Depression What Is it Exactly?

We can’t watch television without being subjected to a slew of antidepressant medications, one of the many prescription drugs being advertised by big pharma today. Do you think it is a coincidence that most everyone you know is either depressed, anxious or suicidal, and by the way, suicidal seems to be one of the side effects from most of the latest big pharma concoction?

Let’s break down what depression actually is and how it affects us.  Our brain is a network of neurons, brain cells, and dendrites which are a short branched extension of a nerve cell, along which impulses received from other cells at synapses (gaps) which are transmitted to the cell body to create brain function. This highway or railroads that connect throughout this big mass of matter requires an optimal environment for healthy function. If we are not providing the ultimate nutritional source and healthy environment, we can’t expect our brain to work ultimately, instead it will malfunction and an imbalance will set forth depressive, anxious and abnormal behavior.

Very little is still know about brain function, the science is still in its infancy, however, since the brain is connected to our bodies and our bodies are affected by our environment in many ways, we must conclude that when things are not in balance in our intake, lived experience and chemical interaction, we will see an array of problems showing itself in what psychiatry loves to label as mental illness. In my opinion, when someone has a mental illness, they are just out of balance, therefore, disease sets in.

Without going into a prescribed treatment plan, I will tell you this, that a healthy mind is accomplished first by admitting you have a problem, becoming aware of your out of balance behavior, then by analyzing your life and your intakes. No two people are alike, so this is a personal treatment plan that you have to prescribe and assess. You will need to observe your life as a spectator and find out what is not in alignment, what does not feel good, what is making you ill, what thoughts causes you pain, anxiety, and feelings of helplessness. If you know that there is no true solution for your feelings of helplessness and your wishes or wants are not attainable or normal, then you must reassess and tap into reality, for you will become further entrapped in the abyss and your depression will worsen, as seen with many in the trans community whom even after full transition, continue to experience feelings of helplessness, depression and even have suicidal ideation. Synthetic hormones will increase depression once your honeymoon stage high is over, the pendulum will swing viciously to the other side.

Depression is not that complicated really, and in my opinion, can be solved by natural means. If you are on medication, can you actually say that your depression has improved and are you free from side effects from this said medication, you need to assess your situation and research all the natural types of treatments out there.

Here is our Thursday Show, towards the end of our podcast we talk about some solutions to depression.

Gender Dysphoria Is Mental

I am amazed at how money influences the perception of what is right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy and finally how it has become mainstream when it was once considered a Jerry Springer sideshow. What a few years and a few dollars can do for a movement that was seen mostly in back street alleys, where trans women would pay to get silicone injections, in lonely bedrooms, where men dressed to impress in front of a mirror, and women would enter drag king shows to let her male side out for the night. Fast forward a few years and there is Bruce Jenner the deliverer of this perversion as he tells women how to be women, and accepting an award of sorts for letting his freak out, I find this alarming and repulsive, to say the least. What you do in the privacy of your bedroom is your business and frankly, God will tend to you, but when you push it blatantly in front of everyone, I say it's time to stop.  I also say, we are now seeing the most horrific form of human mental decline that has ever been known to mankind.

We are seeing a full out anarchy, rebellion, and a freak show of the largest proportion that has been known to man. People are self-identifying, going to seek help from these so called professionals who have no idea with what they are dealing with. They are creating this as they go along, listening to these broken individuals, (I use to be one of them) dictate what they feel they should be and how they should be treated. There are zero objective tools to diagnose or identify this problem. A once Drag Queen, a homophobic homosexual, a fetish autogynephilic man, a lesbian who can't deal with who she is, and a confused set of teens and youngsters who find this whole gender swap exciting and convenient for their situation, while nothing points to real issues or a set of objective findings that can properly pinpoint the problem are the leaders of this movement?  I can tell you this, and I feel strongly and have the authority to speak on this, unbeknownst to those who say I don't, there is no such thing as being trans,  gender dysphoria or any real distress involved with gender, only people with real mental issue that have jumped into a trans-pool which are now trying to tell people how to feel, think and  how to deal with them. 

So what qualifies me to speak and say what I am saying? Well let me give you the short of it, I lived it for 13 years, advocated for it, taught about it in classrooms, led seminars, interviewed hundreds, got interviewed, written books, articles, have done research, lived with and married trans "women", pretty much my life has been devoted to these issues of the LGBT nature. I was a lesbian for 25 years, and I lived 13 as a trans man, I would think I have a few things to say. Let us not forget that when I transitioned, there was hardly any concrete information on the topic, people would come to me since I have a medical background with a huge part of it being in psychology and human behavior. So yes, I am not just  qualified, I am over qualified, to say the least. I know more than gender specialist than an endocrinologist, who by the way have no clue what and how to prescribe cross-sex hormones, the WPATH which is led by trans people and big pharma are creating the rules, with "pulling things out their ass", as their main form of resource. So people need to be leery and realize that this storm that has pulled in from the shore, is basically made of horse manure. It holds no ground and has no real science. The born in the wrong body propaganda, the manipulative tool of I will kill myself if you don't give me what I want, and the recruited mad scientists that are working to make this a reality, are just fictional characters and factors utilized by the crazies who are pushing this for their benefit.

So why has this happened you say, well let's blame the media, who by the way is full of LGBT executives, producers, money launders, political head with their own agenda and frankly a bunch of fetish freaks who want nothing more  than to convert your children into a bunch of sexual rats for their pleasure. They want to sterilize, hurt and confuse the young even more than they are themselves. It's time to stand up and speak up. I will not stay silent, I don't care who calls me what, homophobe, transphobe, religious nut, who cares. I am a woman of God, who by the way, has not  always been, but after years of living this corrupt LGBT lifestyle which lead me to a dead end, I learned that only through living life as we should, do we find peace and true love. I don't want to hear "you can't tell me what to do, or not everyone is like you" or "it didn't work for you", because we are all made up of the same thing, molecules, atoms, and protons, we all bleed when we get cut, and we all return to dust. What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong, I don't care what color skin you have, what size jeans you wear, or what your IQ is, we all have to follow laws, and the LGBT perversion has had way too much air play and its time for the season to end. GLAAD and its neo-nazi mentality bullying everyone that does not subscribe to their gay brand needs to shut it and realize that the world is tired of this gay perverted agenda. 

Anything that promotes drug, promiscuity, altering or hurting your body, trying to recruit or alter children for the benefit of fetishistic adults, needs to be shut down. Gender dysphoria is a massive mental and spiritual imbalance that needs to be seen for what it is. Why have compassion for people who are behaving badly, trying to change the moral fabric of this world and frankly are just dead wrong? Bodies are not meant to be changed to fulfill a sexual fetish, to score straight men, or to play  gender games.  These people are warped are in need of real help. These computer geeks, sci-fi seekers, dreamers, vanity filled puppets, with old wounds that are coming out in all the wrong way, will not dictate to the world how it should be run. It is time to put an end to this and expose it for what it is, one sick ordeal. Gender dysphoria is mental, and those who are promoting or accepting it, are just as mental as the ones who believe in it.

I challenge the media, to let other voices speak, what are you afraid of, if you feel so strongly about your motto, live and let live, why not let those of us who have lived it, and have the T-shirt, hats and cups to prove it, speak out against it, after all is that not what News really is, not just a one-sided report? 

I am not God, and I am not here to judge you, you will have your judgment day, what I am is a truth seeker and truth teller, who wants to inform the world of what is taking place. I have the right to do so, just as you feel you have the right to alter yourself, but when you are pushing this as if it's normal, and perverting the young, it's time to scream out of the top of our lungs. NO MORE......

Till Next Time

Maritza Lopez

Self Acceptance

Having self doubts no matter what gender identity or sexual preferences you may have has become the norm of our existence.  No matter where you turn to you are being told that you could do or be better if you looked a certain way or buy this or that product. Plastic surgery has become the solution for the unhappy, and big pharma has a pill that will make you forget all of your problems. We live in a synthetic world, a world that has kicked the natural into the curb. Many are dying with cancer, a disease of an invasion of your soul. Cancer takes no prisoners, every cell of your body is consumed changed and turned against itself. The treatment is no better, radiation and chemo the destruction of the good and the bad in hopes to eradicate itself.  

We want so badly to belong, to be seen like the cool kid, beautiful, radiant, slim, a masterpiece of perfection, after all the boob tube tells you so. No wonder our kids are wanting to be someone else, adults can't deal with their world anymore, prozac and booze becomes the breakfast of champion in most house holds. Religion only sends us into a further spin by condemning our every move and inner feelings. Try to send a positive message to someone and they drag you in their dark world and shoot you without remorse.

I have found that self acceptance is the way to find true happiness, the more we try to fit into the protocol we are told we should be, the more it pushes us away from our center. Life is not easy, it is filled with contradictions, pain inflictions and over all sad undertones. The only one that can change that is you, switch the channel, turn it off, find your center, even if it means you need to find a hole to crawl in and meditate away your lack of outer control. You and only you have the key to your happiness and acceptance. 

I have a long road to travel but I know I am in the right path. Breath and exhale, take one baby step at a time and before you know it you will be there.

Love you all

Maritza

Unconditional Love

We use the world love often and unconsciously, throw it around without any true concept of what Love truly is.  We are taught from a very young age that we are loved if we do what we are told, even our own parents who brought us into this world fail to provide us the gift of unconditional love and that to me is a source of sadness beyond belief. This lack of unconditional love from our safe haven, creates the spiral of our life long relationship problems, including the relationship we have with ourself. 

We come into this world to build not only our bank accounts and ego, but to build our spiritual connection with our higher self and our fellow spirits. Every interaction we have here on earth is not a coincidence, but a carefully planned contract that allows us to work through the many challenges and working that are fortified to us here on planet earth.

When we judge others, we are merely reflecting on something inside of us we don't like. Our relationships are there to help us see inside of self, sort of a mirror image. If you look at your past relationships and notice that we continue to be faced with similar situations it is no coincidence that these relationships are a guide for our growth, till you work things out, you will continue to be presented with the same situations time and time again. I believe in twin flame connections, and I believe that many of us are fortunate enough to be provided the gift of finding our twin. I am thankful to have found mine and ever since, my evolution and growth has sky rocketed in incredible ways, this is how you know you are with your twin, when you are faced with growth and challenges beyond your imagination.  

Keep working on yourself and rid self of judgement and your life will change, you may even get to encounter your true other half. Life is exciting and can be an incredible teacher. Surrender to its lessons and navigate with an open heart and the world will be a kinder place. I have made many mistakes in my life time, but what I have learn from these mistakes is priceless, I would not change a single thing, even my transition, because my transition allowed me to meet my twin and now I am the happiest person alive, navigating the smooth seas with the sun shinning on my face and the world is my canvas, I will paint the images and pictures I wish to see, creating an ever flow of love, abundance, health and peace. I wish you all an amazing journey of learning and gratitude, give unconditional to yourself and others and that love will be fortified in return. Happy loving.....

                             2 months Testosterone Free 

      

                                                                                                                                              

For the past 13 years I have been playing a role  of a character I created. Mark Angelo Cummings as head strong as the name sounds,  it also embodied the full creation of a alpha man who I would have wanted to fall in love with, marry and that would help me heal the wounds created by the men in my life. I wanted to be what I wish most men could be, but somewhere down the line things got misconstrued and the man I was trying to create, slowly started to become like the ones I hated. I was self center, egotistical, narcissistic, unable to stay focus and in the end destroyed everything Maritza managed to create.

Although many may think of my narrative, as strange, considering myself as two individuals, my duality in my opinion is not a pathology but a self defense mechanism to help me deal and cope with all the challenges life presented me. Maritza wanted back after around the 5 year mark, but didn't know how to return.   She watched from a far while Mark continued to make a mess of things, acting like a demanding adolescent who believed the world revolved around him, no one else matter but "him". Playing with his new found male privilege, Mark wanted to change the world as Mark saw it, in the end hurting many that where unfortunate to cross his path. Now in all fairness, I can't say he was a complete monster, after all, Maritza still had a foot inside the abode, but kept silent as an observer, quietly shaking her head as she watched on horror. 

Fast forward many years, Maritza started to slowly take back her mind, but what still handicapped by the male hormone that did not allow her to completely take control of what was rightfully hers. Until finally with the change of events, Maritza was able to break free and now has finally returned. I feel more alive than ever, I feel I was able to learn more about men, life in general, than ever before. I feel blessed although lots of damage was done, I am now able to repair and heal while finally moving forward to the rest of my life.

It feels so good to be me again, leaving me, has helped me appreciate who I truly am. I have more respect for the trans community, which fight hard to fine themselves on a daily basis. Feeling alive is a wonderful feeling, I say here is to all of us who have been lost and lonely, may you find your truth in whatever form that may be.

It blows my mind how quickly the retransition is taking place leaving me to think did it ever happen

Dysphoria A Variety Of Feelings

So I learn to understand that not everyone in the trans community actually feels or encounters Dysphoria the same  way or with the actual intensity that some do.  I for one had very little dysphoria, and what I presumed was Dysphoria of my breast was actually caused by the boundaries I created from being sexually molested as a young child. I felt my breast was the center of my dysphoric feelings and what I felt when they were  touched was a dirty, feeling, therefore, I did not want them touched, I grew to hate them. I now have worked through that, a bit late I know, lol, but I often imagine how it would feel like if I had breast again. I would welcome them and not have the old relationship I had with them before. 

I look in the mirror now and I have so much work to do, the excess body hair and battle to rid of it, my face, the hardness, the facial hair battle and of coarse my male pattern baldness, all create a different type of dysphoria. I believe what I am experiencing now is what most trans folks experience but in reversal. This has now allowed me to have so much more compassion and understanding for my trans family, yes they are still my family, I grew to love, yet hate at the same time, just like an average dysfunctional families dynamics unfolds when dealing with issues they don't want to face.  We do most of our spiritual growth through our love ones, we face our biggest challenges through our interactions with them. So I want to thank the community for helping me grow and heal. We may not always agree but we can come to terms and learn to accept each others differences and respect our stance. 

I find I have more dysphoria now than before, and having a much harder time dealing with things or should I say finding patients. When I transitioned from female to male, the changes were quickly and strong. Now that I have all the male characteristics after 13 year of Testosterone and androgen use as a female body builder, the hardness of my face, voice and male characteristics are not as easy to reverse if at all. So believe me when I say, Trans sisters I feel your pain. 

I was cruel to not be understanding, but trust me when I say, I will try to do what I can to help the world understand your plight. I also want to help the adjacent communities find compassion in their hearts for the trans community, it is not a good place to be in harboring hate and resentment. Trans women are a different kind of women, some see themselves as much of a woman as we are. I want to help them feel at peace and at ease, I believe that if we unite and learn to understand one another, we can do great things as humans, and learn that we are more alike than we are different.  Waving a flag to make a political statement creates blood shed, lasting hurt that not only hurts the target, but hurts the one pulling the trigger of that hate gun. Remember being right is not always the solution, feeling peace and love is the way to freeing your soul.

Let us make 2016 the year of acceptance, a year that we can be proud of. We are women and I know we have been hurt through out history, but we can change that but not through politics or war, but instead through compassion and understanding. Remember many of you are mothers and will bring to this earth a child that one day may question his or her gender identity. Let us create a safe playground for our gender expression and well being.

Much Love

Ritz

Changes

It has been 2 months since I have been off Testosterone and I feel great. I am currently not on any hormones and allowing my body to do her own thing. I am confident that she will do right by me and I will be the picture of health and balance. I am happy emotionally, feeling good physically and today we have started another water fast. I believe fasting will expedite the healing process as will eating natural organic foods.

I wanted to discuss the changes I have seen thus far. First of all, my mind feels so much sharper as does my speech. I have always had a bit of a loss for words since transitioning, the research shows the a loss of grey matter takes place which affects our communication and now since being free of T for 2 months I feel more fluid and coherent. My facial and body hear are still coming in coarse and steady, not happy about that, and hoping that it will change with the passing months. I will be scheduling Laser when I move to Florida in a couple of months. 

My hair progress is coming along just fine and I have learn some really cool procedures that I will be using  to help it along. I was informed about a derma roller that is not only good for the skin but to stimulate hair follicles, here is a link Derma roller. 

Here is a comparison shot on the Left was the initial shot on Nov 15th on the right is on Jan 10th 2016. 

I am excited to see the many changes I will experience, already I see my face is softening up and that is with out estrogen of any kind since I don't have ovaries and I am not supplementing as of yet. I will play it by ear and see how it goes. If I take anything it will be natural, non synthetic.

As we lay in bed fasting and writing my blog, I can't help but wonder what is in store for the future. The challenges I still face with documentation changes, and learning to navigate my environment again after living life as a male identified person. I am optimistic and happy with lots of new found peace that radiates in every word I say and every thought I think. I am blessed to have a wonderful supporting spouse by my side who loves me for me, and that is whats important. My detransitioning has allowed me to have more compassion for the trans community and to be more empathetic with others. I know that many are not in accordance with the trans community for whatever reasons, but I have learned that everyone is entitled to live their lives. I do want to place emphasis on the importance to know if transitioning is right for you and not just to jump on the bandwagon because you think its the cooler thing to do. Do lots of soul searching, you don't want to do what I did and find out 13 years later that is was the wrong path. Note it was the wrong path for me, I am not saying it is the wrong path for everyone. I can only share my story and speak about me, and me alone.

Any way guys hope you are having a relaxing Sunday, I know Lynna and I are, chilling and fasting, reaching ultimate levels of healing and continuing to do much soul searching.

Lots of Love

Ritz

Realizations

Coming to terms with self is an amazing experience and not to mention very healing. I have been judged by many in all camps of the LGBT community as well as outside of it. I have done plenty of judging myself, therefore, I am just as much to blame for feeding into that paradigm. 

I want to start a new, focusing on solutions and not just pointing out the problems. In saying that, I  believe we are all hurting one way or the other, wherever we are in life. I believe that there are no coincidences and my path has not been in vein. I have grown and learn many things during my transition, and now I will put in use all of the lessons mastered into affect.

I am a wonderful human being and I will not be harsh on self or others but instead be of service for those that need it. I am at peace with my decisions and journey. I reached out to my gender therapist that I went to in 2003, I had four sessions and after she provided me with the letter, I never returned nor did she request follow up. I have forgiven myself as well as her for not really providing me with real solutions, in my opinion, 4 sessions were not enough and more were needed for better self discovery. I hope that I can raise awareness in her new practice with 20 other therapist working under her. I hope they are not so quick to hand out trans tickets to our youth and those of us who are gender variant and not fully trans. In the past I was angry and wanted everyone to fit into my regret box, but now I know that this is about me, and me alone. I want people to question their decisions, to make sure that transition is their solution. I want society to have more acceptance of gender variance, so that we don't feel the need to conform to strict gender boxes. 

I am so grateful for my epiphany, for through this I know I will be fine and heal. I hope others can also find their peace whatever form that will be. 

Let us unite, not fight, instead of pointing out problems, let us find solutions, kinder remedies, and an over all space for communication, so that we can once and for all see each other for who we are.

Love you all

Ritz

Love Is The Key To Healing

In the past I have allowed my emotions to get the better of me, being more reactive and not really thinking things through. If someone attacked me, I felt the urge to attack back. But since my vacation in Florida and hanging out with my sister and her lover who are really working with spiritual tools to help heal the soul, I have had a change of heart on what my approach will be from now in my advocacy. I will no longer find problems but instead focus on solutions coming from the heart and not mind based. I will no longer attack communities because they are no aligned with what I think is right. 

I will work to help heal people and share my journey as a tool for healing and not destruction. I now know that my approach was wrong and that I have no one to battle with, I am here to grow and evolve as a spirit being having a human experience. I apologize to all that I have hurt in the past with my words and strict dogma on how transitioning should or should not be. I will continue to educate providing information for those who need it, but I will not judge or use harsh words. I hope the new years brings everyone peace of mind and heart. I wish everyone on whatever journey you are on, pure love and tranquility, may you find that peace you seek. I will lead by example, and hope we can all one day make peace and not war.

It has been a real snowy couple of days, lots of time to reflect on my two weeks vacation, we are looking forward to moving to Florida and looking forward to being a beacon of love and light for those who wish to hear our message.

Love to all

Ritz

Wrong Body Or Mind?

The whole transgender concept when delving into its deep roots and etiology,  points out to a human psyche issue, based on childhood traumas, neurological impairments and over all lack of self acceptance stemming from religious upbringing or any environment that did not foster self worth and individuality.  It does not take a rocket scientist to break down the factors that created this phenomenon where grown men and women decide that they can change their gender like they change a pair of underwear. Individuality and self expression is not to be mistaken with wrong bodies, its more like societies attempt to normalize individuality by making people conform into a gender box.

When we hear account after account, the narratives all seem the same with a few added or missing factors. But what all these individuals, to include myself, have in common is self hate and lack of self acceptance, creating the illusion that they can swap their sex because they felt different during their younger years, and are not happy with the body they were given. There is nothing wrong with their bodies or genitals, but everything wrong with their thought process and realities.  They lack the capability to understand reality and live their lives emulating a temper tantrum child when they don't hear what they want to hear, or are not allowed to pursue their wishes.

Their lives are based on fun filled adventures, attempting to copy the gender they feel they are, but in the end fail miserably because they are not equipped with the tools needed to be that gender, only creating a character at best, cherry picking the characteristics of the gender they are trying to emulate. They are lacking self awareness and making everyone their target, blaming their lives on others without being able to take responsibility.

What the trans community need is to face the truth, to own their mistakes and issues, to realize that the sex they were given at birth was not an assigned sex, but a sex that they are, the sooner they accept truth and reality, the quicker they will learn and be able to live life in happiness, expressing freely without the needed validation from the world.  This is the secret to my awakening and making peace with who I am. Once I stopped fighting the world, the struggles ended, and I am now able to be free to be me.

Stopping T Improves Health

http://www.eulogia.org/the-dangers-of-testosterone-therapy/

Two of the many side affects that I noticed with T, was an increase in heart rate and blood pressure, two of the most damaging results that can lead to stroke, heart attacks and death. Since stopping T, my usual pulse of 98-102, placing tremendous strain on my heart, has now dropped to 84 with only 4 weeks off T. My Blood pressure which I have kept under control while on T by using Hawthorn Berries supplementation, ranged from  124/92- 128/89, and now its 103 /73 a remarkable drop in such a short period of time. If I would have continued to be on T, I would surely have died from a stroke or massive heart attack, the strain I placed on my heart was enormous and all for what?

Now if we break down the many dangerous effects that cross sex hormones have on trans individuals, it makes sense not to take them. First of all if your body was meant to have synthetic hormones from your opposite sex, you would have been born the gender you so desperately want to be. Instead you are "forced" to take a substance that is not meant for your body or receptors, according to your chromosomes and DNA, this only creates health issues that are clearly noted, such as increase in heart disease, cancer, blood clots that lead to stroke and heart attacks, liver and kidney damage, brain damage and more. Why put your body in danger in attempts to alter your gender, while your sex remains the same?

Could you not as easy live life expressing as you wish without having to cater to societies needs of gender boxing? Do you not care enough about yourself and health to forgo such crazy practices? Are you that superficial that you base your life on looks and presentation based on a system that creates these situations to profit from? I know I fell for the trap and only wish I could turn back time, but since I can't the only sane thing for me to do is help others understand that there are other ways of living your truth. You need to start by loving yourself unconditionally, stop obsessing over the physical and work on the inner you, the one that really needs all of your attention.

I plan to not take any hormones at all, although I have no ovaries to produce my natural dose of estrogen, I will simply continue my healthy lifestyle of eating plant based products, drinking lots of water, exercising and meditating. I hope to be an inspiration to many young women who are being sold the lie, that their bodies are imperfect and that they need to be someone they are not. Till next time....

Facing Truth

One of the things that frustrates me the most about this community is the lack of self awareness and ability to reason with truth. I can understand not liking the body you were giving, the gender you were pronounced at birth, but just because you don’t like it or want it, does not give you the right to negate it. You can alter yourself all you want, heck pay a doctor enough and he will attach horns on your head and you can call yourself the devil if you like, but please, please, have some sort of reality check and realize that you are not the opposite gender you were born as, no matter what procedure you get.

I believe many of these individuals really believe in their minds and hearts that they are the opposite gender they were born as, and the actual medical "professionals" who are enabling these individuals are not helping them in the least.  In fact, they are creating monsters, instead of placing a sense of reality on these folks.  The notion is that they can be who they want to be and dare anyone question or challenge their beliefs, and here is where the pathology begins. Its not that you like to wear dresses, make up and heels if you were born a man, its the notion that you can change your sex and expect everyone to bow down to your wishes and fantasies. Shaming real women, forcing men to date them and visa versa. 

The lack of self awareness is where the danger stems and in the end when the walls come crashing down, these individuals end up committing suicide, and or living a life of deep depression even after all they did. No procedure can ever change your biology, nothing that you can do will ever make you a real boy or girl, you are the sex you were born as and the sooner you accept this, the happier you will be.

Detransition progress is going well, I am feeling more and more at peace with me, and can't ever believe I allowed myself to think I could change my gender or be happy with the change. The consciousness always prevails and we can't escape our inner voice, not for long anyways. In fact, I am excited to see what lies ahead, and to be able to be a beacon a light for others who have also fallen prey for th trans agenda, letting them know that they can be themselves without hurting their bodies, their love ones and their future, because there is no future in this endeavor, it only brings destruction, unless you are one of the lucky ones who has been chosen to be a soldier for the cause. The ones they are using now to lure everyone in, promising them fame and fortune, and all the attention money can buy, but this fame and fortune will not last forever, for once they achieve what they want, they will drop you like a lead balloon.  

Let's stand up for what really counts, allowing our future gender variant kids, teens and adults to be happy with their bodies and life, let us teach acceptance, let us change the way society looks at gender norms and make this world a safer place for us all, instead of promoting the medicalization of gender and quick fix that will lead to a quicker death. Till next time...

The Masks We Create

Remove the veil, remove the face, the usual narratives we all face, it is nothing more than a cry for help, creating a character that comes from hell, it has to be, when you look back and see the pain you have caused and all you took in the quest of your "happiness". Get defensive all you want, it is about time someone stood up to you and your cause. The go fund me accounts, the telling everyone to respect your pronouns and your plight, well what about the real world, doest that not count? You live in fantasy, every move you make is consumed by the creation in your mind, that you are trying to bring to life.  Fix yourself, really fix it, not just bandaid it with hormones and surgeries, you are in need of a revelation to stop the lies and your frustrations of wanting to fit in to a world that associates our kind as deplorable and unacceptable. 

Be wise, be real, accept the you that you were born as, doesn't mean you have to kiss ass, or be something you are not, but don't think for one moment that you will be able to alter your gender, it is all a fable, a big fat lie, one that you may get away with during the coarse of time, but there will come a day when your conscious will give you away.  Wait for it, I guarantee you, that your quest for this stunt is like Evil Knievel, but even he fell down and broke many bones, and eventually had to stop the show. 

You want to be brave, then step forward, and throw it all away, all the stereotypes you are trying to play. Stop feeding the system that is corrupting our world, our bodies and souls. You created this character to save you from your past, the ridicules you faced, all your insecurities and lack of say, it helped you talk and feel more confident, but of coarse it did, you now are on stage with a different number and name, no longer being criticized by the audience you face. They can't hurt you, cause the mask you have on your face, hides the true you that you hated each and every day.  The new you is more fabulous, wears fun clothes, sports new muscle, you feel invincible and strong, prettier than ever, more attention from the admirers who are as hurt as you, you feed each other without a clue. Time to wake up from the act, being you is the best thing to do in fact, give the real you a chance, now that you have tools to advance, it wasn't all bad, he/she taught you a lot, make it last. Teach the world what bravery is, and help the rest of the lost souls come back.  

Stop The Madness Please

I spent a lot of time having to put out fires, explaining things to people and trying to express my core beliefs and views. First of all I want to say, I don't want any harm to come to anyone in the trans community, nor do I want any rights taken away, and especially not have their medical access removed. What I do want is people to wake up and realize the truth. Yes the truth, not my truth but the universal truth that says we are not a mistake, our bodies are not wrong, our brains are not gendered, in fact here is the latest study that proves that we all have bits and pieces of male and female components in our brains, not one gendered glob of delusion. http://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-no-male-female-brain-20151130-story.html

People are born with all sorts of different corks and differences, some men love to wear dresses, some more than others. Some men were de-masculinized while growing up and are dealing with all sorts of skeletons in their closet. It's hard I know, it sucks, but the reality is everyone has issues and problems they are dealing with and the world is not making concessions for them, they just live. I truly believe that the real issues here are childhood traumas that are showing their ugly heads as gender dysphoria, it feel nice to run away and be another person, or should I say gender. Yeah its great to start life over and leave everything and everyone behind, kind of like a witness protection program when they change your identity and move you away to a new place never to be found, but unfortunately we can't run from our true sex, no way, uh uh.. 

Whether you were told to man up, or act like a lady when growing up because you didn't fit into the gender box you were born in, doesn't give you the free range to switch your gender, even the doc who operated you knows he only performed a cosmetic procedure that really doesn't function as the sex organ you wished to have. 

People need to start facing their challenges, be truthful and stop living a lie, this community has gotten so bizarre that they are actually believing their BS.

The time to come to grips with this disorder is now before we literally turn the earth upside down. There are no objective findings to believe the trans plight of being born in the wrong body is true only subjective feelings from a person. Harry Benjamin created this night mare by allowing a few to have SRS, because he felt sorry for them, and could not change the way they thought, these individuals where actually intersex who rightfully had a plight, but trans folks are just confused individuals who need help yes, but not the kind they are getting. 

I know I am harsh in what I say, but I know that happiness does to come by changing gender, it gives you a bit of relief, because what is actually happening is, for the first time in your life you are being allowed to express your other side, to play, wear dresses, see your creation in the mirror, but once the fun ends, reality kicks in and you have to clean up one hell of a mess. Till next time...

check this out : http://frontier-heart.tumblr.com/search/trans+women+are+bio+female

The Mountain Climb

13 years of living in a body I created, a persona that was brought to life by me is now being demolished, thankfully due to self awareness and growth. My life the past 13 years has had a lot of ups and downs, good days and bad and overall quite the theatrical production. I have advocated, educated, married, fallen in and out of love, gain weight, loss weight, bought and sold houses, traveled, hurt, been hurt, cried, laughed, fallen in and out of depression, felt the need to commit suicide (not ever because of gender dysphoria, but having the tendencies due to the neurological impairment I face), wanted to live and so on. There has not been one single emotion I have not felt through out these 13 years living as your typical alpha male who was given a successful business by the true me, Maritza, but managed to give it away and lost it all.

What I am trying to get here is that gender dysphoria is not the basis for our problems and it is actually a false notion that many of us who are dealing with so many deeper issues are holding on to.  After these 13 years of not only living as a trans man, but living with and dealing with hundred of individuals in this community, I can safely say, we have a neurological issue based on childhood trauma and events, that carved our neurological system to function inappropriately and making us think we were born in the "wrong body". Honestly, if you are a trans person do some soul searching, look back at your childhood and see what you had to face. Many say everything was due to being born in the wrong body and being ridiculed, I say it was the lack of acceptance of self and lack of strength for not allowing yourself to be who you are, and instead created the character that allowed you to run away. The boy that imagined he was a girl, the girl that imagine she was a boy, it was cooler to live that fantasy, the typical personality disorder scenario.

Our brain has lots of plasticity and it creates all of its paradigms, fears, addictions, and mental health problems based on our environment, altering its DNA, healthy tissue production and normal synapses. We have become diseased by our environment which has changed our normal thinking patterns and behavior. We need to heal, not alter our bodies or take on dangerous hormones, we need to address our childhood issues and learn to recreate a safer world to live in. It is up to us, enough of blaming everyone else around us. Our parents did the best they could with the knowledge they had. I think that there should be classes provided for future parents on how to raise children, religion needs to calm down and stop shoving their dogma down people's throats and be kinder with their message. I believe that if we nip this problem in the bud early on, there will not be anymore of this crazy transgenderism in our planet, and people will learn to be healthy normal adults.

I really want to bring awareness to our human condition and diseases, we learn as we go along and can really help one another. I want people to realize that they don't need to hurt themselves to be happy, on the contrary the more you do the unhappier you will be. Learn to find your inner truth, work on that, and leave your outside self alone, it is only an illusion that you are creating which will fall down like a house of cards.

Shedding The Layers

I figured out why so many get so irate with me and confrontational with my writings and TV Shows, well not everyone, but those in the trans community who are still in their infant stage and self loathing mode;  I touch a certain chord and wounds deep inside of them, I am definitely doing my job. I plan to make people think and think really hard on what they are doing or have done. I want people to question their actions and validity, every step of the way. There are too many people who go on this transgender train ride who have no business riding it. 

By now I have revealed my eating disorder, my self esteem issues,  gender confusion and child traumas, all of which are the typical issues faced with trans individuals. Until you come clean, and accept your flaws, you can't heal. You will continue in search of this utopia which does not exist, and will continue to hurt yourself and others until you have nothing else to give. You will continue to feel dysphoric, no matter what you do, but the difference is now you have greater problems to deal with. So why not save yourself the hassle and aggravation, and just work through the underlying issues and learn to love and accept yourself as you are. The key  here is lack of self love, we blame our gender, but gender has nothing to do with it. 

Shed all the layers one by one, find out what is the cause of  your pain, and no, its not your gender, in fact gender is the least of your problems. I want to add that I am grateful I underwent this journey because what it has done is, it has allowed me to see the true me, and it has taught me to appreciate the woman I have always been. You can say BS all you want, and you tell yourself, you were never a woman, but the facts are, that you are the gender you were pronounced at birth. You may not act as the typical girl or boy, but that doesn't mean you are not the sex you were born as. We need to learn to accept ourselves and not worry about what others think or say. 

Society is creating this outpour of transgender individuals and are harming our youth by saying we can't accept your differences, so fix it. That is wrong on all levels, and we are in the making of a major catastrophe.  People should be allowed to express as they feel inside and dress as they feel outwardly. No one should have to repress their needs but this whole medicalization and fixing of the biological sex is ludicrous. It does not work, it is a temporary fix that in the end will blow itself out of the water. 

Here is an update on my fast: Day 3, going strong, thinking about doing 7 days but will play it by ear. My health is good, feeling hungry still, the digestive system shuts down after today, so the hunger should go away. I had an enema and good meditation session. I feel at peace and balanced. I hoping to detox the T out of the body or at least get a head start.  I am excited to see the changes in me and to start to recognize my old self. I have such a new found love for myself and the knowledge I have gathered during these past 13 years have been amazing.  More about that on my next blog, till next time.....

The Loses

Opening my eyes after the aftermath is pretty difficult to say the least. The voices of I told you so come to mind, the pictures in my mind from all the events that lead to the big decision and reactions of those around me, "I am transitioning", "I was born in the wrong body" words that I pounded on those I love.

I see now how crazy it was, I see myself in the faces of the youth, I was so sure of my decision and so on board with the trans narrative that is devastating the lives of many. What is actually wrong with us, what would possess us to do such atrocities and justify them as right? What will it take to make people wake up from this nightmare they claim to be a life saver and dream?  The claims that people are happier, in a better mental place than ever before is only based on the sugar pill approach, for it is so apparent that after the novelty wears off, there issues are still there and the need for more is evident. Surgery after surgery, irresponsible behavior after behavior, the lack of self esteem returns, why are people not being truthful?

The denial that no matter what they do to themselves they will never achieve the ultimate goal of being the opposite sex. They are being lied to and lead by a system that only cares about profit, telling a male bodied individual that they can look like a woman. Unless you are born with androgynous features, small boned, small hands and feet and facial features that will provide you with that feminine look, no matter what you do, you will always be clocked, those are just the facts.

Realize that if your happiness depends on the validation of others, you will never be happy. If your life is based on looks, then you will be heading on a very disappointing ride. You are aging, the aging of a man cannot be hidden with cosmetics or hormones, you will at best look like a freak, just look at the older trans role models and see what they look like. Lynn Conway, Rene Richards, Sylvia Rivera, Lana Lawless and many more who have not grown old gracefully nor healthily due to the lifestyle, stress from surgical procedures and lets us not forget synthetic hormones.  This agenda is based on sex and looks, on fetishes and self gratification wrapped in one big ball of mental issues that everyone is missing. Men cannot be women, science has fortified you an illusion that will come tubmling down as you grow older and all the complications that come with this madness. 

The selling point of this agenda is what about the suicide rates? Well what about them, suicide is a mental condition that needs to be taken care of, people don't always get what they want. When people claim to want to take their life because they can't get what they want, that is just wrong and plainly narcissistic. There are too many loses in this endeavor and those responsible for allowing humans to undergo this, should be held accountable. Let us return to our sanity for the trans agenda is full of loses and pain that never, ever goes away.