I remember having had problems from a very young age due to the excess amount of estrogen my body produced. My periods were erratic and painful, my moods and anxiety too much for a young body to handle. I hated everything about what this hormone stood for. It made me sick with many ailments from asthma, to hives, not to mention crippling heart palpitations and bone pain. I was a mess.
The latest supplementation I have been on DHEA and fenugreek have not agreed with me, I find to have had massive anxiety and with lots of heart flutters and an increased pulse and blood pressure. I have had to stop urine therapy since it is not recommended when taking any supplementation that alters your hormones. I find that these supplements increase my adrenal production of estradiol which my body does not like. I am going to stop and wait till my Suma root arrives and see how that goes.
Anxiety is no fun especially when it makes you sick and makes your heart feel like it will bust out of your chest. I believe the fenugreek is the culprit, once my body settles I may go back on DHEA but only take it 2 to 3 times a week. We are one giant chemistry set, and learning what works for us is important.
On another note it snowed here in Silver City and its been very cold not a great thing for an Islander, I like the change in season but prefer the warmth. Thankfully we have a great heating system and it’s all-inclusive in our rent.
On a happier note, Lynna and I had an amazing weekend went shopping for some kitchen toys to grind our own coffee beans and flaxseeds and purchased a French press coffee maker to make some awesome organic coffee.
We ordered a water purification system and continue on our health quest. Years of polluting our bodies with toxins both mental and physical require lots of purifying.
I know I will find the right mix for our bodies to lead a healthy life and to grow old gracefully.
Okay, I believe that it is important to allow society to express their views on certain topics and they should have the right to accept or decline certain views, lifestyles, and identities. Although no one should be cruel, hateful, or harmful to anyone, the more a group pushes and forces others to accept them, the more push back and decline they are going to receive.
It is one thing to want to express on the outside on how you feel on the inside, however, it's another to force everyone to validate your identity and expect others to see you as the gender you feel and wish to be. I am guilty of this, for I too wanted to force everyone to see me as the "man" I thought I was, clearly 15 years later and attempting to live the lie, today I can strongly say, that I was misled by a narrative that is false and dangerous. I am a woman, have always been and will always be. I find it quite amusing that most trans individuals really fall for the lie and think they are the gender they transition to. This is where I find a massive problem with, that the trans narrative and the professionals that work with these individuals tell them a lie, and are being deceitful about the whole process. No man can ever be a woman, nor a woman a man, that is just biologically impossible, and frankly very irresponsible to tell someone they can.
Take a look at this video, the trans advocates made quite the fuss regarding the normal reaction to be had when someone gets deceived by a man, pretending to be a woman. Mind you there was no violence involved, and violence should never be condoned, by a normal visceral reaction cannot be contained. For those of you who watched The Crying Game, in the movie when the character of the film finds out that the "woman" he fell for was actually a man, he basically had the same reaction you will see on this video.
I wanted to add, I have been having a discussion on one of a well-known porn star who is a transman called Buck Angel. On his page, he showed discontent when one of his co-workers in the business, Jenna Jameson, was not too happy with the latest Playboy front cover person and had a few things to say about it. I chimed in and expressed my opinion that people are entitled to not accept the trans narrative, and as much as trans people want acceptance and compassion, they need to learn to give it back in return. Needless to say, I was not very popular with the trans crowd and they, of course, had a few things to say to me. I went digging and found exactly what I have been saying regarding the reason most people transition, in one of a particular trans person's FB page, who claims transition has saved their life and they are better off for it today. I claim BS, that no one is better off, and the only reason they do what they do is to run away from the shame they lived before. Usually the person identifies as a lesbian before transition, although they do not admit it, and the need for power is very evident in trans "men", trans women transition for validation, to run away from the responsibility of being a man, they do a Houdini, an escape act, and many well, in my opinion, see this as one big game and fetishistic behavior. Although, lots of trans people are dealing with childhood traumas, to include, lack of acceptance for how they present, their personality basically, and since now this has become a thing, well people are being forced into a reparative or corrective therapy in the worse way. Gay is not acceptable for many families especially in the religious sector, so "changing" gender becomes the thing to do.
I don't care how many of them tell me I am wrong, the patterns are so evident and as much as they think that their story is different, there is basically a few patterns of the same behavior. Sexual molestation, trauma during childhood, a very effeminate man, or a very butchy female, they see the transition as the greatest tool for escape, an alter ego is developed and the rest is history. After years of transition, the person starts to hear their inner voice that whispers, imposter, and the battle begins. We are going to see massive regrets taking place and I hope the WPATH has a plan to deal with it all, and the numbers of lawsuits that will be rolling in will be colossal.
Anyways, I long for the day, that we can freely express our personalities without saying we are born wrong. I wish to see empowered masculine females unlike what I did, be proud of who they are and have society accept that there are many types of females. I pray that men who are sensitive and outside of the masculine box, learn to feel free to express themselves without thinking they should be a woman. This makes more sense to me than to lead the wounded to slaughter with this crazy and I mean crazy trans agenda.
One of the few things we as humans have is our word, living in truth and being kind, everything else revolves around ego and destruction. People are being born into a world filled with lies, self-centeredness, and corruption. How did we go from one extreme to the other I ask? Well, I have a few theories on this, and let me tell you it is not pretty.
The world of technology, materialism and look at me mentality, has created this crazy breed we call the human race. We have managed to destroy what our ancestors built in a very short amount of time. You think we are all so advanced and have made such great strides, but on the contrary, we are devolving and quickly I may add. Religion serves to create fear, divide, and raise funds for the heads of the organizations of the oh so profitable churches, frankly, God has not received any of the profits, nor is she/he interested in our man made so called progress and corruptions.
Politics is as corrupt as the times of Cesar and Constantine and our leaders are getting more and more bizarre as time passes by. The medical system which at one point made house calls and had fewer than a few prescription drugs at hand is now one big Pharma fest, and let's not forget snip, tuck and kill. Yes, we have industries now that instead of forging forward for our betterment, are creating more and more problems for our human race, and we are letting them destroy us and our planet.
I want to go back to the year 2003 when I learned of this new Cult called Transsexuals. I had identified as a lesbian woman since I was 13 years of age but in the summer of 2003, I learned that I could become a "man" and no longer be considered what I had been taught to feel shame about anymore. I could change my life and become a "man", according to the so called professionals and what we now see as an epidemic at a rise.
There were no true objective testing or findings being administered, but I had learned what others said online when they went to these so called gender specialists, and I surely looked the part since I had been bodybuilding and dabbled in body enhancement chemicals, so I knew I would pass with flying colors and would be given the letter that would change my life. I was on my continual road of destruction, nothing had changed except, I now obsessed with my body and would stop at nothing to get the look I so desperately wanted. Having been overweight most of my life, hated what I looked like and of course my breast from being molested as a child, the whole narrative of Gender Dysphoria surely had my name written all over it. I see now how criminal this whole concept of being born wrong is, and frankly, there are no objective findings or true clinical studies that can back this up, we are just a bunch of narcissistically obsessed, self-loathing, traumatized souls who are not being given the proper help we really need.
We have been given the license to destroy ourselves and others without any second thoughts about it. The Trans agenda has run with this ball and has created their narratives as they see fit, and are pushing their agenda on everyone without thinking about the ramifications of their choices. These are people who dislike their lives and are bored, want more out of life and have sexualized their fantasies beyond measure and are changing the world as we know it, and not for the better. The fantasy of being someone else, of creating a character that becomes the center of their life and universe while seeking attention and validation from others, as well as taking lots of prisoners along the way and not taking no for an answer, is ladies and gentleman transgenderism in a nutshell. Don't be fooled with the victim mentality, we are good at seeking sympathy from others and making up all sorts of scenarios to get our way, it's our defense mechanism, our way of dealing with the hurt, our damaged neurological system, and our poor self-esteems.
To this day, I still don't understand what would possess a person to do what we do, ranging from self-harm to alienating everything and everyone around us, and for those who get lucky and manage to keep friends and family, you were good at manipulating those you love, using a rather intelligible technique or threats of suicides to gain your validation. Realize I feel bad for everyone involved, to include the parasite that has taken over the host, who at some point was an organism who was lonely and looking to inhabit a bigger world.
I can only hope that people will wake up from this nightmare, and realize what they have allowed to take place, I hope that no more gender clinics open up and that more are shut down, after the countless law-suits rain in. I also hope that transitioners get a grip on reality, and realizing that there is more to life than gender and that the loss out weight the gains. I hope that more people step up, to tell the truth, and that they stop using children as their shield. I hope that people start seeing the truth behind this transgender phenomenon for what it really is. The two distinct types and motivation, that the research has clearly shown, and although many trans women have fought long and hard to hide the truth, the research and science prove otherwise. So our two groups are homosexual males who are so feminine that they are unable to live successfully as men and do better as women; and, on the other hand, heterosexual males who are erotically stimulated by the idea of themselves as women. Blanchard called the first group HomoSexual TransSexual or HSTS and the second Autogynephilic Transsexual or AGP.
The distinction between these two groups has never been scientifically challenged; indeed, recent papers by Rametti et al, Savic and Arver and Guillamonstrongly support it. There are two groups and Blanchard correctly identified them. Most Transgender born male in the West are Autogynephilic. There are a number of reasons for this, all cultural. Residual homophobia is the main one, especially that of the ‘gay’ male community. This ruthlessly policies ‘gay’ men and condemns any expression of femininity. according to Charis O. Fleming. Here is an interesting video, among many where he discusses in detail this phenomenon.
You will never get most trans individuals to come clean or admit to being an autogynephilic, due to the stigma and their religious upbringing, but when closely studied and analyzed the signs are all there as it the research. Frankly, I would like to see people work through their pain, instead of creating these victim scenarios and pushing their sexualization on everyone else. I believe that the truth will set us free, and will help us heal and create a better tomorrow. If we continue the lies, the deceit and the continual medicalization of this condition, we will be destroying many lives. We need to put a stop to this while we still can. We need to properly handle this condition that I believe is based on childhood traumas and parasitic infestations. And although this may sound sci-fi to most, I can't think of anything else that can lead a human being to do what they do to themselves and others. Toxoplasma gondii might be the most famous brain-controlling parasite of all. It's a single-celled organism that can infect almost any warm-blooded animal, to include Humans. But where it gets unsettling is the possibility that the parasite, which is hugely common in humans, affects our behavior too. "There are lots of studies finding correlations between [human] infection and behavior," says Weinersmith. "There was also a study that found a correlation between country-wide neuroticism scores and the percentage of the population infected by Toxo, suggesting that the parasite influences culture." There is at least one other ironclad example of a parasite which controls human behavior: rabies. Humans and other mammals infected by the rabies virus develop hydrophobia – a fear of water – and aggressive behavior, including biting. Since the virus is spread by saliva, that makes sense: Biting for obvious reasons, while water could wash infected saliva away and make the bites less infectious, so a fear of water is good for the virus. Clearly, humans are not beyond the reach of behavior-controlling parasites.
I would like to see better research and interpretation of this condition, I would like to see real professionals deal with this transgenderism, instead of the one size fits all approach that has been created to push drugs and surgery to the already hurt and desperate population that are being led on the wrong path.
I am amazed at how money influences the perception of what is right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy and finally how it has become mainstream when it was once considered a Jerry Springer sideshow. What a few years and a few dollars can do for a movement that was seen mostly in back street alleys, where trans women would pay to get silicone injections, in lonely bedrooms, where men dressed to impress in front of a mirror, and women would enter drag king shows to let her male side out for the night. Fast forward a few years and there is Bruce Jenner the deliverer of this perversion as he tells women how to be women, and accepting an award of sorts for letting his freak out, I find this alarming and repulsive, to say the least. What you do in the privacy of your bedroom is your business and frankly, God will tend to you, but when you push it blatantly in front of everyone, I say it's time to stop. I also say, we are now seeing the most horrific form of human mental decline that has ever been known to mankind.
We are seeing a full out anarchy, rebellion, and a freak show of the largest proportion that has been known to man. People are self-identifying, going to seek help from these so called professionals who have no idea with what they are dealing with. They are creating this as they go along, listening to these broken individuals, (I use to be one of them) dictate what they feel they should be and how they should be treated. There are zero objective tools to diagnose or identify this problem. A once Drag Queen, a homophobic homosexual, a fetish autogynephilic man, a lesbian who can't deal with who she is, and a confused set of teens and youngsters who find this whole gender swap exciting and convenient for their situation, while nothing points to real issues or a set of objective findings that can properly pinpoint the problem are the leaders of this movement? I can tell you this, and I feel strongly and have the authority to speak on this, unbeknownst to those who say I don't, there is no such thing as being trans, gender dysphoria or any real distress involved with gender, only people with real mental issue that have jumped into a trans-pool which are now trying to tell people how to feel, think and how to deal with them.
So what qualifies me to speak and say what I am saying? Well let me give you the short of it, I lived it for 13 years, advocated for it, taught about it in classrooms, led seminars, interviewed hundreds, got interviewed, written books, articles, have done research, lived with and married trans "women", pretty much my life has been devoted to these issues of the LGBT nature. I was a lesbian for 25 years, and I lived 13 as a trans man, I would think I have a few things to say. Let us not forget that when I transitioned, there was hardly any concrete information on the topic, people would come to me since I have a medical background with a huge part of it being in psychology and human behavior. So yes, I am not just qualified, I am over qualified, to say the least. I know more than gender specialist than an endocrinologist, who by the way have no clue what and how to prescribe cross-sex hormones, the WPATH which is led by trans people and big pharma are creating the rules, with "pulling things out their ass", as their main form of resource. So people need to be leery and realize that this storm that has pulled in from the shore, is basically made of horse manure. It holds no ground and has no real science. The born in the wrong body propaganda, the manipulative tool of I will kill myself if you don't give me what I want, and the recruited mad scientists that are working to make this a reality, are just fictional characters and factors utilized by the crazies who are pushing this for their benefit.
So why has this happened you say, well let's blame the media, who by the way is full of LGBT executives, producers, money launders, political head with their own agenda and frankly a bunch of fetish freaks who want nothing more than to convert your children into a bunch of sexual rats for their pleasure. They want to sterilize, hurt and confuse the young even more than they are themselves. It's time to stand up and speak up. I will not stay silent, I don't care who calls me what, homophobe, transphobe, religious nut, who cares. I am a woman of God, who by the way, has not always been, but after years of living this corrupt LGBT lifestyle which lead me to a dead end, I learned that only through living life as we should, do we find peace and true love. I don't want to hear "you can't tell me what to do, or not everyone is like you" or "it didn't work for you", because we are all made up of the same thing, molecules, atoms, and protons, we all bleed when we get cut, and we all return to dust. What is right is right and what is wrong is wrong, I don't care what color skin you have, what size jeans you wear, or what your IQ is, we all have to follow laws, and the LGBT perversion has had way too much air play and its time for the season to end. GLAAD and its neo-nazi mentality bullying everyone that does not subscribe to their gay brand needs to shut it and realize that the world is tired of this gay perverted agenda.
Anything that promotes drug, promiscuity, altering or hurting your body, trying to recruit or alter children for the benefit of fetishistic adults, needs to be shut down. Gender dysphoria is a massive mental and spiritual imbalance that needs to be seen for what it is. Why have compassion for people who are behaving badly, trying to change the moral fabric of this world and frankly are just dead wrong? Bodies are not meant to be changed to fulfill a sexual fetish, to score straight men, or to play gender games. These people are warped are in need of real help. These computer geeks, sci-fi seekers, dreamers, vanity filled puppets, with old wounds that are coming out in all the wrong way, will not dictate to the world how it should be run. It is time to put an end to this and expose it for what it is, one sick ordeal. Gender dysphoria is mental, and those who are promoting or accepting it, are just as mental as the ones who believe in it.
I challenge the media, to let other voices speak, what are you afraid of, if you feel so strongly about your motto, live and let live, why not let those of us who have lived it, and have the T-shirt, hats and cups to prove it, speak out against it, after all is that not what News really is, not just a one-sided report?
I am not God, and I am not here to judge you, you will have your judgment day, what I am is a truth seeker and truth teller, who wants to inform the world of what is taking place. I have the right to do so, just as you feel you have the right to alter yourself, but when you are pushing this as if it's normal, and perverting the young, it's time to scream out of the top of our lungs. NO MORE......
The whole transgender concept when delving into its deep roots and etiology, points out to a human psyche issue, based on childhood traumas, neurological impairments and over all lack of self acceptance stemming from religious upbringing or any environment that did not foster self worth and individuality. It does not take a rocket scientist to break down the factors that created this phenomenon where grown men and women decide that they can change their gender like they change a pair of underwear. Individuality and self expression is not to be mistaken with wrong bodies, its more like societies attempt to normalize individuality by making people conform into a gender box.
When we hear account after account, the narratives all seem the same with a few added or missing factors. But what all these individuals, to include myself, have in common is self hate and lack of self acceptance, creating the illusion that they can swap their sex because they felt different during their younger years, and are not happy with the body they were given. There is nothing wrong with their bodies or genitals, but everything wrong with their thought process and realities. They lack the capability to understand reality and live their lives emulating a temper tantrum child when they don't hear what they want to hear, or are not allowed to pursue their wishes.
Their lives are based on fun filled adventures, attempting to copy the gender they feel they are, but in the end fail miserably because they are not equipped with the tools needed to be that gender, only creating a character at best, cherry picking the characteristics of the gender they are trying to emulate. They are lacking self awareness and making everyone their target, blaming their lives on others without being able to take responsibility.
What the trans community need is to face the truth, to own their mistakes and issues, to realize that the sex they were given at birth was not an assigned sex, but a sex that they are, the sooner they accept truth and reality, the quicker they will learn and be able to live life in happiness, expressing freely without the needed validation from the world. This is the secret to my awakening and making peace with who I am. Once I stopped fighting the world, the struggles ended, and I am now able to be free to be me.
One of the things that frustrates me the most about this community is the lack of self awareness and ability to reason with truth. I can understand not liking the body you were giving, the gender you were pronounced at birth, but just because you don’t like it or want it, does not give you the right to negate it. You can alter yourself all you want, heck pay a doctor enough and he will attach horns on your head and you can call yourself the devil if you like, but please, please, have some sort of reality check and realize that you are not the opposite gender you were born as, no matter what procedure you get.
I believe many of these individuals really believe in their minds and hearts that they are the opposite gender they were born as, and the actual medical "professionals" who are enabling these individuals are not helping them in the least. In fact, they are creating monsters, instead of placing a sense of reality on these folks. The notion is that they can be who they want to be and dare anyone question or challenge their beliefs, and here is where the pathology begins. Its not that you like to wear dresses, make up and heels if you were born a man, its the notion that you can change your sex and expect everyone to bow down to your wishes and fantasies. Shaming real women, forcing men to date them and visa versa.
The lack of self awareness is where the danger stems and in the end when the walls come crashing down, these individuals end up committing suicide, and or living a life of deep depression even after all they did. No procedure can ever change your biology, nothing that you can do will ever make you a real boy or girl, you are the sex you were born as and the sooner you accept this, the happier you will be.
Detransition progress is going well, I am feeling more and more at peace with me, and can't ever believe I allowed myself to think I could change my gender or be happy with the change. The consciousness always prevails and we can't escape our inner voice, not for long anyways. In fact, I am excited to see what lies ahead, and to be able to be a beacon a light for others who have also fallen prey for th trans agenda, letting them know that they can be themselves without hurting their bodies, their love ones and their future, because there is no future in this endeavor, it only brings destruction, unless you are one of the lucky ones who has been chosen to be a soldier for the cause. The ones they are using now to lure everyone in, promising them fame and fortune, and all the attention money can buy, but this fame and fortune will not last forever, for once they achieve what they want, they will drop you like a lead balloon.
Let's stand up for what really counts, allowing our future gender variant kids, teens and adults to be happy with their bodies and life, let us teach acceptance, let us change the way society looks at gender norms and make this world a safer place for us all, instead of promoting the medicalization of gender and quick fix that will lead to a quicker death. Till next time...
Video after video, transition after transition, these extremely sad individuals who will stop at nothing to accomplish the fairy tale in their minds, are not for one minute stopping to see what it is that they are actually doing. Who in their right mind, will destroy their genitals in the attempts to have another created? Now I am not trying to make fun or disrespect anyone, I am just trying to rap my head at the practice that many, including myself underwent, believing we can be a different biology from the one we were born as.
Watching the creation being made, their voices, attitudes and persona change, as if taking on a role in a New York production on Broadway. It is so fake and unnatural. I look back at my own pictures as Mark, hair chest, sprouted beard, muscles and of coarse the swagger that demanded respect, yet, it was all a creation, a false notion, no different than getting into character before entering the stage. The stage in this situation is life, where these young men and women want to play their role in Hollywood, have their 15 minutes of fame. If their interest was really to "fix" their gender dysphoria, why are they always in the lime light, promoting their newly made character and flashy new name?
Instead of trying to make it into People's magazine or in the front page of Mens Fitness, these so called gender dysphoria soldiers would lay low, live a productive life in the role they transition to, and not be as demanding, boisterous and harmful to the gender they claim they are.
After 13 years living as Mark, I learned many things, and one of these real important things I learned was that no matter what a person does to change their outside, they will always be the same on the inside. If you want change, change needs to come from within, learning to care for others, be a bright light for the darkness and stop being so self centered, something this trans community is all about, I know I was.
Mark the Character
I learn that no matter what I did to my exterior, I was still a woman, always will be, can't change that, nor would I want to. I learn the world of men and how much I really do not want to be part of it. I believe that what I have learn will help me help others, I see life totally different now and I am proud of my return. My advice to trans folks is stop trying to change the world and your exterior, be happy with who you are, if you want to change, change the things like the lack of self love and conditions you place on your happiness, cause in the end when your FFS starts to droop, and your not so new man made vagina or penis starts to malfunction and it served you no purpose, you will look back and wonder what the heck did I do?
So stop all that energy, worrying and frustrations you are placing on yourself and start doing something productive, like mentoring these gender variant kids and teach them they are perfect the way they are.
Any how, my detransition progress is going great, still have the occasional headaches from the cessation of Testosterone, still battling with my hair growth on my face and body and the lack of hair on my head, but other than that I feel great.
I spent a lot of time having to put out fires, explaining things to people and trying to express my core beliefs and views. First of all I want to say, I don't want any harm to come to anyone in the trans community, nor do I want any rights taken away, and especially not have their medical access removed. What I do want is people to wake up and realize the truth. Yes the truth, not my truth but the universal truth that says we are not a mistake, our bodies are not wrong, our brains are not gendered, in fact here is the latest study that proves that we all have bits and pieces of male and female components in our brains, not one gendered glob of delusion. http://www.latimes.com/science/sciencenow/la-sci-sn-no-male-female-brain-20151130-story.html
People are born with all sorts of different corks and differences, some men love to wear dresses, some more than others. Some men were de-masculinized while growing up and are dealing with all sorts of skeletons in their closet. It's hard I know, it sucks, but the reality is everyone has issues and problems they are dealing with and the world is not making concessions for them, they just live. I truly believe that the real issues here are childhood traumas that are showing their ugly heads as gender dysphoria, it feel nice to run away and be another person, or should I say gender. Yeah its great to start life over and leave everything and everyone behind, kind of like a witness protection program when they change your identity and move you away to a new place never to be found, but unfortunately we can't run from our true sex, no way, uh uh..
Whether you were told to man up, or act like a lady when growing up because you didn't fit into the gender box you were born in, doesn't give you the free range to switch your gender, even the doc who operated you knows he only performed a cosmetic procedure that really doesn't function as the sex organ you wished to have.
People need to start facing their challenges, be truthful and stop living a lie, this community has gotten so bizarre that they are actually believing their BS.
The time to come to grips with this disorder is now before we literally turn the earth upside down. There are no objective findings to believe the trans plight of being born in the wrong body is true only subjective feelings from a person. Harry Benjamin created this night mare by allowing a few to have SRS, because he felt sorry for them, and could not change the way they thought, these individuals where actually intersex who rightfully had a plight, but trans folks are just confused individuals who need help yes, but not the kind they are getting.
I know I am harsh in what I say, but I know that happiness does to come by changing gender, it gives you a bit of relief, because what is actually happening is, for the first time in your life you are being allowed to express your other side, to play, wear dresses, see your creation in the mirror, but once the fun ends, reality kicks in and you have to clean up one hell of a mess. Till next time...
check this out : http://frontier-heart.tumblr.com/search/trans+women+are+bio+female
The struggle of being who we feel we aught to be, creates devastation from the moment we pursue the "dream". As Maritza I struggled with my mannerisms, my dress code and presentation, the world was telling me I was wrong for being me. Little girls should not sit a certain way, careful how you walk you emulate the walk of a boy, these words pounded my brain and shaped the fears and low self esteem I experience today. Looking back at my life, I see how I could have done things differently, don't we all? But badgering and judging myself just like everyone else did would solve absolutely nothing and further create damage, the damage that I am now faced with healing.
I can understand now why I wanted to take on the role of a male bodied person, they have all the fun, authority and rule the world. But little did I know that it is actually a woman who has all the control, if only we can look past societies illusion, and really see the power of what it means to be a woman. I know that now, after 13 years of living a male's life, whatever that means, but it has given me a strong insight of the power I truly posses as a female.
What has led me to my change of heart and detransitioning you may ask? The realization that I did not have to do what I did to realize who I am. I came up with all sorts of excuses to justify doing what I did, altering my body and creating a mirage of what I though I should be. Many in this community lose it all while pursuing what they think they are or should be. I lost many clients, clients Maritza built while creating an amazing business called Bodies Under Construction . At first, I was in denial, and created all sorts of excuses for the loss, the lethargic nature of Mark, destroyed single handed all the hard work Maritza put to build a career and business, placing more focus on transgender advocacy, and running away from reality in a world that would not question Mark's validity.
I look back now and I can clearly see the destruction, many in this community have blinders and refuse to see right through the smokey mirrors and just continue paving forward with their plan, the plan to destroy who they were and everyone they knew. I have this to say to those in this community, when you wake up from your dream, you will find many feelings you will have to face, and I promise you, regret will be one of them. How long it will take, that is up to you and your journey, but you will look back and see the destruction and wonder how did you let it happen?
Word of advise, be gentle with yourself, although the journey may have hurt many, it was your journey and something for you and others to learn from. I believe the biggest reveal for me was to learn to appreciate my womanhood, to learn to have compassion for every human and most of all, to make peace with the pain I felt through out my life.
