsciously, throw it around without any true concept of what Love truly is.  We are taught from a very young age that we are loved if we do what we are told, even our own parents who brought us into this world fail to provide us the gift of unconditional love and that to me is a source of sadness beyond belief. This lack of unconditional love from our safe haven, creates the spiral of our life long relationship problems, including the relationship we have with ourself. 

We come into this world to build not only our bank accounts and ego, but to build our spiritual connection with our higher self and our fellow spirits. Every interaction we have here on earth is not a coincidence, but a carefully planned contract that allows us to work through the many challenges and working that are fortified to us here on planet earth.

When we judge others, we are merely reflecting on something inside of us we don't like. Our relationships are there to help us see inside of self, sort of a mirror image. If you look at your past relationships and notice that we continue to be faced with similar situations it is no coincidence that these relationships are a guide for our growth, till you work things out, you will continue to be presented with the same situations time and time again. I believe in twin flame connections, and I believe that many of us are fortunate enough to be provided the gift of finding our twin. I am thankful to have found mine and ever since, my evolution and growth has sky rocketed in incredible ways, this is how you know you are with your twin, when you are faced with growth and challenges beyond your imagination.  

Keep working on yourself and rid self of judgement and your life will change, you may even get to encounter your true other half. Life is exciting and can be an incredible teacher. Surrender to its lessons and navigate with an open heart and the world will be a kinder place. I have made many mistakes in my life time, but what I have learn from these mistakes is priceless, I would not change a single thing, even my transition, because my transition allowed me to meet my twin and now I am the happiest person alive, navigating the smooth seas with the sun shinning on my face and the world is my canvas, I will paint the images and pictures I wish to see, creating an ever flow of love, abundance, health and peace. I wish you all an amazing journey of learning and gratitude, give unconditional to yourself and others and that love will be fortified in return. Happy loving.....

                             2 months Testosterone Free 

      

                                                                                                                                              

For the past 13 years I have been playing a role  of a character I created. Mark Angelo Cummings as head strong as the name sounds,  it also embodied the full creation of a alpha man who I would have wanted to fall in love with, marry and that would help me heal the wounds created by the men in my life. I wanted to be what I wish most men could be, but somewhere down the line things got misconstrued and the man I was trying to create, slowly started to become like the ones I hated. I was self center, egotistical, narcissistic, unable to stay focus and in the end destroyed everything Maritza managed to create.

Although many may think of my narrative, as strange, considering myself as two individuals, my duality in my opinion is not a pathology but a self defense mechanism to help me deal and cope with all the challenges life presented me. Maritza wanted back after around the 5 year mark, but didn't know how to return.   She watched from a far while Mark continued to make a mess of things, acting like a demanding adolescent who believed the world revolved around him, no one else matter but "him". Playing with his new found male privilege, Mark wanted to change the world as Mark saw it, in the end hurting many that where unfortunate to cross his path. Now in all fairness, I can't say he was a complete monster, after all, Maritza still had a foot inside the abode, but kept silent as an observer, quietly shaking her head as she watched on horror. 

Fast forward many years, Maritza started to slowly take back her mind, but what still handicapped by the male hormone that did not allow her to completely take control of what was rightfully hers. Until finally with the change of events, Maritza was able to break free and now has finally returned. I feel more alive than ever, I feel I was able to learn more about men, life in general, than ever before. I feel blessed although lots of damage was done, I am now able to repair and heal while finally moving forward to the rest of my life.

It feels so good to be me again, leaving me, has helped me appreciate who I truly am. I have more respect for the trans community, which fight hard to fine themselves on a daily basis. Feeling alive is a wonderful feeling, I say here is to all of us who have been lost and lonely, may you find your truth in whatever form that may be.

It blows my mind how quickly the retransition is taking place leaving me to think did it ever happen

Dysphoria A Variety Of Feelings

So I learn to understand that not everyone in the trans community actually feels or encounters Dysphoria the same  way or with the actual intensity that some do.  I for one had very little dysphoria, and what I presumed was Dysphoria of my breast was actually caused by the boundaries I created from being sexually molested as a young child. I felt my breast was the center of my dysphoric feelings and what I felt when they were  touched was a dirty, feeling, therefore, I did not want them touched, I grew to hate them. I now have worked through that, a bit late I know, lol, but I often imagine how it would feel like if I had breast again. I would welcome them and not have the old relationship I had with them before. 

I look in the mirror now and I have so much work to do, the excess body hair and battle to rid of it, my face, the hardness, the facial hair battle and of coarse my male pattern baldness, all create a different type of dysphoria. I believe what I am experiencing now is what most trans folks experience but in reversal. This has now allowed me to have so much more compassion and understanding for my trans family, yes they are still my family, I grew to love, yet hate at the same time, just like an average dysfunctional families dynamics unfolds when dealing with issues they don't want to face.  We do most of our spiritual growth through our love ones, we face our biggest challenges through our interactions with them. So I want to thank the community for helping me grow and heal. We may not always agree but we can come to terms and learn to accept each others differences and respect our stance. 

I find I have more dysphoria now than before, and having a much harder time dealing with things or should I say finding patients. When I transitioned from female to male, the changes were quickly and strong. Now that I have all the male characteristics after 13 year of Testosterone and androgen use as a female body builder, the hardness of my face, voice and male characteristics are not as easy to reverse if at all. So believe me when I say, Trans sisters I feel your pain. 

I was cruel to not be understanding, but trust me when I say, I will try to do what I can to help the world understand your plight. I also want to help the adjacent communities find compassion in their hearts for the trans community, it is not a good place to be in harboring hate and resentment. Trans women are a different kind of women, some see themselves as much of a woman as we are. I want to help them feel at peace and at ease, I believe that if we unite and learn to understand one another, we can do great things as humans, and learn that we are more alike than we are different.  Waving a flag to make a political statement creates blood shed, lasting hurt that not only hurts the target, but hurts the one pulling the trigger of that hate gun. Remember being right is not always the solution, feeling peace and love is the way to freeing your soul.

Let us make 2016 the year of acceptance, a year that we can be proud of. We are women and I know we have been hurt through out history, but we can change that but not through politics or war, but instead through compassion and understanding. Remember many of you are mothers and will bring to this earth a child that one day may question his or her gender identity. Let us create a safe playground for our gender expression and well being.

Much Love

Ritz

Hurt

So my new found epiphany of being kinder, nonjudgemental is creating problems amongst some of my once radical feminists friends. They are now saying I am no longer an ally because I empathies with men. Let me say this, I know many see trans women as men, and I am guilty of that in the past, but since being married and in love with a trans woman, I must fortify her the decency of love and understanding, and can see her female energy above her biology. Maybe that is all we need to do, is show these individuals respect, and that we understand their pain and see that they care enough about us, to want to leave their male camps. Why must we find the need to tell them they are not women, I think they know that biologically they are not, and the pain they feel may not allow them to realize what many see as reality. 

I don't understand why I must choose sides, and why I can't have compassion for both, women and trans women. I am sorry the life long battle that has been going on for centuries must continue to be placed in the forefront. I for one find that what we resist will persist, if we continue to focus on what we don't like or want, we will only get more of the same. So, one group feels they are being wiped from the phase of the earth because another group wants recognition, can we not co exist and maybe try to help each other out?

I think that as a species we need to really look at what is going on here, we are going around in circles trying to justify our ideology and force this ideology on others, and no one is listening to another persons needs, instead creating scenarios that hurt everyone, not just women. I want to say that I love women, I am a woman and I will always hold allegiance for my sisters, but I also have allegiance for my spouse and my trans female friends, which I have alienated for a while now by  waving a hate flag. I am sorry I can no longer do that, I want to come from a place of love, compassion and forgiveness. So all I ask is to please respect my views and do not try to shame my new views or pit me against my feminists friends who understand my opinions and new beliefs. People grow, they change and they evolve. I am sorry you feel betrayed, those are not my intentions, I am just being honest and real.   We want to continue to be a beacon of love and light and there is no room for hate. I want to continue to focus on my detransition, I want to continue to spread knowledge to help people understand their struggles, not point them out and judge them for it. As women, our power may lie in our ability to have compassion and be the peace makers, if we wage battle towards others for pushing our own needs, what makes us any better than what we are fighting against. 

I get it, many will read my words and see me now as the enemy and no longer an ally, well I am sorry you feel that way. I can still be an ally without having to carry around the need to want to destroy the opposition.  I am part of the trans umbrella although I am a detransitioner, I can't throw them under the bus because I chose to no longer identify as a trans man, they have a right to live and be. 

Changes

It has been 2 months since I have been off Testosterone and I feel great. I am currently not on any hormones and allowing my body to do her own thing. I am confident that she will do right by me and I will be the picture of health and balance. I am happy emotionally, feeling good physically and today we have started another water fast. I believe fasting will expedite the healing process as will eating natural organic foods.

I wanted to discuss the changes I have seen thus far. First of all, my mind feels so much sharper as does my speech. I have always had a bit of a loss for words since transitioning, the research shows the a loss of grey matter takes place which affects our communication and now since being free of T for 2 months I feel more fluid and coherent. My facial and body hear are still coming in coarse and steady, not happy about that, and hoping that it will change with the passing months. I will be scheduling Laser when I move to Florida in a couple of months. 

My hair progress is coming along just fine and I have learn some really cool procedures that I will be using  to help it along. I was informed about a derma roller that is not only good for the skin but to stimulate hair follicles, here is a link Derma roller. 

Here is a comparison shot on the Left was the initial shot on Nov 15th on the right is on Jan 10th 2016. 

I am excited to see the many changes I will experience, already I see my face is softening up and that is with out estrogen of any kind since I don't have ovaries and I am not supplementing as of yet. I will play it by ear and see how it goes. If I take anything it will be natural, non synthetic.

As we lay in bed fasting and writing my blog, I can't help but wonder what is in store for the future. The challenges I still face with documentation changes, and learning to navigate my environment again after living life as a male identified person. I am optimistic and happy with lots of new found peace that radiates in every word I say and every thought I think. I am blessed to have a wonderful supporting spouse by my side who loves me for me, and that is whats important. My detransitioning has allowed me to have more compassion for the trans community and to be more empathetic with others. I know that many are not in accordance with the trans community for whatever reasons, but I have learned that everyone is entitled to live their lives. I do want to place emphasis on the importance to know if transitioning is right for you and not just to jump on the bandwagon because you think its the cooler thing to do. Do lots of soul searching, you don't want to do what I did and find out 13 years later that is was the wrong path. Note it was the wrong path for me, I am not saying it is the wrong path for everyone. I can only share my story and speak about me, and me alone.

Any way guys hope you are having a relaxing Sunday, I know Lynna and I are, chilling and fasting, reaching ultimate levels of healing and continuing to do much soul searching.

Lots of Love

Ritz

Love Is The Key To Healing

In the past I have allowed my emotions to get the better of me, being more reactive and not really thinking things through. If someone attacked me, I felt the urge to attack back. But since my vacation in Florida and hanging out with my sister and her lover who are really working with spiritual tools to help heal the soul, I have had a change of heart on what my approach will be from now in my advocacy. I will no longer find problems but instead focus on solutions coming from the heart and not mind based. I will no longer attack communities because they are no aligned with what I think is right. 

I will work to help heal people and share my journey as a tool for healing and not destruction. I now know that my approach was wrong and that I have no one to battle with, I am here to grow and evolve as a spirit being having a human experience. I apologize to all that I have hurt in the past with my words and strict dogma on how transitioning should or should not be. I will continue to educate providing information for those who need it, but I will not judge or use harsh words. I hope the new years brings everyone peace of mind and heart. I wish everyone on whatever journey you are on, pure love and tranquility, may you find that peace you seek. I will lead by example, and hope we can all one day make peace and not war.

It has been a real snowy couple of days, lots of time to reflect on my two weeks vacation, we are looking forward to moving to Florida and looking forward to being a beacon of love and light for those who wish to hear our message.

Love to all

Ritz

The Masks We Create

Remove the veil, remove the face, the usual narratives we all face, it is nothing more than a cry for help, creating a character that comes from hell, it has to be, when you look back and see the pain you have caused and all you took in the quest of your "happiness". Get defensive all you want, it is about time someone stood up to you and your cause. The go fund me accounts, the telling everyone to respect your pronouns and your plight, well what about the real world, doest that not count? You live in fantasy, every move you make is consumed by the creation in your mind, that you are trying to bring to life.  Fix yourself, really fix it, not just bandaid it with hormones and surgeries, you are in need of a revelation to stop the lies and your frustrations of wanting to fit in to a world that associates our kind as deplorable and unacceptable. 

Be wise, be real, accept the you that you were born as, doesn't mean you have to kiss ass, or be something you are not, but don't think for one moment that you will be able to alter your gender, it is all a fable, a big fat lie, one that you may get away with during the coarse of time, but there will come a day when your conscious will give you away.  Wait for it, I guarantee you, that your quest for this stunt is like Evil Knievel, but even he fell down and broke many bones, and eventually had to stop the show. 

You want to be brave, then step forward, and throw it all away, all the stereotypes you are trying to play. Stop feeding the system that is corrupting our world, our bodies and souls. You created this character to save you from your past, the ridicules you faced, all your insecurities and lack of say, it helped you talk and feel more confident, but of coarse it did, you now are on stage with a different number and name, no longer being criticized by the audience you face. They can't hurt you, cause the mask you have on your face, hides the true you that you hated each and every day.  The new you is more fabulous, wears fun clothes, sports new muscle, you feel invincible and strong, prettier than ever, more attention from the admirers who are as hurt as you, you feed each other without a clue. Time to wake up from the act, being you is the best thing to do in fact, give the real you a chance, now that you have tools to advance, it wasn't all bad, he/she taught you a lot, make it last. Teach the world what bravery is, and help the rest of the lost souls come back.  

Waking Up

Grandma and I

Many people claim their gender dysphoria is a biological condition that they have had to deal with and known since they were 3, 5 or 6 years of age. I have heard others say they knew later on in life during their teenage years, and then you have those that had the middle age bug, or should I say crisis and embarked in their transition later on in life. Whatever time frame, whatever your story, it all boils down to one thing. Self Hatred and not wanting to be seen as, different, weird a freak, you know, not fitting into societies neat little box.  I noticed that many were raised in a very religious house hold and struggle with being gay or feminine. Many enjoy dressing in secret and have a fetish with what they see in the mirror. Whatever your poison and ingredient in this trans soup, it is all the same, more salt or pepper, or an added pinch of spice, we all have the same disorder, not wanting to be in the body or gender we were assigned at birth. Well guess what, tuff. Learn to deal with the cards you were dealt. If you are intersex or have some sort of hormonal imbalance, by being true to you and showing the world that it is okay to be different, you are helping with the human evolution, instead you hide behind a dress and call you self a woman, or hide behind your muscles and fuzz on your face and call yourself a man.

Arm Guard Job at Bank

The most liberating feeling I have ever had is to finally own up to my mistakes and accept the sex that I was given at birth, the then little girl and now woman my mother held in her arms when I was born was no mistake. I am a woman, may not be the kind of woman that society wants me to be, but to that I say, tuff and get over it. I say woman of all shapes, colors, types and sizes need to rise up and claim your place here on this beautiful planet we call home. It is time we stand up for what is ours and stop catering to what men and this patriarchal system wants us to be or look like. I have been asked if I am going to be a feminine woman and if I am going to get surgeries to change my looks? To that I say, I am who I am, if one morning I wake up and feel like wearing make up (lightly, I don't like lots of it), or wear something more "girly", then I will. If I feel like wearing mens clothing one morning then I will do that too. I am not a poster child for any movement or any cause. I am Maritza Delcarmen Perdomo, my mothers daughter and fathers bundle of joy, born on June 30 in Havana Cuba, I am no mistake and I needed no alteration or changing. I just needed to be free to express and to be me. I say to all of you young women out there, who are battling with your gender acceptance and expression, it is not your gender that needs changing it is your valor and inner strength to be the best you, you can be. Stand up to the system, to the bullies, to the stereotyping of what they think a girl should be or look like. The same goes for you guys, stop wanting to be us, you will never be us and that is a good thing. We need good men to balance out this war driven planet, to protect our daughters from the pedophiles and creeps of this world.

Bodybuilding Contest I promoted and MCed

We all need to accept the cross that were given, and do right by those we love and love us.  One day you will wake up and realize that what you thought was a cross and curse, was actually a blessing to teach us how to love ourselves unconditionally and as we are. I love myself now more than ever, I am happier now than I could even imagine (for those who think I am miserable and a hater ), my life is real now. I don't have to walk around like a sneak or an imposter, I don't have to constantly be anxious about what others think, as many in this community spend way too much time focusing on passing, and fitting in.  Free yourselves and wake the hell up.

Finding Self

I believe as humans, we are always growing and changing, those that do not are in a perpetual state of nothingness. Whenever we believe we are done growing somehow we are saying that we have lost our drive to change and grow.

One of the reasons I denounced being transgender was the confusion and lack of construct in the word and community. Therefore I had to recreate and find my true self. In that search I found that I cannot and will never be placed in any type of box, including a gender box, Why? Because I am more than a couple of words slapped together by someone who thinks they know me. I am bigger than the word transgender, or Cis female, or Trans man. I cannot be explained nor be understood therefore, I am that I am, and forever will be changing and growing.

I hope to help end this fight we see amongst all the different groups and political agendas that divide us all and keep us fighting with one another. If we could just learn to respect and understand each others pain, and go a step further as to support one another, I believe we would solve the many problems we are faced with.

Now I still hold true many of my core beliefs, such as a man can not be a woman, nor can a woman be a man. We can easily express our selves and lead our lives in ways that finds us happiness, but when we create a political fight against others to prove we are something we are not, that is when the danger begins. Let us educate one another, let us understand while using a gentler approach to the matter.

In the mean time, I am still reinventing myself and I am so ever excited for what the future holds. I am a unicorn, I am a hybrid, and what I am cannot be boxed or bottled.

What Does De Transitioning Mean To Me?

From the moment we sailed out to advocate against dangerous blockers for Children, we have been asked if we were going to de transition? At the time it seemed like the right thing to do so we could provide a strong message, however, who was I kidding? After 12 years of being on hormones, my changes are permanent, I have no ovaries therefore I can't produce my own hormones and to shift gear on this body is only placing my own health in danger. I noticed fatigue, I was losing weight very rapidly, had no sex drive and was starting to feel very depressed.  I looked in the mirror and was not happy with what I was seeing. Don't get me wrong, Maritza is alive and well in me, I am her and will forever be. I will always stand up for my sisters and help fight their battle, I am woman, here me roar, yet I am also Mark and I can't erase neither one of them, nor do I want to. I have created who I am today, not taking away from anyone or anything. I refuse to wear the label Trans, since many in this community have been mocking me and hurting me for being a different voice. In spite of it all, I still have trans identifying friends who have stock with us, and we love them dearly. Just because we have a different view, doesn't mean we can't be friends.


We never meant to hurt anyone, yet the attacks and counter attacks were flaring at speed. Anger and hate solves nothing. We still believe strongly in our views, but choose to go about things a different way. We want to be happy and continue to love one another as we do, and can't focus on the haters. Any way, it is sad that there is little to no information on de transitioning, and we still want to bring focus on this to help those who can return to their old self. Knowledge is golden and how can we learn if we don't question ourselves?