In The Dark

I remember when I was a small child, everything revolved around gender and stereotypes. I don't know if anyone else has these memories, but my mother made sure I knew I was a girl and focused on providing me with girl things. I was constantly told how wrong I was whenever I engaged in boy play, boy actions and or fought against girl things. I don't know why I did not gravitate towards girly things, but it was the core of my upbringing, the battle between mom and I lasted a life time and to this day, it still does. 

Even after I have detransitioned, my mom is not seeing the results that she would like to see fast enough. I can see the disapproval in her face and demeanor. I know she means well, and I am sure she meant well through out my life, but I believe her push for me to be the girl she gave birth to, actually led to wanting to be more masculine and fight my feminine essence. I find myself now being drawn to more feminine things and can't wait to be seen as a woman, have my long hair back, be able to wear more feminine attire and over all live the remaining years as a woman. 

I think society is at fault for all the confusion and judgment we all face due to our quirkiness. We should all be able to express, experiment and execute our self as we see fit without judgment or ridicule, including from our own parents.  Add religious dogma  to the mix, that plays on people emotions and fears when they do not fit the perfect little gender boxes, is enough to drive people to the opposite direction. If society was less stressed on peoples expression and accepted everyone for who they were, we would not see all the problems we are seeing today. 

I do see improvements, but we have a long way to go. People and their neurosis with what gender is or what sex is suppose to be are only creating internal battles in others which in turn affects everyone on this planet. I say take a chill pill and let people be already. Who cares if a trans person was born the opposite sex they identify as, is it any of your business? Your uterus won't fall off if a trans woman says she is a woman, don't worry they are not asking you for your ovaries to make them complete. No one is trying to take away your womanhood, there are no quotas on earth for the amount of woman allowed, so breath easy you are safe. There is enough room on this planet for trans women and women alike.

Stop playing the biology card, and start realizing there is more to life the sperm and ovum. Oh and for those who claim that I am standing by my "man", if you even knew me, you would know how much of a ball buster and strong headed individual I am. I have come to this completed 180 due to my own detransition, it has allowed me to feel compassion and have a full on understanding of a feeling of being a woman. You may not understand since you have never had to go through this whole cluster fuck of feelings and emotions, but I can tell you this, your nay saying and constant friction helps no one. You don't even know it but you are hurting women as well. There are many women who are born with lots of androgen, they too will be a victim of harassment in their own toilets. So please give it a break and get out of the darkness. Its 2016 we humans are evolving, you don't want to be seen or left to be a dinosaur.  

Life is too precious and our path very difficult to be a thorn in someone else's path. I love you but remember to love yourselves too

Ritz

PLEASE NOTE I WILL NOT  BE WRITING MY BLOG HERE ANY LONGER, I WILL BE ON MY OTHER WORDPRESS BLOG  https://maritzacummings.wordpress.com

She Is A Woman

humans and our limited ability to understand things beyond our human senses and comprehension, we tend to categorize people by that factors and characteristics we have been taught to use. We limit our world by words and concreteness which in fact only allows us to understand a very small portion of the world we live in. Our brains have not developed to their full capacity and our beliefs are still rather infantile and it shows by our behavior here on planet earth. 

One of the reasons I did a 180 on many of my views regarding trans issues, was the way my wife Lynna was being treated. First by the trans community when she started questioning things after her severe car accident, and recently by radical feminists. When Lynna was recuperating from her accident, she was doubting her self in many ways and  feared that she was not going to be able to continue her transition which led to many questions that were offensive to many in the trans community, with reasons of coarse, which then led to arguments amongst her once friends and followers. I quickly jumped in and defended her as her boyfriend at the time, and although I had lots to lose since I had a media outlet promoting the community, my only concern was Lynna and her health. We said and did many things that we are ashamed of now, and since then we have had a change of heart and  have apologized to a community we both love and respect dearly.

There seems to be an animosity from some radical feminist towards trans women, and when Lynna identified as a gender variant male, they were all in love with her and rallied behind us. But of coarse that was only because we were their darlings, saying what they wanted to hear. Now fast forward when Lynna and I have had a change of heart and wanted to start the New Year with a different tone and voice, a voice that will allow everyone to be who they are without judgment or hate. A voice of unconditional love for all. Well RF would not have it, and instead started challenging, bullying and attacking us for our new message of love.

I want to say to everyone reading this blog that I believe trans women are women, they are the most amazing women on earth. Although some are still learning their way around womanhood, they stumble, may still be in their teenage years, but don't think for one moment that the blossoming will not take place. Once they sort themselves out, own who they are, trans women will be Goddesses without a doubt. My Lynna is the most amazing Goddess around, sorry girls, but she is my queen, my life, my world and my every heart beat. Lynna is beautiful inside and out, she has changed my heart and taught me how to love, something I did not ever know how to do. So here I stand in front of the world and tell you Lynna is a woman, she is a woman because of her heart, her soul, her every essence screams female, and I feel sorry for those of you who cannot allow trans women to be the gender they say they are. Get to know and love one, and you too will quickly see the they are women. 

Lynna has actually taught me to be a women, she has brought Maritza back and now I will fight for her and her transgender sisters. There is room for us all, I am no more or no less of a woman than trans women are. They are amazingly beautiful and tender, they deserve the right to be. 

Love you all, please love yourselves too

Ritz

Growth

Everything we ever experience in life stems from the need to grow. We are unaware at the time when the roof seems to be falling on our heads, that the situation which seems horrifying is actually a blessing send from above.  Our pain is our biggest teacher and the times of laughter a time to reflect from our past pain. We are here on this beautiful blue planet to grow, get rid of baggage and over all enjoy the moments provided from our loving creator whom we are connected to in more ways than we know. 

I am not religious in fact, I despise dogma, I feel religion was created to control us and keep us contained in stagnation, fear and confusion. I want to believe that every challenge we face in life, only makes us stronger and teaches us the lessons we are here to learn, making us better people, productive and well rounded in the end. If we don't learn the lesson the first time around, it will continue to show it's ugly head. Just look back at your life, the many times ran into the same situations, no coincidence there. 

Our life and body is like a canvas, there for us to create our masterpiece of life. Don't be afraid to face your demons, for the sooner you accept things, the quicker you learn your lessons and are able to move on. Treat your life like a major Hollywood production, with you and others being actors on a stage. Don't take things to heart or wear your feelings on your sleeves. The things you encounter or the treatment from others is really not just about you, but sometimes it's a collective project for others to learn while you are engaged in their dynamics. I have so much to be thankful for, my journey's and yes I have had many, they have taught me valuable lessons that I will forever hold dear in my heart. I am a better person for it, and now capable of loving beyond measures, something I did not know how to do before. 

Forgiveness is another important player in our lives, we need to start by forgiving ourselves, then others. This is the most freeing tool we can posses as humans. Just take a look at all of the forgiving moments you have had, have you passed the test or are you still holding on to that bag? Remember we are here to grow, to love and to let go. Live in the now, love with all of your might and I hope that you will understand your purpose here on earth, don't think we just come here to live and die, while suffering along the way. There is more to life, are you willing to grow and open up the door? I hope so.

Great Interview with a fellow Detransitioner 

Love you all, but love the heck out of yourself too

Ritz

For Crying Out Load

For the past week or so, I feel like I have been invaded by the witches of Salem, no really, I have been labeled from everything like rapist apologists, women hater,  MRA and everything under the sun because I support my wife Lynna and the trans community. I was going through my own turmoil and fighting my own inner demons when I spoke against the community I fought hard and long for. But now that I have worked through all of my challenges, I can clearly see, and no longer wish to go against a community that I have loved for years.  My wife is transgender, I love her more than life itself. I owe no allegiance to anyone but her. I am sorry if people think I have made a complete 180 and feel forsaken, I cannot support your hate and lack of compassion for my wife and those like her. 

I have been getting slammed on all of my social media outlets, and have felt the heat from many who follow the radical feminist think tank. The group WOLF, who also have a page on face book called: we demand sex segregation safe women's spaces, have gone over board with screen shots and just trying to vilify Lynna and I for not agreeing with their mantra. We don't want to invade your spaces, the bathrooms are there for a purpose and that is to use them. Trans women have every right to use the bathroom that reflects their legal documentation, as you have every right to howl at the moon and run naked on your own private camps. There is room enough on this planet for everyone to co exist and live. Now grow up and learn to play in the sand box with others. In addition you don't have to date trans women if you don't want to, stop the paranoia and just lighten up already.

Lynna and I hate no one, we don't support harming women in any way, we do support equality for everyone, and the ability to allow humans to live as they feel best. If that makes us haters then by all means. But stop with the constant barrage and ridiculous allegations, and if you really wanted to do right by women, stop pushing your hate on the world.

Now to change the subject, since I am really over this whole rad fem fiasco, I wanted to say that I have noticed weight gain since stopping T, funny enough when I wanted to transition in May, the weight started to fall off real rapidly, this time the opposite is happening. My sex drive continues to drop, my over all health is good, no mood swings or fatigue, sleeping great and feeling really good. The headaches are less frequent if at all. Feeling good, loving returning to me, detransitioning was definitely the right thing for me to do. Goodbye Mark, hello Maritza, I can't wait to blossom into the great women that I know I can be. Will I be butch or will I be fem? Well, I think I will be a bit of both, no different than what I use to be back in the day.

Love you all

Ritz 

I See You

Playing with hair pieces and look

Soul searching is one of the most painful self discovery a person can undertake. No amount of therapy in my opinion can fortify you with the deepest discovery of finding you. We go through life building walls, hiding who we truly are in order to protect ourselves, not realizing the damage we are actually creating with in our psyche and mind. 

As a child we learn real quick how to hide our inner truth in the quest of belonging to a group and be seen. We engage in behavior that may not feel comfortable, surround  ourselves with people, habits and careers that may not be at all in alignment with our true intent. So we grow up resentful, angry, fearful and over all unhappy. 

It is important to stay real to our soul purpose, to understand what we are all about, not what others want us to be like. I have learn the hard way, and my path has been painful. I have done things to please others, and to feel like I belong. Creating an image that slowly became angry and full of ego. I can tell you now that feeling was not good, I lived a lie, in order to feel accepted and looked up to. But instead I ended up hurting many people, and I will forever regret my actions, words and disrespect to a community that did not deserve my belittling actions and words. 

We each have a journey to take, maybe mine had a purpose, albeit, I wish I would have been kinder, but I believe now by returning to my truth, I can help heal and mend the damage I created. In addition, help others question their truth and over all create a space where people can talk freely without ego and defensiveness. People are hurting, there are so many reasons for this, but we need to realize that no one pain is more important than another. We all matter. I want to say to all in the LGBT community, to our allies and to those who do not agree with who we are, or  who we try to be, find a space in your heart that allows you to come from a compassionate source, don't point fingers or create a judgment. Instead, reach deep and try to feel the pain of others by simply remembering the pain you have experienced in your life before. Pain is pain, let us learn to see each other through the eyes of love. To all, I want to say that I see me now, and  I can now see you.

I love you but remember to love yourselves too

Ritz

Stopping T Improves Health

http://www.eulogia.org/the-dangers-of-testosterone-therapy/

Two of the many side affects that I noticed with T, was an increase in heart rate and blood pressure, two of the most damaging results that can lead to stroke, heart attacks and death. Since stopping T, my usual pulse of 98-102, placing tremendous strain on my heart, has now dropped to 84 with only 4 weeks off T. My Blood pressure which I have kept under control while on T by using Hawthorn Berries supplementation, ranged from  124/92- 128/89, and now its 103 /73 a remarkable drop in such a short period of time. If I would have continued to be on T, I would surely have died from a stroke or massive heart attack, the strain I placed on my heart was enormous and all for what?

Now if we break down the many dangerous effects that cross sex hormones have on trans individuals, it makes sense not to take them. First of all if your body was meant to have synthetic hormones from your opposite sex, you would have been born the gender you so desperately want to be. Instead you are "forced" to take a substance that is not meant for your body or receptors, according to your chromosomes and DNA, this only creates health issues that are clearly noted, such as increase in heart disease, cancer, blood clots that lead to stroke and heart attacks, liver and kidney damage, brain damage and more. Why put your body in danger in attempts to alter your gender, while your sex remains the same?

Could you not as easy live life expressing as you wish without having to cater to societies needs of gender boxing? Do you not care enough about yourself and health to forgo such crazy practices? Are you that superficial that you base your life on looks and presentation based on a system that creates these situations to profit from? I know I fell for the trap and only wish I could turn back time, but since I can't the only sane thing for me to do is help others understand that there are other ways of living your truth. You need to start by loving yourself unconditionally, stop obsessing over the physical and work on the inner you, the one that really needs all of your attention.

I plan to not take any hormones at all, although I have no ovaries to produce my natural dose of estrogen, I will simply continue my healthy lifestyle of eating plant based products, drinking lots of water, exercising and meditating. I hope to be an inspiration to many young women who are being sold the lie, that their bodies are imperfect and that they need to be someone they are not. Till next time....

Facing Truth

One of the things that frustrates me the most about this community is the lack of self awareness and ability to reason with truth. I can understand not liking the body you were giving, the gender you were pronounced at birth, but just because you don’t like it or want it, does not give you the right to negate it. You can alter yourself all you want, heck pay a doctor enough and he will attach horns on your head and you can call yourself the devil if you like, but please, please, have some sort of reality check and realize that you are not the opposite gender you were born as, no matter what procedure you get.

I believe many of these individuals really believe in their minds and hearts that they are the opposite gender they were born as, and the actual medical "professionals" who are enabling these individuals are not helping them in the least.  In fact, they are creating monsters, instead of placing a sense of reality on these folks.  The notion is that they can be who they want to be and dare anyone question or challenge their beliefs, and here is where the pathology begins. Its not that you like to wear dresses, make up and heels if you were born a man, its the notion that you can change your sex and expect everyone to bow down to your wishes and fantasies. Shaming real women, forcing men to date them and visa versa. 

The lack of self awareness is where the danger stems and in the end when the walls come crashing down, these individuals end up committing suicide, and or living a life of deep depression even after all they did. No procedure can ever change your biology, nothing that you can do will ever make you a real boy or girl, you are the sex you were born as and the sooner you accept this, the happier you will be.

Detransition progress is going well, I am feeling more and more at peace with me, and can't ever believe I allowed myself to think I could change my gender or be happy with the change. The consciousness always prevails and we can't escape our inner voice, not for long anyways. In fact, I am excited to see what lies ahead, and to be able to be a beacon a light for others who have also fallen prey for th trans agenda, letting them know that they can be themselves without hurting their bodies, their love ones and their future, because there is no future in this endeavor, it only brings destruction, unless you are one of the lucky ones who has been chosen to be a soldier for the cause. The ones they are using now to lure everyone in, promising them fame and fortune, and all the attention money can buy, but this fame and fortune will not last forever, for once they achieve what they want, they will drop you like a lead balloon.  

Let's stand up for what really counts, allowing our future gender variant kids, teens and adults to be happy with their bodies and life, let us teach acceptance, let us change the way society looks at gender norms and make this world a safer place for us all, instead of promoting the medicalization of gender and quick fix that will lead to a quicker death. Till next time...

Self Denial

This is now

That was then

The struggle of being who we feel we aught to be, creates devastation from the moment we pursue the "dream". As Maritza I struggled with my mannerisms, my dress code and presentation, the world was telling me I was wrong for being me. Little girls should not sit a certain way, careful how you walk you emulate the walk of a boy, these words pounded my brain and shaped the fears and low self esteem I experience today.  Looking back at my life, I see how I could have done things differently, don't we all? But badgering and judging myself just like everyone else did would solve  absolutely nothing and further create damage, the damage that I am now faced with healing.

I can understand now why I wanted to take on the role of a male bodied person, they have all the fun, authority and rule the world. But little did I know that it is actually a woman who has all the control, if only we can look past societies illusion, and really see the power of what it means to be a woman. I know that now, after 13 years of living a male's life, whatever that means, but it has given me a strong insight of the power I truly posses as a female.

What has led me to my change of heart and detransitioning you may ask? The realization that I did not have to do what I did to realize who I am.  I came up with all sorts of excuses to justify doing what I did, altering my body and creating a mirage of what I though I should be. Many in this community lose it all while pursuing what they think they are or should be. I lost many clients, clients Maritza built while creating an amazing business called  Bodies Under Construction .  At first, I was in denial, and created all sorts of excuses for the loss, the lethargic nature of Mark, destroyed single handed all the hard work Maritza put to build a career and business, placing more focus on   transgender advocacy, and running away from reality in a world that would not question Mark's validity.

I look back now and I can clearly see the destruction, many in this community have blinders and refuse to see right through the smokey mirrors and just continue paving forward with their plan, the plan to destroy who they were and everyone they knew.  I have this to say to those in this community, when you wake up from your dream, you will find many feelings you will have to face, and I promise you, regret will be one of them. How long it will take, that is up to you and your journey, but you will look back and see the destruction and wonder how did you let it happen?

Word of advise, be gentle with yourself, although the journey may have hurt many, it was your journey and something for you and others to learn from. I believe the biggest reveal for me was to learn to appreciate my womanhood, to learn to have compassion for every human and most of all, to make peace with the pain I felt through out my life.