Hair Everywhere: The Cross To Bear
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So, I got up this morning and looked at the stubbles growing all over my body, and not just on my face either. I have hair literally everywhere except for my head, but all over my stomach, arms, back, neck, you name it, I am a real live chia pet. There is nothing more annoying than trying to fight this. But I know that I must be patient with this process, and gentle with myself. It has been 7 weeks since I have come off T, the receptors are still being stimulated, and it will take some time to change.
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Trying to figure out what is the best solution for hair removal, until I can get to and afford a laser place and get this thing off me, it won’t be soon enough, lol. I never really liked all the hair growth, and although I was the envy of many trans guys, I was not thrilled to have become a bear. I hated that I lost my beautiful long hair, my beautiful singing voice, and my complexion changed, I don’t know what I was thinking?
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I have learned so much from this experience though, it has been quite the roller coaster ride, but more so since I became involved with trans women, the experience became more suffocating and really made me question my transition in the first place. When I was with natal women, things were different, never really had a relationship with men, dated a few, but never really knew the dynamics, that is until I was involved with the member of the XY club. I know trans women don’t see themselves as men, but, you can’t take Salem out of the country. There are lots of differences, hence why they say women are from Venus and men are from Mars. As much as trans people want to negate their biology, biology will not negate them.
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I am going to be upfront here, this was a massive mistake for me, it took me a long time to come to terms with this, but I know now that trauma is not solved with a bandaid. That is all transition is, one giant bandaid. It solves nothing yet creates lots of other problems, to include health issues, further enhances your discontent with yourself, while you see that changes of the external which does not fix the brokenness of the internal. It stirs the nest at best and numbs you at worse. It’s like saying, I will take a pain med to get rid of the pain, but you are not fixing the problem. To fix the problem you would have to remove the irritant that is causing the pain, pain pills do not do that, they only mask the pain. Transition does not fix the problem, it only hides it, from the point of view that the observer, the person with gender issues, believes they took steps to alter their sex when we know that is impossible to do.
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We are living in a society, that believes the emperor has clothes, when in fact he is one fat naked mess. But people are too afraid to tell him. Same goes for this trans illusion, people are playing along with you, well some are, most won’t, and they are telling you a trans person, that you are brave. They play along with you, give you compliments, and will give you what you want. Those people are not really your friends, they too have deep problems, you just make their problems less visible by seeing yours. But in the end, enablers are not really helpful. I prefer to be told the truth in my face than to be pitied and played along with. But whatever it takes to get through your day, until the day, you can’t run or hide anymore, everything will come crashing down.
I long for the day that society makes people accountable when we no longer feel the need to lie, cheat or steal. When we grow from our mistakes, when we accept who we are, as we are, without resorting to dangerous procedures so we can try to like ourselves. Don’t ever fall for the narratives of this world, they are all faulty, there is nothing wholesome left, that is until we learn that value does not come from looks or fantasies, values comes from the heart.
Till Next Time
Maritza
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