TRANS FEELINGS

How it feels to be a Transsexual:

Going back in time, my first recollection of not fitting into the perfect little mold was around 3 years of age. My memories are tormenting, they will forever haunt me. As a child, you can’t understand why those that claim to love you, are constantly trying to change you. For some reason they believe they know what's best for you. Forgetting, that although a child is young and naive, they still have a sense of self and need to express it. I was never into the girlie thing. My mannerisms were masculine, and my play reflected that. But quickly my mother made sure she was going to break my spirit and force me to be someone I was not. The word Transsexual was not part of my vocabulary or thought process, but I knew from an early age, that I was different from the rest. I Felt isolated, estranged and felt an overall sadness, due to the constant reprimanding I received on a daily basis. I could not do anything right, and the sad thing was, I didn’t understand why. I was just being me. Imagine growing up your entire life with people constantly telling you that something is wrong with you. That you do not act the way you are suppose to. What kind of crap is that? I was only doing what my brain dictated. Reflexive in nature, without a thought process, I was expressing my true self. This torment followed me throughout my life and because society dictates what they feel gender should be. This leads to live in a world of gender expectations. I know how I felt then, and how I feel in my heart now. I am not mentally insane nor do I have a mental disorder. I am a highly functioning human being, who graduated with honors, owns his own business, and is happily married. Far from being a deranged psycho with a sexual deviant problem. I am a by product of nature, the only thing wrong with my brain is that it’s none congruent with my physical sex. This is a biological mishap that presented itself due to medication taken by my mother in order to get pregnant. I have worked through my anger, and have no one to blame, I have made peace with my parents, and the world in general. My mission is to educate and have people realize once and for all that gender lies not in your genitals, but in your brain.
How it happens:
There is a series of events that take place prior to the fetus developing into a boy or a girl. It’s a matter of fact we are neutral until we reach 8 weeks gestation. The message given from the chromosome to the gene, who is responsible for the hormonal influx, is what decides if you will have a penis or a vagina. There are many factors that can construe this. The brain is the first to receive the signals which hard wires itself to be a boy or girl brain. The intrinsic developmental pathway will continue down south, communicating with the receptors that are responsible to create the gonads, reproductive organs and finally the genitals. In a typical situation the brain and physical sex are congruent, in a atypical situation the brain develops one way and the physical sex into another. The combination of permutation are endless, in fact, over 65,000 children are born a year, that do not fit the perfect Adam and Eve mold. As much as we do not want to believe this, the scientific evidence is there. The fact that a child can be born with both genitals, one of each reproductive organ, or a none congruent system is real. So what does that mean? How do we label this child? What does that do to our perfect little box syndrome that we so desire? We are a society that seeks labels, and cannot accept individuals for who they are. The need to change us or even save us, is deeply coded into our DNA. Well, you cannot change what nature created, and cannot save what does not need saving. Accept that nature does not follow a recipe or mold, that things get altered along the way. Medication, environmental toxins such as endocrine disrupting chemicals, or just plain stress that the pregnant mother was exposed to, can create a disruption in the typical pathway. XX does not always yield a girl or for that matter XY does not always produce a boy. We should know better by now that mother nature is complex, and we can’t claim to have her figured out. The variance of Transsexuality is growing, we need to learn to understand and be tolerant.
History of Transsexuality:
We are talked about in the Bible. Known once as the pride of the tribe. Not thought of as mentally insane individuals, but instead considered Kin of God, Magic Incarnates and healers. We were known as teachers, great lovers, problem solvers, and our advice was cherished by Kings and Queens of great nations. Possessing the balance of masculinity and femininity and called two spirited. Ever since organize religion has influenced our views and belief system, Transsexuals are discriminated against, ridiculed, murdered, and prosecuted for being true to ourselves. Often being misunderstood, all due to lack of knowledge and compassion from the world around us. We are not a threat to anyone, instead the world has much to learn from us. That is to learn the true essence of self, the secrets and the intrinsic of gender, and to battle the struggles we face to understand each others differences.

Conclusion:
We are not a freak show or a sexual fantasy. We are human beings with feelings. We have been around since the beginning of time, and we will continue to be in the future. There is a wide spectrum and continuum that defines us, no two Transsexuals are alike. That is because mother nature does not follow a recipe book. She creates as an artist’s creates, and we were made for a reason. To question it, would be to defied the greater plan that she has made for us.