Week 3 Detransition Blues
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I find the miracle of self-love is kind of like the love a mother has for their child, no matter how ugly, or unruly the child is, the mother can only see them with loving eyes. So that same type of unconditional love is the kind of love we need to have for ourselves, no matter what cards we are dealt. It is a gift you know to be born a female. I want the future generation, the ones who feel they are gender confused, to think twice before they undergo the worse possible scenario in life, gender transition. You will never change who you truly are, and will however damage yourself in the process.
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If you think for one moment that you are going to be any better off by taking dangerous chemicals and altering your body, please think again. You may have a few years, tops 10, that your body may behave, but as the years go by and the chemicals take over your once healthy body, you will see changes you are not going to like and you will regret. First of all, if you a trans guy, you will get bald, fat, and very sick. Most trans guys after they reach a certain age, don’t look very appealing. Don’t believe me, check out what Jamison Green looks like and many others who after the age of 50 don’t fair well. If you are a man wanting to transition to a more feminine expression and decide to block your T and take estradiol, you will find yourself, aging very quickly, and your body fighting to regain the androgen. Don’t believe me? Check out some of the older trans women if they are still alive. This is no joke, my friends, the glamour and glitz does not last long, but the bad part of it does, if you live to tell the tale.
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This is the second week of my last and final detransition journey. I am hanging up my Mark hat, and Maritza is here to stay. My divorce with Lynna finally got finalized it is official, I am a divorcee. Now I will head to the courthouse and get my old name legally returned, what a joke, that I have to pay to get my old name back. Then off to a doctor to fill out a form that says I am female so that I can present that paper to the social security office, all sorts of legality to change back what is rightfully mine. I was born a woman and I will die one. No legal system has the right to change the language and history of a person’s birth. If you were born a baby girl, you will die a woman, no surgery or hormones will ever change that. All this is, is legal fiction, the changing of documents does not change reality.
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Please note that all you are doing is damaging your health, and playing a role, a stereotype, nothing in your body is actually changing to make the gender you think you will become. My advice is to get to know yourself, you are more than a type, you are a unique individual, not some fad or wannabe. If you were intended to be born the opposite sex, you would have been, nothing wrong with your body, just your thinking.
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As for me, I know I have a long road ahead to healing, the damage I have cause being on Testosterone for the last 16 years has pretty much messed with my body, my health, and my mind, it is not the same as before I started this transition. I hurt all over, and feel weaker, even after all the year’s of T, women cannot handle the amount of androgen given with the diagnosis, which is bogus by the way, of gender dysphoria.
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I am looking forward to regaining as much as I can from what I have lost. My mission is to help young women see their beauty, whether they are feminine or masculine presenting you are still a female and would be better off honoring your self as you are than, living a lie. Men do not have it easier, trust me, after attempting to live in a man’s world as a facsimile, the words imposter came to mind. I felt I was lying to everyone, had no true peace with myself, as I saw my body become more toxic from the years of Fake Testosterone. Yes, you heard right, it’s synthetic, you don’t have testicles, your body will reject it, you were born with ovaries, don’t forget that.
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Stand up for your sisters, be proud of who you are, men have made this world a mess, we have allowed it, and now we are doing this, bailing out on our kind so we can attempt to be the other? You can’t, you think you can but you won’t. Please save yourself your health and your mind. Testosterone in women damages your brain and your thinking abilities. If you like to be a tomboy or dress in men’s clothing, by all means, do so, but don’t just pigeon hole yourself, in a box. Be diversitile in your appearance, play with fashion. I know you think that men’s clothing is better, but they’re not in fact, all that bagginess, and linear look, it’s boring.
And boys if you think that you stand a chance to be a female, you are dreaming, you were not born a baby girl and you will definitely not become a woman, you may play with looks, you may hurt your genitals in an attempt to create a birth canal, but all you will be creating is a sex hole, that does not even work. Be a solution to mankind, instead of feeding the problem. You think men are jerks, they can be, why not do something to change that and be a good man, not try to be something you will never be.
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I hate to break the news to the new gender evangelicals who think you can change the world to accept you, people will never see this as normal, please just save yourselves the hassle and be your authentic self, the other is just an act, a costume and manipulation of cosmetics that will never make you the sex you wish to be.
I have to say, I am happy where I am at, I can finally breathe and be me, not some created persona that I created to deal with the traumas life gave me. Freedom is good, transitioning is a prison and death sentence. Don’t do it. My only regret is that I did not do this sooner, stayed the course. My detransition Blues are that I can’t wait to fully engulf the true essence of me. I am Woman and here me roar.
Till Next Time
Maritza
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