Changes

It has been 2 months since I have been off Testosterone and I feel great. I am currently not on any hormones and allowing my body to do her own thing. I am confident that she will do right by me and I will be the picture of health and balance. I am happy emotionally, feeling good physically and today we have started another water fast. I believe fasting will expedite the healing process as will eating natural organic foods.

I wanted to discuss the changes I have seen thus far. First of all, my mind feels so much sharper as does my speech. I have always had a bit of a loss for words since transitioning, the research shows the a loss of grey matter takes place which affects our communication and now since being free of T for 2 months I feel more fluid and coherent. My facial and body hear are still coming in coarse and steady, not happy about that, and hoping that it will change with the passing months. I will be scheduling Laser when I move to Florida in a couple of months. 

My hair progress is coming along just fine and I have learn some really cool procedures that I will be using  to help it along. I was informed about a derma roller that is not only good for the skin but to stimulate hair follicles, here is a link Derma roller. 

Here is a comparison shot on the Left was the initial shot on Nov 15th on the right is on Jan 10th 2016. 

I am excited to see the many changes I will experience, already I see my face is softening up and that is with out estrogen of any kind since I don't have ovaries and I am not supplementing as of yet. I will play it by ear and see how it goes. If I take anything it will be natural, non synthetic.

As we lay in bed fasting and writing my blog, I can't help but wonder what is in store for the future. The challenges I still face with documentation changes, and learning to navigate my environment again after living life as a male identified person. I am optimistic and happy with lots of new found peace that radiates in every word I say and every thought I think. I am blessed to have a wonderful supporting spouse by my side who loves me for me, and that is whats important. My detransitioning has allowed me to have more compassion for the trans community and to be more empathetic with others. I know that many are not in accordance with the trans community for whatever reasons, but I have learned that everyone is entitled to live their lives. I do want to place emphasis on the importance to know if transitioning is right for you and not just to jump on the bandwagon because you think its the cooler thing to do. Do lots of soul searching, you don't want to do what I did and find out 13 years later that is was the wrong path. Note it was the wrong path for me, I am not saying it is the wrong path for everyone. I can only share my story and speak about me, and me alone.

Any way guys hope you are having a relaxing Sunday, I know Lynna and I are, chilling and fasting, reaching ultimate levels of healing and continuing to do much soul searching.

Lots of Love

Ritz

Stopping T Improves Health

http://www.eulogia.org/the-dangers-of-testosterone-therapy/

Two of the many side affects that I noticed with T, was an increase in heart rate and blood pressure, two of the most damaging results that can lead to stroke, heart attacks and death. Since stopping T, my usual pulse of 98-102, placing tremendous strain on my heart, has now dropped to 84 with only 4 weeks off T. My Blood pressure which I have kept under control while on T by using Hawthorn Berries supplementation, ranged from  124/92- 128/89, and now its 103 /73 a remarkable drop in such a short period of time. If I would have continued to be on T, I would surely have died from a stroke or massive heart attack, the strain I placed on my heart was enormous and all for what?

Now if we break down the many dangerous effects that cross sex hormones have on trans individuals, it makes sense not to take them. First of all if your body was meant to have synthetic hormones from your opposite sex, you would have been born the gender you so desperately want to be. Instead you are "forced" to take a substance that is not meant for your body or receptors, according to your chromosomes and DNA, this only creates health issues that are clearly noted, such as increase in heart disease, cancer, blood clots that lead to stroke and heart attacks, liver and kidney damage, brain damage and more. Why put your body in danger in attempts to alter your gender, while your sex remains the same?

Could you not as easy live life expressing as you wish without having to cater to societies needs of gender boxing? Do you not care enough about yourself and health to forgo such crazy practices? Are you that superficial that you base your life on looks and presentation based on a system that creates these situations to profit from? I know I fell for the trap and only wish I could turn back time, but since I can't the only sane thing for me to do is help others understand that there are other ways of living your truth. You need to start by loving yourself unconditionally, stop obsessing over the physical and work on the inner you, the one that really needs all of your attention.

I plan to not take any hormones at all, although I have no ovaries to produce my natural dose of estrogen, I will simply continue my healthy lifestyle of eating plant based products, drinking lots of water, exercising and meditating. I hope to be an inspiration to many young women who are being sold the lie, that their bodies are imperfect and that they need to be someone they are not. Till next time....

Withdrawls

Feeling trapped in the wrong body has many components and many factors that stem from childhood trauma and the traumas we were subject to throughout life. There are many in this community that do have legitimate claims and dysphorias of many types, how they handle it or deal with it is very personal. 

Being in a relationship with a trans identified individual has many challenges and the challenges become even greater when one decides to detransition. The dynamic of the set relationship changes, and there are issues that arise. One would think what is the problem, you are the same individual, right? Well yes I am the same person, but now doubts enter my head, will they leave me because I no longer represent that icon I once was? I look in the mirror and the "man" I once created and the "man" they fell in love with is now changing right before their very eyes. 

My mind starts to play tricks with me as the hormone that made me this so called man, is leaving my bloodstream.  When I look in the mirror, I don't like what I see. The cumbersome shaving of a body that produces so much hair from 13 years of testosterone is exhausting and almost impossible to get rid of. The hair on my head sparse and grey, making me feel old and unwanted. I don't know how many people actually have detransitioned after being on Testosterone for 13 years, but it is not an easy task to say the least. There is no support for someone like me and I find that my detransitioning has send my spouse into major dysphoria. 

I hope time will heal these wounds and that everything will be alright in the end. I am trying to be strong, and I know that I must do this because the T that once provided me with so much strength and relief, is now hurting me in so many ways. There comes a time when we know deep in our hearts there is something one must do, and this is one of those times.

I am fasting for the next 3 to 4 days, I hope the fast brings some clarity and relief to this pain I am in right now. Till next time.....