Detransition Is Real
I know there are many people, including me, who traveled the road towards transition. I began this journey in 2003, I was 38 years old, and believed that transition would solve all of my woes. I had always lived my life in gender confusion, being scolded by my mother for not being girly enough. I was always ridiculed, spirit broken and made fill inept for not being mommies perfect little princess.
I was sexually abused and had an abusive alcoholic father, all situations which I have since forgiven and worked through, so I thought. I identified as a lesbian since I was 13 years old and had my first sexual encounter with an older woman at the time. I had many relationships with women, dated a few men along the way, to please mother of course, but I knew that I was destined not to get married or have children. I did not like how I felt in the presence of men, maybe due to my poor experiences with them, or some other deep trauma that I was faced with.
I had many relationships with females, I even attempted artificial insemination on 3 occasions during the time I was in a committed lesbianic relationship during a time in my life, I was 34 years old when I felt my biological clock was ticking, but to no avail, I was infertile. I found out that I had Progestin Induced Virilization which is an Intersex condition created by DES a product my mother used to prevent miscarriages during the time she was pregnant with me.
Fast forward a few years, I started to become obsessed with my body, did not like the shape nor how big my breasts were getting so I began working out and taking steroids. Not something I am proud of, but I believe that it changed something in me, and created in my opinion the spiral of events that lead me to transition, along with all of the childhood traumas and shame I endured for being a lesbian.
I want to hit these points above in greater detail, this will be my journal for my return to sanity, love, and acceptance, Maritza Cummings Lives, I hope that this journal will help understand many in the trans community that may have experienced the same situations as I have. Detransitoners are told they are not trans, as far as I am concerned, I went through all the same guidelines, and at the moment in 2003, there was a protocol, unlike today, that all you have to say is that you feel you were born wrong.
I went through the therapy, had top surgery as well as a Hysterectomy both done at the same time (a 7-hour procedure) so what person would place themselves in danger as I did if I was not struggling with something? I really want to put it all out there, no hidden agendas, all heart-based sharing, to help me understand this whirlwind I have been through, and to help others possibly save themselves some time and heartache.
The sentiment in the trans community is that detransition does not happen, that it is rare, I say bullocks to that. It is real, and there are many who struggle with wanting to, may even go back and forth as I have, but in the end, sanity wins. We are intimidated, practically told we are crazy, to shut up, and hide. I Maritza, will speak up, and let the truth be known. You may say well it’s your truth, well what other truths am I suppose to understand or speak about, but my own. But like me, if many are honest, they will see that transition is a road to nowhere, it destroys your life and the life others, one can only see this, when one removes the filters and steps out of self, removing the well none narcissistic personality behavior that many of us have had to adapt as a coping mechanism in order to navigate life.
Stay Tune more to come on Maritza Cummings Lives……
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