Showing posts with label anguish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anguish. Show all posts

Monday, November 30, 2015

The Loses



Opening my eyes after the aftermath is pretty difficult to say the least. The voices of I told you so come to mind, the pictures in my mind from all the events that lead to the big decision and reactions of those around me, "I am transitioning", "I was born in the wrong body" words that I pounded on those I love.

I see now how crazy it was, I see myself in the faces of the youth, I was so sure of my decision and so on board with the trans narrative that is devastating the lives of many. What is actually wrong with us, what would possess us to do such atrocities and justify them as right? What will it take to make people wake up from this nightmare they claim to be a life saver and dream?  The claims that people are happier, in a better mental place than ever before is only based on the sugar pill approach, for it is so apparent that after the novelty wears off, there issues are still there and the need for more is evident. Surgery after surgery, irresponsible behavior after behavior, the lack of self esteem returns, why are people not being truthful?

The denial that no matter what they do to themselves they will never achieve the ultimate goal of being the opposite sex. They are being lied to and lead by a system that only cares about profit, telling a male bodied individual that they can look like a woman. Unless you are born with androgynous features, small boned, small hands and feet and facial features that will provide you with that feminine look, no matter what you do, you will always be clocked, those are just the facts.

Realize that if your happiness depends on the validation of others, you will never be happy. If your life is based on looks, then you will be heading on a very disappointing ride. You are aging, the aging of a man cannot be hidden with cosmetics or hormones, you will at best look like a freak, just look at the older trans role models and see what they look like. Lynn Conway, Rene Richards, Sylvia Rivera, Lana Lawless and many more who have not grown old gracefully nor healthily due to the lifestyle, stress from surgical procedures and lets us not forget synthetic hormones.  This agenda is based on sex and looks, on fetishes and self gratification wrapped in one big ball of mental issues that everyone is missing. Men cannot be women, science has fortified you an illusion that will come tubmling down as you grow older and all the complications that come with this madness. 






The selling point of this agenda is what about the suicide rates? Well what about them, suicide is a mental condition that needs to be taken care of, people don't always get what they want. When people claim to want to take their life because they can't get what they want, that is just wrong and plainly narcissistic. There are too many loses in this endeavor and those responsible for allowing humans to undergo this, should be held accountable. Let us return to our sanity for the trans agenda is full of loses and pain that never, ever goes away.



Sunday, November 29, 2015

Living Life After Detransitioning :The Early Stages


At Work as an Occupational Therapist 1996

It has been two weeks since I have fully detransitioned and feel, well, fantastic. I am fully embracing my truth, and disregarding the untruth that lead my life for the past 13 years. There are lots of logistics to work through, like changing all my documents and return to my rightful birth name Maritza, but all in due time. Right now I am focusing on cleaning out every testosterone traces from my body. I will need laser or electrolysis for my face and body and I will also be needing a hair transplant to regain my beautiful hair back. How long this will this take? I don't know, but those are goals that I have set up for myself. I feel strong and even more empowered than I have ever before. I feel healthy as of now, but it has only been a few weeks since I am hormone free. I have no ovaries so I might need estrogen, but I will play that by ear and see how my body responds, after all there are many women who at my age (51) and who do not take any HRT at all, do just fine.

I am going to recreate myself, and feel free in my body and mind. Not being what everyone else wants me to be. If I would have followed that formula before, I would not have gotten myself into this mess in the first place.  Feeling free with being me is of the most importance as well as my health. I find that being on hormones is like playing Russian Roulette, it is only a matter of time when that bullet is in the chamber and goes right through your head. So, from now on I will fight for authenticity and truth. Helping people realize what being true really is, not some made up version of who they think they should be.


Live life to the fullest, be kind to everyone around you, don't keep any secrets, take good care of yourselves and most of all, Love, love unconditionally and that means yourself as you are.

2 weeks Detransition






Thursday, November 26, 2015

The Pain: A Day Of Giving Thanks




Having been around, dated and lived with many transgender females in the past, it has provided me a with information that many are not privy to. Many of these so called Male to Trans are dealing with deep rooted issues that stem from lack of self worth, anger and frustration. They failed as men, fathers, husbands and in many other aspects of life. They had poor to no relationships with their fathers, some never got to meet them, and  now feel as if they cannot fulfill the role of manhood in life since they never were taught how.

The "dream" of being a woman is deep for many, its as if they wish they could run away from reality and their responsibility while "becoming" the other sex, thinking this will solve all their problems, but in reality, the problems only worsens and now they have to face the catastrophe they created and left behind.  The same pattern is seen in Female to Trans, with of coarse changing the roles and gender.

There is lots of pain in this community, pain that is not being addressed properly, instead some pseudo treatment that only creates bigger issues and enhances the problems in the end. On a day like today, there are many hurt trans identified individuals who miss being home with their families and friends, and may even be feeling regret. They are in so much pain they can't even appreciate who and what they have around them. So my question is, was it worth it? Changing your gender marker can lead to bigger problems you ever anticipated, please think it through, because not only are you hurting yourself, you are also creating a title wave of hurt with every move you make.

I want to take this time to wish everyone a peaceful, love filled Day of Thanks, remember how many died for you to sit with your family today, how many gave up their land and home.  Let us be grateful for what and who we have in our lives today, cause tomorrow, you never know what brings.