Dysphoria: How It Works
Looking in the mirror now, I am 54 years old, will turn 55 at the end of June, I see that my face looks very different, haggard as if I have been through a war. I have always prided myself for looking younger than I usually am, many have commented on this throughout my life. Not so much now. This morning marks day 3 of my detransition journey, I shaved my grizzly Adam beard a few days ago and decided to follow my heart. I was driving home from my shoulder Rehab, and I heard a voice that said: “you know what you have to do”. I am not a religious person, don’t claim any denomination, but I am spiritual, extremely I would say. I have always lead my life guided by Source, the one whose spark of divinity is inside us all, Mother/Father the loving parent who many do not know.
I have been trying to educate people for the past 4 years on the harm of transitioning and expressing my discontent with the whole matter. But always felt like an imposter and hypocrite while I did so. I was still struggling to hold on to the lie, I was living, the lie that allowed me to create the shield of protection that could not longer stand on its own.
Many of us come from abusive households, some are sexually molested, I know I was for four years of my life. Childhood trauma, vaccines, and unwanted chemicals from our environment create hormonal imbalances, and even poor coping skills, that creates an individual who disassociates from their body, creates another person so that the real you, cannot be hurt. We struggle with addictions, many run away from the real issues, and transition may seem like a good idea at the time. But I am here to tell you, that for me, it was the worse idea ever. I lost it all, my career, my reputation as quite the intelligent female who was respected amongst her colleagues. My family looked down on me, and to tell you the truth, so did I. After a few years and the honeymoon stage ran out, I began to wonder if this was the right choice, but how to get off the ride when it already took off?
1988 got married to an English man, trying to marry the Lesbian away. I was always told how wrong I was to be me.
“In my opinion, transitioning is a poor coping mechanism used to run away from our lives, and the many discomforts we faced in our youth. I will go deeper into this in another blog entry, but for now let me just say, that it is not a solution, at least it was not for me”.
I had a hysterectomy, top surgery, and went to therapy for 6 months, did everything the WPATH guidelines asked back in 2003, which by the way was a lot more structured than it is today. Today anything goes, the gatekeepers have been removed, and now it’s the wild wild west.
Testosterone creates micro tears in a female brain and damages your structure
I would have to say that in this day and age, many people suffer from some sort of disassociation, they don’t like their bodies, their nose, their height, and weight, you name it, just add gender to the equation and you have the trans express train. Many girls hate their breasts, many see how boys objectify them and stare them down as if they were some kind of prime rib cut. Being an object of sexual desire becomes very uncomfortable for most women, and the ones that desire it, are usually dealing with some other issues which taught them how to use their sex appeal to gain what they want from men. Either way, it is not a healthy proposition or endeavors to follow, there are better ways to cope and achieve goals.
I find that this junk science and new found label has taken over the world in a way that it will lead to many unwanted changes in society and for our species. I have been seeing a train wreck in the making for some time now, and it needs to be stopped.
Battling who I was because I had no guidance only criticism
The green light has been given to many on nothing more than “feelings” or dislike of self, this does not give us a license to destroy our lives and the lives of others. We are not Mr or Mrs. Potatoe head, we are humans made up of flesh and blood, with real feelings and biology that cannot be altered. Cosmetic surgeries and cross-sex hormones will never make us the opposite gender. We must realize this, and allow ourselves to be content and well adjusted to who we are.
Dysphoria is nothing more and nothing less than an escape mechanism for those who do not wish to present themselves as the sex they were born as. The is no concrete science that demonstrates the body is wrong, what I believe is wrong in our thinking, and that societies strict gender roles have created this massive hatred for who we were born as.
Steroids changed my thinking and my body
My goal is to help young women be proud of who they were born as and to learn to leave themselves alone. This veteran has walked many miles in these “man” shoes, and I am tired of walking on a path to nowhere. I am a woman, a woman with quite the story and the scars to prove it, hence it will take many years to mend and heal. But awareness and self-forgiveness are the beginning of my new found journey and determination to rise up from the ashes like the Pheonix.
Till next time
Maritza
Looking in the mirror now, I am 54 years old, will turn 55 at the end of June, I see that my face looks very different, haggard as if I have been through a war. I have always prided myself for looking younger than I usually am, many have commented on this throughout my life. Not so much now. This morning marks day 3 of my detransition journey, I shaved my grizzly Adam beard a few days ago and decided to follow my heart. I was driving home from my shoulder Rehab, and I heard a voice that said: “you know what you have to do”. I am not a religious person, don’t claim any denomination, but I am spiritual, extremely I would say. I have always lead my life guided by Source, the one whose spark of divinity is inside us all, Mother/Father the loving parent who many do not know.
I have been trying to educate people for the past 4 years on the harm of transitioning and expressing my discontent with the whole matter. But always felt like an imposter and hypocrite while I did so. I was still struggling to hold on to the lie, I was living, the lie that allowed me to create the shield of protection that could not longer stand on its own.
Many of us come from abusive households, some are sexually molested, I know I was for four years of my life. Childhood trauma, vaccines, and unwanted chemicals from our environment create hormonal imbalances, and even poor coping skills, that creates an individual who disassociates from their body, creates another person so that the real you, cannot be hurt. We struggle with addictions, many run away from the real issues, and transition may seem like a good idea at the time. But I am here to tell you, that for me, it was the worse idea ever. I lost it all, my career, my reputation as quite the intelligent female who was respected amongst her colleagues. My family looked down on me, and to tell you the truth, so did I. After a few years and the honeymoon stage ran out, I began to wonder if this was the right choice, but how to get off the ride when it already took off?
1988 got married to an English man, trying to marry the Lesbian away. I was always told how wrong I was to be me.
“In my opinion, transitioning is a poor coping mechanism used to run away from our lives, and the many discomforts we faced in our youth. I will go deeper into this in another blog entry, but for now let me just say, that it is not a solution, at least it was not for me”.
I had a hysterectomy, top surgery, and went to therapy for 6 months, did everything the WPATH guidelines asked back in 2003, which by the way was a lot more structured than it is today. Today anything goes, the gatekeepers have been removed, and now it’s the wild wild west.
Testosterone creates micro tears in a female brain and damages your structure
I would have to say that in this day and age, many people suffer from some sort of disassociation, they don’t like their bodies, their nose, their height, and weight, you name it, just add gender to the equation and you have the trans express train. Many girls hate their breasts, many see how boys objectify them and stare them down as if they were some kind of prime rib cut. Being an object of sexual desire becomes very uncomfortable for most women, and the ones that desire it, are usually dealing with some other issues which taught them how to use their sex appeal to gain what they want from men. Either way, it is not a healthy proposition or endeavors to follow, there are better ways to cope and achieve goals.
I find that this junk science and new found label has taken over the world in a way that it will lead to many unwanted changes in society and for our species. I have been seeing a train wreck in the making for some time now, and it needs to be stopped.
Battling who I was because I had no guidance only criticism
The green light has been given to many on nothing more than “feelings” or dislike of self, this does not give us a license to destroy our lives and the lives of others. We are not Mr or Mrs. Potatoe head, we are humans made up of flesh and blood, with real feelings and biology that cannot be altered. Cosmetic surgeries and cross-sex hormones will never make us the opposite gender. We must realize this, and allow ourselves to be content and well adjusted to who we are.
Dysphoria is nothing more and nothing less than an escape mechanism for those who do not wish to present themselves as the sex they were born as. The is no concrete science that demonstrates the body is wrong, what I believe is wrong in our thinking, and that societies strict gender roles have created this massive hatred for who we were born as.
Steroids changed my thinking and my body
My goal is to help young women be proud of who they were born as and to learn to leave themselves alone. This veteran has walked many miles in these “man” shoes, and I am tired of walking on a path to nowhere. I am a woman, a woman with quite the story and the scars to prove it, hence it will take many years to mend and heal. But awareness and self-forgiveness are the beginning of my new found journey and determination to rise up from the ashes like the Pheonix.
Till next time
Maritza
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